M'fkers who sing while they're calling in games.

[Starman]

RING.

"Daily Meatslap Sports, Starman speaking."

"Hi, I'm calling in the East ****nut-Turdbucket Tech game."

"Superb. What was the score?"

"Ohhhhh, dum-de-dum-de-dummmmmm, ohhh, Thirty Four to, hummmm-dum-de-dummm, ohhhhh, seventeen."

"OK, score by quarters please. East ****nut first,"

"Uhmmmmmm, lahhh deee daahhh deee dahhh, we got, uhmmmm, seven, no, 14 points in the first quarter, then, ohhh, dumm-dee-doodle-dooo, eight in the second, uhmmm, ahhhh, shooobee-doobeee-doo, six in the third, then, ohhhh, deedle deedle deee, six in the fourth."

"Uh, OK, that makes 34."

(repeat for Turdbucket Tech.)

"OK, run down the scoring as it happened."

"All right, ohhh hummm de-dumm-dumm, let's see, the first touchdown was a pass, Joe Schmoe threw it."

"To whom?"

"Ohhhh, doodle-doodle doo, dip-dee-dip dip dip, to, uhmm, let me look at my roster, ohh I think it was Pete Pudpuller, no wait, it was Freddy Fartknocker."

"How many yards?"

"Ahhhhhh, lahhh dee dah dahhhh dahhh, I guess it was 14 yards, no, it was 18."

Repeat for all the rest of the scores.

****in'-A.





Repeat

 

[zeke12]

You think you're pissed, I had two bills on Turbucket Tech to win outright.

 

[HandsomeHarley]

Holy ****.

It could have been worse, though.

Coach: "Um, lessee, Turdbucket Tech 7 -- Moon River! Uh, you using the whole fist, coach?"

 

[ColbertNation]

My favorite (this actually happened to me today):

Sports, can I help you?

Yes, I'm calling in a game.

OK, what was the score?

It was 5-3.

[A deep sigh] OK, who played?

East Podunk and South Nowhere.

[A deeper sigh] OK, who won?

We did.

[I'm hyperventalating from sighing so much] And WHO are YOU?

Oh, this is East Podunk.

The person then takes five minutes to give me a simple line score because he doesn't have the information right on hand (although, at least he didn't sing).

 

[Angola!]

At least you guys didn't get four calls from people asking to be transferred to the mailroom.

 

[HandsomeHarley]

I'm fairly patient with coaches, even those who TEACH and still manage to misspell every other word on the fax.

The one that frosts my ass, though, are these:

HH: Sports, this is Harley.
Coach: Yes, I have a score to report.
HH: OK, who is this and what sport?
Coach: Don't you recognize my voice?
HH: Um, no.
Coach: This is Coach Butthead from Podunk volleyball.
HH: Oh, NOW I recognize your voice!
Coach: Yeah, we played ******** High tonight.
HH: OK; what was the score of the games? (As I'm typing in the agate)
Coach: The first game was 26- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... (long pause), um, 28. ... we lost.
HH: %$@#! (under my breath).

Seriously. Nothing gets me more than some backwoods coach who sends in the results with the LOSING score first.

 

[Bubbler]

Honest to God, I got a call today from a dude asking what time zone we're in.

 

[Flash]

At least you guys didn't get four calls from people asking to be transferred to the mailroom.

"My paper didn't come with the TV Times."

Every Sunday ... without fail ...

 

[Tom Petty]

At least you guys didn't get four calls from people asking to be transferred to the mailroom.

"My paper didn't come with the TV Times."

Every Sunday ... without fail ...

i get that one every nowandagain. my standard reply: you didn't? god, neither did i. i need to find out who to talk to about that.

 

[goplayintramurals]

Honest to God, I got a call today from a dude asking what time zone we're in.

this happened to me a week ago, except he followed it up with "Will we be switching it anytime soon?"

 

[HandsomeHarley]

Caller: Um, yeah, you need to put a correction in your little paper.
HH: OK, is this a coach.
Caller: You messed up on an ad on the sports pages.
HH: I'm sorry. You'll need to contact the advertising department from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. weekedays.
Caller: You can't fix it?
HH: I'm sorry, no.
Caller: But it's on the sports page.

 

[Flash]

At least you guys didn't get four calls from people asking to be transferred to the mailroom.

"My paper didn't come with the TV Times."

Every Sunday ... without fail ...

i get that one every nowandagain. my standard reply: you didn't? god, neither did i. i need to find out who to talk to about that.

Worked with one guy, who would take down the address and drive a TV Times over to the poor little old lady. He recommended that I start doing the same, so I gave him my best 'get bent' look and told him to **** off.

 

[Tom Petty]

At least you guys didn't get four calls from people asking to be transferred to the mailroom.

"My paper didn't come with the TV Times."

Every Sunday ... without fail ...

i get that one every nowandagain. my standard reply: you didn't? god, neither did i. i need to find out who to talk to about that.

Worked with one guy, who would take down the address and drive a TV Times over to the poor little old lady. He recommended that I start doing the same, so I gave him my best 'get bent' look and told him to **** off.

when was the last time the mailroom wrote a gamer?

 

[Bob Slydell]

RING.

"Daily Meatslap Sports, Starman speaking."

"Hi, I'm calling in the East ****nut-Turdbucket Tech game."

"Superb. What was the score?"

"Ohhhhh, dum-de-dum-de-dummmmmm, ohhh, Thirty Four to, hummmm-dum-de-dummm, ohhhhh, seventeen."

"OK, score by quarters please. East ****nut first,"

"Uhmmmmmm, lahhh deee daahhh deee dahhh, we got, uhmmmm, seven, no, 14 points in the first quarter, then, ohhh, dumm-dee-doodle-dooo, eight in the second, uhmmm, ahhhh, shooobee-doobeee-doo, six in the third, then, ohhhh, deedle deedle deee, six in the fourth."

"Uh, OK, that makes 34."

(repeat for Turdbucket Tech.)

"OK, run down the scoring as it happened."

"All right, ohhh hummm de-dumm-dumm, let's see, the first touchdown was a pass, Joe Schmoe threw it."

"To whom?"

"Ohhhh, doodle-doodle doo, dip-dee-dip dip dip, to, uhmm, let me look at my roster, ohh I think it was Pete Pudpuller, no wait, it was Freddy Fartknocker."

"How many yards?"

"Ahhhhhh, lahhh dee dah dahhhh dahhh, I guess it was 14 yards, no, it was 18."

Repeat for all the rest of the scores.

****in'-A.





Repeat

Did he at least get the words right?

That had to be annoying.

 

[fossywriter8]

Once had a guy call to let us know there was a halo around the moon that night. No, he wasn't high, it's actually an atmospheric event, but he called the sports department to let us know.

We, too, always get the "I've got a score to report" calls, which usually results in a "What sport?" response, which then leads to "Varsity, JV, freshman or junior high?" because the person calling in hasn't seemed to catch on. And, yes, they then proceed to provide the score by putting their team first, whether they won or lost. And these numbnuts are helping mold the minds of tomorrow?

 

[TwoGloves]

My favorite is when some bozo calls in something and says "That touchdown was by No. 12." I tell him numbers don't mean anything to me. "Let me see who number 12 is ..." I hear paper shuffling and then "OK, 12 is Joe Schmoe." Then we proceed to do this about six times. Hey moron, have the **** ready when you call in. Don't look it up once you get me on the phone. That's especially annoying when some idiot does it with 17 events in a track meet.

 

[ZummoSports]

That's why they should be faxing in a track meet...of course then you run into the other favorite issue with track meets...the handwriting looks like chinese and you mispell half the names b/c you can't read the ******* thing.

 

[pressboxer]

That's why they should be faxing in a track meet...of course then you run into the other favorite issue with track meets...the handwriting looks like chinese and you mispell half the names b/c you can't read the ******* thing.

Any school still reporting track results in longhand should not be allowed to host a meet.

 

[CitizenTino]

I had a gem last week...

Me: Sports.
Caller: I have a soccer game to report.
Me: <opens file> OK, go ahead.
Caller: <to guy sitting in the room with her> Honey, what was the score?
Guy in room in background: We won, 5-3.
Caller: Bumble**** 5, ****stain 3
Me: Halftime score?
Caller: Honey, what was the halftime score?
Guy in room: 2-0.
Caller: 2-0.

And this went on for the ENTIRE box score. Why the guy with all the information wasn't on the phone, I don't understand, but she had to relay the whole damn thing back and forth. And with each goal, she gave me the order of the information (school, player, assists, time) in a different order.

Oh, and one of the players on the opposing team was named Johnny Walker. He scored a couple goals and assisted on another. And every single time she said his name, she started giggling and repeating "Johnny Walker Red! Johnny Walker Red!" As I was getting ready to hang up the phone at the end, on the verge of tears, she let out one more "Johnny Walker Red!" for good measure.

Idiot.

 

[ColbertNation]

That's why they should be faxing in a track meet...of course then you run into the other favorite issue with track meets...the handwriting looks like chinese and you mispell half the names b/c you can't read the ******* thing.

Any school still reporting track results in longhand should not be allowed to host a meet.

Simple policy: If we can't read it, it doesn't go in.
That's why I tell most people to e-mail their stuff.