Ivan Maisel's son missing

[Amy]

Thank you for posting the link to the eulogy. What an honest and lovely tribute to his son.

 

[micropolitan guy]

Something I don't understand about this: wouldn't the river have been frozen solid? Down here, the Potomac froze from shore to shore, Deep Creek Lake was very thick as usual, and even the Chesapeake Bay was freezing up and required an icebreaker.

Not trying to be insensitive - I am just curious as to how he could have gone through the ice that far north, given how cold it had been.

Haven't been to Rochester for years but if he fell in near the Genesee Falls, the river may not have been frozen over. because (as was said) the current was moving too swiftly to freeze.

That was a beautiful eulogy. Probably the hardest story he has ever written, yet done so wonderfully.

 

[old_tony]

Everything I've seen written about the son makes me think Aspergers or mild autism.

Suicidal Thoughts 10 Times More Likely in Adults With Asperger’s | Psych Central News

 

[Vombatus]

Well done. The manhole cover, whew, that got me. Powerfully well worded.

 

[poindexter]

That is a father who was incredibly tuned in to his son - his strengths and weaknesses. Knowing that you can't fight all your battles for your child.
I've never ever been so impressed by a father.

 

[WriteThinking]

That was an absolutely beautiful eulogy, by someone who obviously knew his son, and loved him, just because, and also, anyway.

I loved that about the tribute. It truly shared their son with us.

I have a little problem with what wasn't shared, however.

Ivan alluded to some circumstantial evidence that Max may have intended to take his own life, and I would have liked to have known what that was, especially given such a eulogy that shows the parents did, in fact, know, develop and properly love their son, and given the fact that Max, by the sounds of this eulogy, was doing well, and given the evidence -- or non-evidence -- of suicidal intent in the days and weeks preceding the young man's death.

Honestly, I can't imagine losing a child and thinking that it doesn't matter whether it was accidental or suicidal. I mean, I guess the end result is identical, as Ivan said. But, those circumstances are just not the same, and neither can or will any survivors' reactions or possibilities for closure be the same in either case.

I hurt for this family. And if they truly don't know what happened, I hurt for them even more.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

I've read that eulogy twice. Got dusty both times. Damn.

 

[Moderator1]

Everything I've seen written about the son makes me think Aspergers or mild autism.

Suicidal Thoughts 10 Times More Likely in Adults With Asperger’s | Psych Central News

Asking seriously, not to be a wiseass. Isn't Asperger's mild autism? Or is it something different?

My son just called about something else but he saw this when I posted it on Twitter so we talked about it a while. Said he hasn't been able to bring himself to read it yet. We talked about it at work, too. Incredibly well done and so so hard to read. As was noted above, this was a man who knew his kid, really knew his kid.

 

[old_tony]

Asking seriously, not to be a wiseass. Isn't Asperger's mild autism? Or is it something different?

My son just called about something else but he saw this when I posted it on Twitter so we talked about it a while. Said he hasn't been able to bring himself to read it yet. We talked about it at work, too. Incredibly well done and so so hard to read. As was noted above, this was a man who knew his kid, really knew his kid.

I honestly don't know for sure. I'm not sure there are many people who do know for sure.

The fact that they have a separate name for it (Aspergers) rather than simply call it "mild autism" has me wondering if the two are the same or if there are some slight, but important, differences.

Asperger’s Syndrome | Autism Society - Autism Society

Asperger’s Disorder was added to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) in 1994 as a separate disorder from autism. However, there are still many professionals who consider Asperger’s Disorder a less severe form of autism. In 2013, the DSM-5 replaced Autistic Disorder, Asperger’s Disorder and other pervasive developmental disorders with the umbrella diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder.

 

[Big Circus]

The worst is confirmed. Prayers for the Maisels.

RPD confirms body found in Charlotte is missing student Max Maisel - RochesterHomepage.net

 

[Lugnuts]

Oh my gosh, that's one of the most poignant heartbreaking and yet earnest statements of gratitude I've ever seen. God bless

 

[Smash Williams]

Asking seriously, not to be a wiseass. Isn't Asperger's mild autism? Or is it something different?

Asperger (which is no longer a diagnosis in the DSM-V) is a type of mild autistic spectrum disorder. For clarity, they now call all the ASD's one thing and grade from high-functioning to low-functioning rather than have separate diagnoses along the same spectrum.

Functionally, people who had Asperger/now have high-functioning ASD are generally much more functional in society than those with more severe autism. The most significant developmental difference is the acquisition of language - Asperger kids don't have a delay in their language skills and may be hyperverbal while more traditional autism has delayed, if at all, acquisition of language.

I have Asperger Syndrome. Parts of the son's story rang very true to my experience, particularly finding my first real friends online and some sensory issues, but I'm always hesitant to diagnose other people. Doctors went through several diagnoses before settling on that one for me that may also fit him (nonverbal learning disorder is a big one, and I think PDD-NOS went away with the DSM merge). It could have fit. It could have not. Regardless, he obviously developed some sort of depression secondary to all those things.

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

My cousin has Aspergers. In many ways it's more difficult to explain to people than regular autism. They can be extremely high-functioning. My cousin who has it graduated from Stanford. If he's not heavily medicated, you do not under any circumstances want to be around him. You could be the most secure/confident person in the world and he'll find some way to get to you. It's almost uncanny. There's no filter whatsoever.

 

[Vombatus]

Sad. Hope this brings complete closure.

 

[poindexter]

Maisel wrote on the third anniversary of his son's death.

As noted in the story, you can just get so much about the young man from looking at that picture. I teared up reading this.

 

[Slacker]

Maisel wrote on the third anniversary of his son's death.

As noted in the story, you can just get so much about the young man from looking at that picture. I teared up reading this.

Hanging on every word, I was ...

 

[User 149557]

Really well-written and heartfelt.

I'm probably on the really shallow end of the spectrum, struggling to make eye contact, often aloof when it comes to interactions that aren't professional. I can have panic attacks in crowds on my worst days. But I can always snap myself out of it. There's always a good day after a bad day.

So I try to imagine if I could never get out of that fearful state, that terror of being seen or interacting. Of never being able to have a good day to get around those bad days where a glazed-over stare into the distance can be used as a shield to avoid everyone and everything. What if you could never put the shield down? It's haunting.

 

[Webster]

That was a gripping read.

 

[QYFW]

Really well-written and heartfelt.

I'm probably on the really shallow end of the spectrum, struggling to make eye contact, often aloof when it comes to interactions that aren't professional. I can have panic attacks in crowds on my worst days. But I can always snap myself out of it. There's always a good day after a bad day.

So I try to imagine if I could never get out of that fearful state, that terror of being seen or interacting. Of never being able to have a good day to get around those bad days where a glazed-over stare into the distance can be used as a shield to avoid everyone and everything. What if you could never put the shield down? It's haunting.

Is that what you think autism is?

 

[Azrael]

We walk that breakwater a few times a year and think of Max with every step.

An unimaginable loss for the Maisels.