I'm shacked up

[PeteyPirate]

This might be relevent to "the one" thread, but I woke up this morning on my first official day of living in sin. After dating for six months and knowing each other about a year and a half, my girlfriend and I signed a lease together for a two bedroom and went through the tortuous process of moving in this weekend. At 33, this is a living/relationship arrangement with which I do not have experience, but I was surprisingly not apprehensive about it at all. How was it for you folks who have tried it, successfully or not?

 

[Barsuk]

We lived in virtual sin (although we kept separate residences, we never spent a night apart) for a couple of years before going full-bore and moving in together. I think we lived in that apartment at least two years before we got married. It was good practice for married life. I completely recommend it. If you can't live together when you're not married, you certainly won't be able to after you get hitched.

 

[PeteyPirate]

Yeah, we haven't really been apart either unless one of us has been out of town. Now neither of us has anywhere to run, though.

 

[Chef]

This might be relevent to "the one" thread, but I woke up this morning on my first official day of living in sin. After dating for six months and knowing each other about a year and a half, my girlfriend and I signed a lease together for a two bedroom and went through the tortuous process of moving in this weekend. At 33, this is a living/relationship arrangement with which I do not have experience, but I was surprisingly not apprehensive about it at all. How was it for you folks who have tried it, successfully or not?

RIP

 

[Barsuk]

Yeah, we haven't really been apart either unless one of us has been out of town. Now neither of us has anywhere to run, though.

You have to cross that bridge sometime. Might as well find out sooner, rather than later, whether you're going to want to jump off halfway across.

 

[cranberry]

Important and necessary step. She doesn't have cats, does she?

 

[Big Buckin' agate_monkey]

Yeah, we haven't really been apart either unless one of us has been out of town. Now neither of us has anywhere to run, though.

The ex and I lived together for almost three years. We had been together for three years before that.

Not having your own space was a problem at times, but that wasn't what did us in. Nor was the living arrangement.

 

[Omar_dont_scare]

Mrs. Omar (yes, we made it official May 17) and I lived together for about six months before the wedding.

I found we got a lot of the potential fight fuel out of the way before we actually made it official.

One piece of advice: Get ready for everything to double. Double the dirty dishes, double the laundry, double the clutter. Obviously that makes sense since there's now two of you living in the same space one inhabited, but I remember being a bit surprised how quickly stuff piled up.

 

[Ace]

We lived in virtual sin (although we kept separate residences, we never spent a night apart) for a couple of years before going full-bore and moving in together. I think we lived in that apartment at least two years before we got married. It was good practice for married life. I completely recommend it. If you can't live together when you're not married, you certainly won't be able to after you get hitched.

Virtual sin is phone or internet sex.

You were just committing good, old-fashioned sin.

Good luck, firstdown. Not being apprehensive is a good start.

I think if you're serious about the relationship and willing to move it forward if you don't get into brawls over paying bills or leaving the toilet seat up, it's a good thing.

 

[alleyallen]

Make sure you also establish real quick how everything is going to work, especially the chores and the finances.

 

[Ace]

Mrs. Ace and I lived together first and everything went well. No real issues over chorse or bills or anything like that.
Just FYI, having kids ads a whole new and not-fully-expected dimension, however.

You have issues of how protective to be, how much responsibility and who is the disciplinarian. I wasn't expecting disagreements over these kinds of things but that has been the biggest thing to work through.

 

[outofplace]

I agree with Barsuk's point. It is definitely a good thing to live together for a while before you get married (assuming that you plan to take that step at some point if all goes well). You will find out a lot more about your relationship now, and that is a good thing.

Mrs. OOP and I lived together for a few months before getting married. We had a rough patch or two early on, just getting used to sharing the same space. I had been sleeping at her apartment most days before that, but it's not the same thing.

From your first post, it sounds like this move feels right for you. That is the most important thing.

On a side note, I crack up every single time I hear somebody refer to this as living in sin. A friend of mine from college recently moved in with a guy and she called it that. She's happy, probably as happy as I have heard her sound in a long time. There is NOTHING sinful about that.

 

[Cadet]

On a side note, I crack up every single time I hear somebody refer to this as living in sin. A friend of mine from college recently moved in with a guy and she called it that. She's happy, probably as happy as I have heard her sound in a long time. There is NOTHING sinful about that.

Excellent point, OOP.

I refuse to marry someone before I live with them first. I'm not into surprises.

FirstDown, you need to graciously accept the fact that the bathroom is no longer yours. That's my only advice.

 

[PeteyPirate]

On a side note, I crack up every single time I hear somebody refer to this as living in sin. A friend of mine from college recently moved in with a guy and she called it that. She's happy, probably as happy as I have heard her sound in a long time. There is NOTHING sinful about that.

Excellent point, OOP.

I refuse to marry someone before I live with them first. I'm not into surprises.

FirstDown, you need to graciously accept the fact that the bathroom is no longer yours. That's my only advice.

Neither is the closet. She gets the master closet, plus part of the closet in the other bedroom. I get what's left over.

 

[outofplace]

On a side note, I crack up every single time I hear somebody refer to this as living in sin. A friend of mine from college recently moved in with a guy and she called it that. She's happy, probably as happy as I have heard her sound in a long time. There is NOTHING sinful about that.

Excellent point, OOP.

I refuse to marry someone before I live with them first. I'm not into surprises.

FirstDown, you need to graciously accept the fact that the bathroom is no longer yours. That's my only advice.

Neither is the closet. She gets the master closet, plus part of the closet in the other bedroom. I get what's left over.

Oh, now that is definitely preparation for married life right there. My wife gets the walk-in and the overflow ends up in my closet, which is much smaller. And I know not to complain, mostly because if I do it will turn into a discussion of the need for me to clean out my closet.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

One hint for getting things off to a smooth start:

Be sure to give her a schedule for what day(s) you want your laundry done and the place cleaned, what time meals should be prepared, etc.

It shows a lot of thoughtfulness if you can give them advance notice, rather than springing these things on them last minute.

 

[PeteyPirate]

One hint for getting things off to a smooth start:

Be sure to give her a schedule for what day(s) you want your laundry done and the place cleaned, what time meals should be prepared, etc.

It shows a lot of thoughtfulness if you can give them advance notice, rather than springing these things on them last minute.

What do you think I am, some kind of cretin? I've already done all that and bought her lingerie to wear while she's doing the chores.

 

[Armchair_QB]

Make sure you also establish real quick how everything is going to work, especially the chores and the finances.

She does the chores, you handle the money. ;D

 

[PeteyPirate]

I'm thinking about getting her a pool table for her birthday. Or a multi-purpose brass pole.

 

[pressmurphy]

Oh, now that is definitely preparation for married life right there. My wife gets the walk-in and the overflow ends up in my closet, which is much smaller. And I know not to complain, mostly because if I do it will turn into a discussion of the need for me to clean out my closet.

Closet space and bathroom-shelf space were the first to disappear once my GF moved in, but she also helped me do triage on the stuff accumulating in my den. That helped reclaim a bunch of squandered space, so I decided to keep Miss PressMurphy awhile longer.