15 seconds from a beat down. Phew.

[The Big Ragu]

What an afternoon. I went out earlier to buy a bottle of water. Outside the store, a bunch of construction workers were hanging out, smoking and scarfing down food. That's pretty common outside this place, because there is a lot of construction going on in this neighborhood.

This black woman with two young white kids (so it was a safe guess she was a nanny) was trying to walk past these guys who were blocking the whole sidewalk and acting rowdy. I saw this all as I was leaving the store. She said, "Excuse me," really politely, and one of the construction guys, who looked like a cross between Lyle Alzado and Andre the Giant, purposely blocked her way even more. He broke into a creepy smile and said, "How about after you drop the kids off, you come back here for some lunch?" His friends started to laugh. The woman reached back and tried to grab the two kids' hands, so she could get the hell away. But the Andre Alzado guy wouldn't let it go. He unzipped his fly and said something like, "Come back here. I have your lunch." His buddies laughed like hyenas.

That's where dorky me appeared. I had just come out of the store, and I got between him and the woman and in a crackling voice about three octaves higher than normal said something like, "What the hell's the matter with you?" So Andre Alzado turned his attention to me, while this woman got the two kids away. Figuring I was about to get sent to the hospital, I said my piece--except I was yelling at 9600 RPMs, like a guy scared out of his mind. Lyle the Giant started yelling back at me, in even less flattering terms. That went on for close to a minute. People were gathering around. Fifteen seconds more and this guy would have thrown a punch that may have ended my life. He easily had half a foot and 100 pounds on me.

THANKFULLY, before I got my ass kicked up and down the street, two fairly big guys from the pizza place next door and two cops who were in there came out and broke it all up. The construction crew took off, and I got a few pats on the back (and a "Are you out of your ****ing mind?" from one of the cops.)

So if I suddenly disappear from the board one day soon--because there's a chance I will see this guy again--you'll now know why. If that happens, please check all of the local hospitals for John Does who have been mauled beyond recognition.

 

[dixiehack]

You could pull a Bugs Bunny trick and hide an iron plate behind the sign.

 

[Freelance Hack]

Ragu,

If you go missing, I'll file a missing persons report.

"Officer, he's a white guy wearing a blue polo shirt. His face is pale and resembles a letter-sized piece of paper."

 

[donnie23]

Don't Hassle the Hoff, or Andre Alzado.

 

[Flying Headbutt]

He also had a watch that talked to him, and a car that drove itself. Or at least his friend does. Or, well, it was a guy he liked that had that. I'm not sure if they were friends.



Seriously though, good for you Ragu. I've been there before, and even though I was bigger than the guy who was being a ****, I was also much more sober, and not as white trashy as him, so I had no idea what kind of weaponry he had inside his oversized pickup. Of course, had I known that his girlfriend or wife or whatever was also someone who had stolen a purse from a business across the street, I'd have just called police on the scumbags. Oh well.

 

[JR]

Ragu,

If you go missing, I'll file a missing persons report.

"Officer, he's a white guy wearing a blue polo shirt. His face is pale and resembles a letter-sized piece of paper."

And he was last seen at an Ayn Rand convention.

Good work, Ragu. I've met you so I can picture the damn scene.

 

[User 1019]

Good job, Ragu.

I wonder if douchenozzle will think twice before hassling a lady again.

 

[Ace]

Good job, Ragu.

I wonder if douchenozzle will think twice before hassling a lady again.

Doubtful. He'll probably do it again tomorrow just hoping to get another crack at Ragu.

Good work by the way, Rags.

 

[Songbird]

Write an editorial for your paper.

 

[spnited]

Great job Ragu. And as JR said, I can picure it exactly.

Meanwhile, think this will make tomorrow's Post?

 

[Twoback]

Ragu:

Perhaps if the NYT people read this site, you could end up famous like the subway guy.
Just a thought.
(Nice work, BTW).

 

[spnited]

Bernie Ragu Goetz!
Now that's funny.

 

[Songbird]

Ra-Goetz!

BTW, onions! How many here would've done that?

 

[The Big Ragu]

Except I don't carry a gun and I'm not really as bat**** as I seem.

While I was standing toe-to-toe with this guy yelling, my mind was racing. You know that feeling where your heart is pounding and you know you are going to have no choice but to fight? I actually thought about throwing the first punch, so I could at least get in one shot before taking my beating. I was glad I didn't when I saw those cops.

This guy was really big anyhow. I couldn't have hurt him without maybe surprising him by kicking him in the nuts. My guess is he was 6-5 or 6-6 and close to 300. I'm about 5-10, 165.

 

[Mighty_Wingman]

"Onions" is right. Nice work.

 

[ink-stained wretch]

Rags, never, ever throw the first punch.

Knee to the groin, then a boot to the stomach and very, very quick exit. Don't wait around for him to get up.

That would be a very rookie mistake.

 

[Flying Headbutt]

Ragu, there's no such thing as dirty fighting. When he's that much bigger you gotta do what you gotta do. No one remembers how you beat someone. They'll just remember that cement head got whooped by a toothpick.

 

[Sxysprtswrtr]

I can't believe some guy would do that in front of children?!?! Not that it's right to do it in front of a single woman, but ... still.
Good job Ragu.

Are you available to bodyguard the next time me and the girls go out to a bar and some 6-foot-6 doofus tries pulling a similar-type act?

 

[sportschick]

Ragu, will you marry me?

Seriously, that's a really awesome thing to do.

 

[BYH]

And that woman WILLLLLLLLLLLL ALWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS LOVE RAGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!