Worst lede ever

[Chi City 81]

"The Knights stuck their sword into the hearts of the Beavers."

Second best word he could've used.

I'll take "swords" for $1,000, Alex.

Ahh ****, so I am supposed to be perfect on a message board? Thanks. I am a better writer for your coaching.

It's an SNL Celebrity Jeopardy quote, Lester.

 

[gandhithegreat]

From December, 1998 (if memory serves):

"Just when the San Francisco 49ers' season was coming together, Bryant Young's leg came apart."

Am I a terrible person for finding that lede halfway useable?

You mean the part about Young's leg coming apart?

 

[sirvaliantbrown]

From December, 1998 (if memory serves):

"Just when the San Francisco 49ers' season was coming together, Bryant Young's leg came apart."

I thin

From December, 1998 (if memory serves):

"Just when the San Francisco 49ers' season was coming together, Bryant Young's leg came apart."

Am I a terrible person for finding that lede halfway useable?

I was midway through posting that I actually-almost-sorta like this one when I saw the comment above.

It's laugh-out-loud over-the-top, and it's hilariously hyberbolic, but it is redeemingly cheeky.

 

[Shaggy]

In a news story, didn't make the paper:

"All Mike Smith wanted was a blowjob."

That is in no way a bad lede ... well, if you could actually get away with publishing it anyway.

I know I'd keep reading. :)

Yeah no ****. I'd read every last word of that article.

 

[FishHack76]

From the Friday night after Sept. 11:

The terrorist attacks on our country didn't stop Bumble**** High from celebrating its homecoming.

Well thank God!

 

[Tom Petty]

In a news story, didn't make the paper:

"All Mike Smith wanted was a blowjob."

That is in no way a bad lede ... well, if you could actually get away with publishing it anyway.

I know I'd keep reading. :)

Yeah no ****. I'd read every last word of that article.

shag - i'm so glad you didn't use the word inch, instead.

 

[OnTheRiver]

"The Knights stuck their sword into the hearts of the Beavers."

Second best word he could've used.

I'll take "swords" for $1,000, Alex.

Ahh ****, so I am supposed to be perfect on a message board? Thanks. I am a better writer for your coaching.

I was making a **** joke, actually.

 

[PalmettoStatesport]

**** you not, high school football game story...
"Much like Dale Earnhardt in turn four at Daytona, the so-and-so Tigers had an awful day at the office, falling 70-14 to so-and-so."
Of course, there were calls for that guy's head

 

[Shifty Squid]

In a news story, didn't make the paper:

"All Mike Smith wanted was a blowjob."

That is in no way a bad lede ... well, if you could actually get away with publishing it anyway.

I know I'd keep reading. :)

Yeah no ****. I'd read every last word of that article.

Hell, Shag ... A day later, I'm still curious what the hell actually happened to this guy.

He just wanted a blowjob? Well .... what did he actually get? Did he go find a skanky hooker? Cheat on his wife? Call his girlfriend? Boyfriend?

Is it a "All he wanted was a blowjob and an entire orgy broke out" sort of situation? Lord knows, we've all had that happen.

Regardless, that lede's got me hooked. I'm pretty sure it could work for anything, in fact ...

All coach Slenderhead wanted was a blowjob.

Instead, he had to settle for a 35-14 win for his Muskrat High team over rival Jaggoff in the teams' season-opener Friday.

 

[Bob Cook]

I hate to follow Shifty Squid's excellent lede that should be on EVERY SINGLE HS FOOTBALL STORY, but, eh, that's the breaks.

Anyway, some of you might remember Wayne Fuson, sports editor of the late, not-so-great Indianapolis News, who wrote terrible, crusty-old-man columns. Every one, it seemed, would start with "Notes written on..." followed by whatever piece of parchment he had laying around -- the back of a 1965 Old Oaken Bucket program, the plain-brown wrapper covering his Playboy, the side of a box of prunes, whatever.

My friends and I always hoped his last column would start: "Notes written on the inside of my bodybag." Alas, it did not.

 

[Lester Bangs]

"The Knights stuck their sword into the hearts of the Beavers."

Second best word he could've used.

I'll take "swords" for $1,000, Alex.

Ahh ****, so I am supposed to be perfect on a message board? Thanks. I am a better writer for your coaching.

It's an SNL Celebrity Jeopardy quote, Lester.

And he breaks rule No. 1 ... never make a snippy response when you're tired or you'll regret it.

I'm a douche.

 

[Full of Shit]

"Somebody once said, 'Get me another horse.'"

The author -- who had had a long, distinguished career and is an outstanding reporter if not the world's finest wordsmith -- could not recall the source of the quote (Richard III, through the pen of Shakespeare) or the exact quote "a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse"). This being long before the Internet age, he was unable or unwilling to look it up. But that didn't stop him from using it (or his own variation, anyway).

 

[Ace]

"Somebody once said, 'Get me another horse.'"

The author -- who had had a long, distinguished career and is an outstanding reporter if not the world's finest wordsmith -- could not recall the source of the quote (Richard III, through the pen of Shakespeare) or the exact quote "a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse"). This being long before the Internet age, he was unable or unwilling to look it up. But that didn't stop him from using it (or his own variation, anyway).

No. I think that was John Wayne, not Shakespeare.

 

[Fletch_F._Fletch]

I had across many ****ty ledes at my last paper, but these two stood out:

"I once was haunted by the ghost of a man named Bob."

That's from an outdoors column in which -- I wish I were kidding -- the author talks about what a great writer he is because he just won an award. Never mind that it took half the column for Bob's named to be used, and when it was the guy wrote "Robert," so you pretty much got through the whole column wondering who the **** Bob was (turns out it was a "famous" outdoors writer whom the writer admired).

"Let's get ready to rumble."

-- The lede to a wrestling gamer. We literally deleted the line and used the next paragraph as the lede. So after the next wrestling match, guess what the reporter used for his lede? You guessed it!

"Let's get ready to rumble."

Oi veh.

 

[Beef03]

In a news story, didn't make the paper:

"All Mike Smith wanted was a blowjob."

That is in no way a bad lede ... well, if you could actually get away with publishing it anyway.

I know I'd keep reading. :)

Yeah no ****. I'd read every last word of that article.

Hell, Shag ... A day later, I'm still curious what the hell actually happened to this guy.

He just wanted a blowjob? Well .... what did he actually get? Did he go find a skanky hooker? Cheat on his wife? Call his girlfriend? Boyfriend?

Is it a "All he wanted was a blowjob and an entire orgy broke out" sort of situation? Lord knows, we've all had that happen.

Regardless, that lede's got me hooked. I'm pretty sure it could work for anything, in fact ...

All coach Slenderhead wanted was a blowjob.

Instead, he had to settle for a 35-14 win for his Muskrat High team over rival Jaggoff in the teams' season-opener Friday.

As Robin Williams once said "You're in more dire need of a blow job than any man in history."

 

[MTM]

Not sports, but I can't forget this one from a stringer on a sidewalk art event.

"When the British artist Sir Frank Dicksee painted "Romeo and Juliet" in 1884, he probably had no idea that a Somewhere City artist would enlarge and reproduce his work on am Ourtown street in 2004."

Probably? I think that's exactly what he was thinking.

 

[BillyT]

The legend at the place I used to work centered around an American Legion baseball team and read, I think, "There was no Christmas for Podunk American Legion yesterday."

Or words to that effect.

The writer went on to quote the coach saying his team had no "Christmas."

Trouble was, he said "crispness."

Then there was the time the Sports Editor talked about "the sacks being inebriated."

 

[Meatwad]

From an outdoors writer:

I think that the first time I actually met (John Smith) was on a day I accidentally ran over his dog. The dog darted out of the bushes and was crossing the road headed home, and I hit it and killed it graveyard dead.

 

[Songbird]

The legend at the place I used to work centered around an American Legion baseball team and read, I think, "There was no Christmas for Podunk American Legion yesterday."

Or words to that effect.

The writer went on to quote the coach saying his team had no "Christmas."

Trouble was, he said "crispness."

Then there was the time the Sports Editor talked about "the sacks being inebriated."

Had the game been at Brattleboro High, the coach may have been saying "no Christmas" because there was the Christmas family that produced decent athletes.

But that's neither here no there.

Reminds me of the Seinfeld bit "did you say the rines were crossed?"

 

[mose]

Here are a couple prominently stuck in my noggin:

"I like fast women, but not on the basketball court" -- Saw that in the local daily while I was in high school. No doubt played some influence on my choice of careers.

"Joe Cuervo ran for 155 yards and four touchdowns as Back-40 Tech humped Dip**** U 62-0." -- That's what papers get when they employ desk guys whose idea of copyediting is to run spellcheck.