How to get out?

[sprtswrtr10]

I need help.
Don't laugh.
I'm trying to save my marriage without turning my life into a fate worse than divorce.

I am a sports editor at a Big 12 daily.
We are big enough to take half our staff (two people) on the road for football, to travel frequently for men's and women's basketball, baseball, to not always be nickle and dimed about the hotel's we stay in, etc. While, at the same time, we are small to the point that, while I am SE, primary columnist and a flat out beat writer during the winter and spring, in addition to being SE and columnist, nobody does more desk than me either. The prospect of having to write a real-meaty-with-great-art 900 word feature and lay out three pages of our four page section all between 6:30 p.m. and midnight, well, let's just say it used to be daunting. But now, if I've got all my notes and my tape transcribed, well, hell, piece of cake.

I know some of you have lived this sort of life.

I love the writing and the covering and the events. I mean, I like being a sports journalist and I'm good at it. In my particular predicament, what I've described above, I feel I'm unmatched. And still, I never thought I'd be where I am for so long, though everything but my employer is great — home, family, neighborhood, much of the work (but not all) — except for the fact that what the job specifically requires is killing my marriage.

I envy the guys at the big metro papers. When they're done, they're done.
When we're done, there are still pages to read, desk, whatever. We're never done.
So, while I would love a job with the big metro down the street, at this point it wouldn't even have to be sports, there is still just one big metro down the street and one other about 100 miles away that maybe, possibly, the right job could come up that wouldn't require uprooting my family. But that's very doubtful.

So, any advice?

What can I do as a freelancer? (I do a fair amount of freelancing already, but not enough to do it full time)
Where does one go to work in PR? or marketing? Who in the hell do I call?
What else might my writing skills, desktop publishing skills, etc, translate into?
Could I possibly syndicate myself? (already, through our chain, my columns appear in several newspapers around the state)
What about being a consultant? Has anybody put out their own shingle?
(Because I just know I can help papers like mine and smaller all over the place with their headlines, their layout, their writing; on this, I have no question. I must do everything right now and I do it all well)
Politics is my other great passion; well, that and hold'em. Any ideas there?

I'm just hoping for a few ideas or a few life experiences I might learn from.

I love my wife.
I love my daughter.
I even love the business.

But I get off about 12:30 a.m. five nights a week and those nights always include Friday and Saturday.

Help!

 

[Tom Petty]

sprts - why is uprooting out of the question?

have you lived in this place all your life?

 

[sprtswrtr10]

it's not way out of the question.
But my wife has a fantastic job (might be portable)
my parents are 25 miles away
her father is in town.
it's like that.
and uprooting my not work for a marriage on the rocks already.

 

[Tom Petty]

if it really is the job that's the problem, then, go into pr or advertising.

 

[clutchcargo]

How long have you been married, and what exactly is it your wife does for work?

 

[sprtswrtr10]

my wife is in health care management and makes between 2 and 3 times what I make.
A) how does one go into PR? Because I don't have the foggiest, though I might be quite good at it?
B) I would prefer a creative way to keep doing much of what I'm doing but without the schedule.
(and by that I don't mean 8 to 5, but perhaps my wife and I might see each other more than 15 minutes a day)

 

[clutchcargo]

10--Let me leave you with a few thoughts before I sign off. I'm guessing you are working something on the order of 70 or more hours a week. That is ridiculous.

One thing to try is simply go to your boss and say, This is ridiculous, and I"m not going to put up with it anymore. I love doing this job, but nothing is worth costing me my marriage (and I assume from what you say yours would be just fine if it weren't for the long hours). From today forward, I"m going to work 50 hours a week and this is my schedule, subject to your adjustment. Those are the hours I"m going to work from now on, and it's up to you to figure out the rest.

Of course, in doing that, you have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for your boss to tell you to take a hike. Hopefully, your wife makes enough to keep you guys solvent while you look for another job.

This is something I've done before. I even went through one of those job-placement training programs you see advertised in which they train you how to find the hidden job market and how to go after jobs that are outside what you have been doing. It provided GREAT training for how to do job interviews, and how to get myfoot in the door at a variety of companies that need writing/editing talent at some level, and doing it in such a way that you don't feel the nervousness of going in for an actual job interveiw. In essence, it led me to a whole new field of media work that tapped into my talents, and now that I'm back in newspaper work, the experience and contacts I made in this other media career have provided me with a great source of free-lance/consulting income.

It all relates to networking and being bold and having your thoughts organized about who and what you are. Basically, what you need to do is go to the library or chamber of commerce, and get a list of, say, 20 or more businesses within easy driving distance that you can tell from the basics of studying the company could utilize your talents. It doesn't have to be a PR or ad agency, either. It could be a hospital, a large trucking company, a manufacturer of oil wells, whatever. As long as they have a communications and/or media department, they need someone like you.

What you do, is put together your priority list of twenty companies, figure out who the logical contact at that company is---name and job title (NOT the human resources person---that's a dead end), a few basic facts about the company in terms of recent performance and successes, and then write a three-paragraph letter (Keep it to ONE PAGE) to that person praising the company with specific info you've gathered that doesn't sound overly patronizing, tell them who you are, explain that you are considering going down a different career path, and asking them if they would give you 15-20 minutes of their time so you could pick their brain about any career-change advice they could give you, referrals to other companies and executives, and to give you any feedback they could offer on the spot about what they think of your career track. Never bring up the fact you are looking for a job.

After you send out your 20 or so letters, you wait a week to 10 days and then call that person, confirming that they received the letter and when could they work you into their schedule. Again, it's important not to treat this as a JOB SEARCH, where you start getting butterflies and sweaty palms when you get there, thinking you are their to interview for a job. YOU ARE NOT. Sure, they know you're looking for a job and so do you, but if you train yourself to think of this as a fact-gathering mission, a chance to meet people, an opportunity to be exposed to different work cultures, then this can be a blast. You make new contacts outside the newspaper business, and you keep expanding your lost of referrals with each visit you make. I promise, if you do this right, you will be relaxed while doing it and you will be amazed what you find out if you do enough of these.

Take resumes with you, but give them one only if they ask for it. Do not shove it under their nose without thier asking, or your ruin "the mood."

You gotta go into these things with confidence, convinced you are eventually going to run into something good. And you will.

The trick for you, obviously, will be finding time to do so with the demands of your job. It will also mean, for a while, even more time pulled from the family to do this. But it's very important to sit down with your wife and daughter and explain to them what you are doing and why you are pretty sure it will lead to better work hours for you and more time with them. In that respect, it sounds like you have nothing to lose.

Finally, with no motive on my part to either offend or humor the PC/ACLU types out there, I advise you to stay in daily prayer about this, and ask God to guide your actions and to open the right doors for you.

I wish you the best.

 

[rgd]

How many hours a week do you work? Any chance you can duck out of work for a couple hours on weekdays to go home and have dinner with your wife, if you don't already do that? How about moving to features or news?

 

[Tom Petty]

jebus opened a door for me earlier today.

 

[Herbert Anchovy]

Since your wife is making a good salary, you're not suffering for your art the way many do. You sound like your mind is made up. I think if anyone is considering leaving this business, it's because they've already sufficiently persuaded themselves it's no longer practical. I have witnessed/been involved in similar situations and, trust me, this not something that's going to get better.

The average American changes careers three times during a life span. There's nothing wrong with admitting you've had it and wanting something more fulfilling and less burdensome. At some point you look in the mirror while you're brushing your teeth and say I've had all I can stands, I can't stands no more.

 

[MC Sports Guy]

I have a similar issue, though maybe not quite to this degree. But I do work a lot of hours, though my marriage is far from being in trouble. But as a sort of pre-emptive strike (pardon the Bush administration jargon), I've considered going into teaching journalism at the high school/collegiate level. Of course there's additional schooling involved, but the benefits to my current and future family (no kids yet) would be important enough to consider. The best part about this option is that I could sort of stay in the field and do some stringer work on the side to get out my creative juices.

Just a thought. Maybe this isn't an option for you, though. I too wish you the best of luck.

 

[sprtswrtr10]

clutchcargo -
thanks for that very thoughtful note.
And I will use it, believe me.
Still, everybody, keep them coming.
I need ideas, experiences ...

I will say this guys,
It's not 70 hours a week, at least not anymore, there was a time, though
Sometimes it's crazy, but I've become expert at doing more in less time. But the problem remains the hours I do work. Not the amount. Anything I do between dawn and 3 p.m. doesn't affect my family. One is at work and the other at school. it's what I must do between 7 p.m. and midnight. Typically, that is the time I just can not work around and that's also the time the rest of my family has for me.

 

[buckweaver]

Ask your wife.

No, seriously.

Talk to her -- alone, on terms comfortable to both of you. Seek her support. Seek her input. Seek her advice. Explain your feelings to her just like you explained it to us here (maybe without the "marriage on the rocks" part ), but *show* her that you want to make changes to become more involved in your family -- more involved in your role as husband and your role as father. And admit to her that while you aren't yet sure how you're going to accomplish that professionally, that you are committed to doing so personally. *Show her that.*

If she's with you on this, that will ease A LOT of your concerns. And your dealings with other companies and contacts outside journalism will be a lot more comfortable for you, because you know you've got the support at home to pursue an unknown path. A terribly frightening path, by all accounts.

But don't leave her in the dark about this. You can't "save a marriage" if you're the only one that's plugging the hole in the boat. Get her involved, too. She'll appreciate that more than you know.

You can't do this by yourself. You need her by your side to make this work. You can't do anything else before you get her support.

So ask her for it. If you can do *that*, you won't have any problems asking anybody else for anything.

 

[Tom Petty]

god bless ya buck. quite possibly the best post i've ever read on SportsJournalists.com.

 

[Flip Wilson]

If you're in the same city as a Big 12 school, which is what I surmised from your first post, talk to the SID at the school you cover to see if he/she has any openings, or if he/she knows of any jobs available in the campus PR office. Check www.prsa.org to find a chapter near you. That Web site has PR jobs around the country listed, and many local PRSA chapters have their own Web sites with job listings.

Are there any community colleges in your area? I've worked at a local juco twice, and it was a great place to work.

Good luck...

 

[ballscribe]

You mentioned you already do a lot of freelance work.
That's more time away from the family, beyond your regular job.
Can't you just straight out cut that?

 

[leo1]

also make sure you know what you're getting into if you leave the business. i left the business for law school. now that i'm less than a year from starting a career as a lawyer, it's evident that the hours aren't much better for the majority of lawyers. sure, few lawyers are stuck in the office on friday and saturday nights but the rich and successful lawyers are working well over 60 hours a week. they're working closer to 70-80 hours or more in many cases. this is the same deal for many corporate jobs, although there are plenty of corporate gigs (and lawyer jobs) where people work 40-50 hours a week. but an awful lot of middle class office drones take work home with them at nights and on weekends. so just make sure you know what you're doing before you take a plunge.

 

[Ace]

10,

Is it possible that you are part of the problem? Can't let go of the reins? Can't say no? Can't give up the perks?

I would cut out all the freelance.

I would go to my boss and say that you need to scale back so that you are available at home. If that means giving someone else more responsibility, moving to news, whatever, you should be willing, especially if your wife is the bigger breadwinner.

If that fails, maybe look for something at on of the metros -- even copy editor or clerk if that works with your hours.

Good luck.

 

[ink-stained wretch]

10, by now youy should have read buck's note.

Do it RIGHT-THE-FRIG-NOW!

I know where of I speak. Do not be another sad statistic. The job is not worth it. Because, at the end of the day, you are not your job.

 

[Idaho]

Delegate you desk work and/or a beat. Work some day hours to get things set up, then go home at 5 p.m. a couple of times per week. Four nights home with the family is a ton better than two.

Or ask the big boss if you can give up the SE duties. If the money is not critical, the freedom that comes from giving up that role is great and will make a huge difference. I know this because I've been exactly where you are.