The Gay Billy Jack

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

He likes Crown Royal and looks like the offspring of an Elvis/Nixon mating.

The Gay Billy Jack could be a great SportsJournalists.com novel. He's at Occupy Wall Street, someone killed his dog and now he's about to get even. Or drunk. Or make a music video with Billy Squire.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

The Gay Billy Jack would definitely be a Mets fan. He was also an unwitting participant in a PETA protest where he was violently doused by a high pressure water cannon which caused him to **** his pants.

 

[Gator]

If you drop a phonograph needle on his nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.

 

[imjustagirl]

I thought this was about Haskins.

Obscure Kentucky football reference FTW!

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

Haskins was molested as a youth by a Hasidic Jew who had the tip of his penis tattooed to look like a dreidel. Fate has put that same Hasidic Jew on a path that will lead him to the ultimate showdown against teh gay Billy Jack at Occupy Wall Street.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

The Gay Billy Jack originally came to New York with his band called Shooting Clams at the Beach. They specialize in folk, bagpipe music which you've probably never heard of unless you're a hipster. Originally they were called Four Jews and a Mormon as an homage to the Thompson Twins. The thought it ironic since neither Jews nor Mormons are known for their love of bagpipe music but it was too obscure and confusing. The new band name was thought to be less obscure and confusing.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

The gay Billy Jack was born in Pawtucket, RI but spent his formative years in Alberta Canada where most of his time was spent in a street gang called Cognitive Chaos. He wasn't gay until he went to Canada.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

His first name is Buck.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

When he was in college he changed it to Kareem.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

He changed it to Billy Jack after getting involved in something called a three-handed cash game. Buck/Kareen thought it was to be a poker game but instead it ended up being a homosexual act so perverse that even the Urban Dictionary won't write about it.

 

[Boom_70]

Kareem once shared an embarrassing moment with a dolphin.

 

[TigerVols]

If there's a HoF for ****tiest avatars of all time, Chris's latest is first-ballot.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

Billy Jack's first gay experience was with a local vagrant who called himself TigerVols.

TigerVols was a bottom. He gave Billy Jack a bottle of Crown Royal in exchange for the sex but insisted on keeping the velvet bag. TigerVols collected the bags.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

The gay Billy Jack struck it rich by inventing scrotal mittens. These items never really caught on in the US or Canada but are real big sellers in South America - especially in Chile where they are marketed as Mitones de Escroto. Last year Michelle Bachman gave her husband a pair of Mitones de Escroto for Christmas.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

The dad of the Gay Billy Jack was the founder of Interfenestration Advertising. This was the cutting edge advertising company that specializes in selling ad space between windows. The firm was greatly harmed by the advent of the Internet but has recently had an uptick in sales.

 

[Liut]

"And one tin boner rides away."

Hell of a pull, by the way, IJAG.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

 

[dooley_womack1]

Who's that rent boy behind Billy Jack Haynes?

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

That's not a rent boy - that's a German lesbian.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

It's Barry Windham.