What makes a good lede?

[Batman]

Am I wrong to label that a younger generation type of lede? I don't know. No need to answer the question Batman, but would I be correct in guessing you're under 30?

Maybe I'm totally off base here and just ignore me. But the bottom line is, "Would the reader like this and keep reading?" I think probably yeah they would.

Here’s another question: Could you rewrite that lede without using the second person?

I'm 31, Grimace. Guess I was under 30 when that was written, it's been a couple years now.
It could have been rewritten, sure. Maybe watch him during a shootaround or something when he's on, and describe that scene, the reactions of his teammates and coaches. But would it draw the reader in as well? Did that one draw the reader in?
I like to think this one did it better than the other way. If it didn't, if I didn't feel comfortable with it, I wouldn't turn it in.

The second person question is one of preference, but what I would like to know is how many column inches were used setting all of that up?

Some people really are space conscious. But some days, I know, there is tons of space to fill.

That's why I like my shop and my editor. Even though we're small (15K), we have the freedom to stretch our legs and do that sort of thing once in a while. A couple times a year we'll have stories that are worth those 40 or 50 inches, and we'll give it what it deserves. In those cases, I like to use long, storytelling ledes like that, hit a stopping point and then break the story into two or three sections.
That lede was 6 or 7 inches, IIRC, out of a 50-inch feature. It ran on Christmas Day, when nothing else was going on and we had an early deadline. So we had the space.

 

[Gomer]

A good lede provides the most information in the least number of words.

A great lede is indefinable, since it's a work of art and thus judged subjectively. For one story it might be a quote, for another an anecdote, for another even a question. The more rules you put into it the more you restrict yourself.

I think it's important to mix it up and take chances from time to time but go with the good, basic lede more often than not. If you can't come up with something you really like there's always a simple, effective lede that will do the job.

 

[m2spts]

I like that...."act like you care."
That makes a heckuva difference in writing any story.
Caring doesn't mean liking the team or the game, but caring about your story, about your readers.
Don't fake it.

 

[forever_town]

Sorry...SECOND person doesn't work. It's terrible, terrible style.

A straight up lead probably wouldn't have caught my eye in the allergy story. Considering the subject, it probably would have bored me to tears.

I believe style should be a guideline. For new writers, it should be the bible they go by. But I don't think it should be so rigid that there's no room for maneuver in a story that isn't a breaking hard news story.

Is a second person lede ideal style? No. But in my opinion, the lede worked for the reason that it gave me vivid imagery that roped me in to read the rest of the story -- and use a wire story when I normally try to avoid running wire.

 

[mdpoppy]

It's got to be the hands.
Those quick hands, those magician's hands, that make slight, almost imperceptible moves. The ones that make you think you saw something you didn't, that make you hesitate for just a split second, until you realize it might not be the hands at all.
Maybe it's the feet.
You noticed them earlier, as this tall, skinny kid named Jimmy Rottencrotch was elevating over you and shooting a jumper in your face. So you back off, and now he's using those same feet to blow past you. As you see the zero on the back of his jersey fling itself into three of your teammates, though, you realize something else -- it's not just the physical gifts. The guy's got heart.
And as the referee's whistle echoes in your ears, you see him high-fiving his teammates and strolling to the foul line to add another point to his total, it all comes together. You haven't just been outplayed, you've been outsmarted. You and your teammates have done everything he's wanted you to, been at his mercy this whole time.
So you shrug your shoulders, manage an admiring smile and trudge back down the court. Trying to guard this guy is impossible, you think, but there's always hope. Maybe next time he'll make a mistake or miss.
But he doesn't.

Ick.

What if the reader has never played basketball in his/her life? Then it doesn't make sense and as stated previously, a lede should bring the casual reader as well.

I'm with the people who oppose using "you."

I really think it would've added more to the story to replace "you" with an actual person or example in this case. Why write "you" when you could've wrote something like, "Rottencrotch has the skills no one in the Gigantic 12 conference can compare with ... the shooting skills comparable to a sniper ... the quickness of a cheetah ... etc., etc." Corny, I know, but just examples.

 

[Batman]

Sorry...SECOND person doesn't work. It's terrible, terrible style.

A straight up lead probably wouldn't have caught my eye in the allergy story. Considering the subject, it probably would have bored me to tears.

I believe style should be a guideline. For new writers, it should be the bible they go by. But I don't think it should be so rigid that there's no room for maneuver in a story that isn't a breaking hard news story.

Is a second person lede ideal style? No. But in my opinion, the lede worked for the reason that it gave me vivid imagery that roped me in to read the rest of the story -- and use a wire story when I normally try to avoid running wire.

The more I look at the allergy lede, the more it grows on me, Forever. You're right about how it makes you read at least the first bit of what could be a rather dull story. I think, at first glance, the "sad sacks" line just came across like a drill sergeant barking at me.
And I'd be with everybody who says it's not ideal for a hard news story or a gamer. If my example had been from a gamer where the guy scored 50 points, I'd be retching along with everyone else. Done right, though, it can work in features.
It's like farting -- in the right setting, it's OK and some people even enjoy it. In the wrong one, it's a disaster and you become an outcast.

 

[awriter]

I'm from the "never say never" school. The lede for the allergies story was written in second person. It worked for that story.

Back on the topic of using second person for a second, I also think it can work in certain cases. Forever's lede worked on some level, if for no other reason than to grab the reader by the shirt collar and raise an eyebrow. That's effective.
At the risk of another skewering, I had one a couple years ago that I thought came out well. It's from a story about a basketball player who was averaging close to 30 points a game. His dad had been a big star in this town in his day, had played in the NBA for a couple years, and his son was basically raised with a basketball in his hand. I tried to take the lede from the point of view of a guy trying to guard him, and failing miserably.
It's a little long, but it's from a three-dumper, 50-inch feature story so keep that in mind...

It's got to be the hands.
Those quick hands, those magician's hands, that make slight, almost imperceptible moves. The ones that make you think you saw something you didn't, that make you hesitate for just a split second, until you realize it might not be the hands at all.
Maybe it's the feet.
You noticed them earlier, as this tall, skinny kid named Jimmy Rottencrotch was elevating over you and shooting a jumper in your face. So you back off, and now he's using those same feet to blow past you. As you see the zero on the back of his jersey fling itself into three of your teammates, though, you realize something else -- it's not just the physical gifts. The guy's got heart.
And as the referee's whistle echoes in your ears, you see him high-fiving his teammates and strolling to the foul line to add another point to his total, it all comes together. You haven't just been outplayed, you've been outsmarted. You and your teammates have done everything he's wanted you to, been at his mercy this whole time.
So you shrug your shoulders, manage an admiring smile and trudge back down the court. Trying to guard this guy is impossible, you think, but there's always hope. Maybe next time he'll make a mistake or miss.
But he doesn't.

That lede would make a good discussion group topic. I know lots of people (and lots of readers) who would think that was pretty cool way to start a story. At the same time, I can imagine lots of veteran editors/copy guys cringing.

Am I wrong to label that a younger generation type of lede? I don't know.

Yes, you're wrong. Jimmy Cannon used it.

 

[Jones]

I'm a little torn on the second-person debate.

I don't mind Batman's lede, although I think it could have been written sharper, more vividly. If you're writing second person, I think the goal should be for your reader to feel as though it is him in the scene -- that if it's done right, "you" somehow really does feel like you. That you're right there.

I've used it once, at the suggestion of my editor -- never would have used it in a million years otherwise -- and I think it made the piece. I think it worked because it was describing situations that we all deal with -- homesickness, loneliness -- but in an extraordinary setting that none of us has experienced. I think there it might have helped put the reader in the same situation as the subjects, made it easier to relate to their predicament.

Then again, I'm not going to name it, but I can remember reading one story, by a big writer in a big magazine, that was written entirely in the second person, and I couldn't finish it. I found it exhausing and distracting and terrible.

So, I can see both sides of the debate here. I'd say that the second person can be used effectively, but only in a very specific circumstance and even then, when used sparingly and with a light touch.

You are staring at your computer in a press box... You are trying to explain what you mean, trying to write about writing, and you're just not nailing it... So you say **** it and go watch batting practice...

 

[mdpoppy]

I think it worked because it was describing situations that we all deal with -- homesickness, loneliness.

Again, you guys are assuming when you write "you," that the reader has been in this situation. What if he/she hasn't? Then it makes absolutely no sense. What if the reader in this case is some rich brat who has never left home?

It's like farting -- in the right setting, it's OK and some people even enjoy it. In the wrong one, it's a disaster and you become an outcast.

You're right, it is like farting -- something that should only be done in private and never in public.

 

[Jones]

Well, there you have it. mdpoppy has declared the second person null and void. And somewhere else, old_tony has said that any sentence over 19 words is too long.

This is a bad day for some formerly good writers the world over. They will wake up to find out that they will now be forced to submit all future stories in text resembling binary code.

And no funny business, you pinko stylists. We're watching you.

 

[Chi City 81]

Well, there you have it. mdpoppy has declared the second person null and void. And somewhere else, old_tony has said that any sentence over 19 words is too long.

This is a bad day for some formerly good writers the world over. They will wake up to find out that they will now be forced to submit all future stories in text resembling binary code.

And no funny business, you pinko stylists. We're watching you.

0110001011011100001110001

 

[pallister]

I count 25 numerals. Tighten it up.