Words escape me.

[novelist_wannabe]

A local man I know committed suicide Friday.

He was a guy whom I'd classify as a cordial acquaintance. I guess you could call us friends. We didn't really hang out together, but our children had common interests that put us together on a semiregular basis. We got along well and he went to high school with virtually everyone I know in town.

His son, who is the same age as my daughter, has had chronic medical problems. He also has a daughter who is in fourth or fifth grade. He was going through a divorce, and I guess all the accumulated problems became too much for him to take.

I don't suppose I'm different from anyone else; I have my share of problems, and I'm taking this kind of hard. He was a guy who seemed to have it together in spite of the problems -- I didn't know he was going through the divorce until I heard about his deat -- but I guess he was so accustomed to getting his way he couldn't figure another way out of all these things.

Having written a story about suicide survivors, I'm hurting for his children. This is something they'll carry with them the rest of their lives, and that's a tough thought to take. I honestly don't know what to make of his wife, not knowing details (and they're none of my business) of their situation.

We've had threads on here through the years about depression and self-destructive thoughts. I think the general theme from previous threads bears repeating: If you feel you're nearing a breaking point, please get help. There's a better answer than my friend chose.

 

[Chef2]

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

[HandsomeHarley]

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Not sure for many people they feel the problem is temporary. I think it's the frustration that the problem never seems to improve that leads one into believing that it will never get better.

 

[golfnut8924]

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

It isn't a solution at all.

 

[John]

One of my best friends in high school shot himself our senior year. That happened about a year after another good friend died while rock climbing.

No, my high school years weren't a barrel of laughs.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

It isn't a solution at all.

Of course not, but to the people killing themselves, they think it is.

 

[Colton]

NW: Condolences on your loss.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Sorry to hear that, nw---incredibly sad news. My thoughts and prayers to you, and as you mentioned, his children. Horrible for young children to lose a parent, even more so like this.

 

[Sea Bass]

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

It isn't a solution at all.

Of course not, but to the people killing themselves, they think it is.

Amen Baron.

A family member committed suicide 11 years ago after long battles with both physical and mental ailments. Left behind two daughters aged eight and five, not to mention her husband who had the patience of Job. I was furious with her and initially refused to go to the funeral but later relented.

A family friend blew himself away in his car about 7-8 years ago. Similar story, left behind a beautiful, picture-perfect family, had more money than he could have ever spent, etc., etc. Again, I was furious and didn't go the funeral. It came out later that he'd been suffering from schizophrenia for decades, perhaps brought on by the sexual abuse he endured as a child.

Many of us think those who commit suicide are selfish, despicable people. And who knows - maybe some are. But lately I've come to the opinion that people killing themselves just don't have their marbles - and simply aren't in a position to know what they're about to do will completely tear apart anybody who loves them.

 

[PCLoadLetter]

But lately I've come to the opinion that people killing themselves just don't have their marbles - and simply aren't in a position to know what they're about to do will completely tear apart anybody who loves them.

This is exactly right.

A friend went through this a few years ago. Her dad was bi-polar. He retired and moved out to be closer to her and his grandkids.

With the retirement and move his mental illness just went off the rails. He decided he was a terrible burden and attempted suicide. It didn't work, but essentially meant the family went on 24 hour a day suicide watch with him. One day my friend went home from work and found her dad dead in the back yard. He had stabbed himself through the heart.

People don't do stuff like that because they're cowards, or they're weak, or they just haven't though about the ramifications. They do it because they are mentally ill. To get angry about it is like getting angry at the guy with a congenital heart defect who keels over from a heart attack.

 

[farmerjerome]

I always thought that people that are chronically suicidal are just wired different. It's like when something bad happens, normal people lay out their options and move on. With suicial people, that option is always there. It's just a matter of time until they try to end it.

 

[novelist_wannabe]

Folks, thanks for the kind words and the thoughts. Nice to have a place to go to let out the feelings, you know? But mainly I wanted to stress that if you're having any troubles and feel like you can't take much jmore, the best way to "man up" is to go seek help.

 

[Sxysprtswrtr]

Sorry to hear this news, novelist_w.
Depression is a scary thing and I wish more people would seek counseling -- even when it's that severe.

 

[novelist_wannabe]

Last night, I heard more details about what happened, and I wish I hadn't. He texted his estranged wife what amounted to a last will and testament and asked her to tell his parents and kids that he loved them. She was vacuuming and there was a delay before she got the message. She went to their house and, according to what I heard, heard the shot. She went in and found him, the passed out. Their son wasn't far behind. He found them and thought they were both dead. I can think of few things more awful.

Depression is indeed scary, and I think with a lot of people the real difficulty is recognizing it.

 

[sportsguydave]

NW: My thoughts are with you. I have experienced it as a journalist and from friends doing it. Both sucked.

Years ago in Texas, I interviewed a high school baseball coach who had until recently been a college coach, been put through the wringer, life a living hell, and finally got out. He went back to coaching high school. I interviewed him after a game on a Tuesday night, and he seemed great...like the weight of the world had just been removed from his shoulders. We parted, shook hands, I went back to the paper, topped my pre-written story with his latest result and a few fresh quotes, put the paper to bed.

Coach Alvarez, meanwhile, apparently went home and hung himself.

The next day, I found myself called in to speak to the police, who had read my piece and deduced that I was probably the last person to see him alive. Through some follow-up stories with mental health professionals, I learned that a sudden uptick in mood in a severely depressed person is a major red flag ... and sometimes a harbinger of impending suicide. As it was laid out for me, they know the pain will soon be over ... hence the improved mood.

I keep that in mind, and flashed back to that day recently when my boss was laid off and seemed just a bit too "okay" with it. I've still got him under somewhat close watch (he lives upstairs).