ralph wiggum said:
Speaking of Zack's "happiness" (and sorry for the threajack here) but I was having this debate with a few friends and none of us could decide: was Zack getting laid at bayside? I mean they made everyone so clean cut and innocent, but if Zack really was the big ladies man, and he never hinted at any big religious beliefs, wouldn't he have been getting some left and right? I vote yes, but I figure Mike is the athority on this one.
Well, sir. That's a tricky one. Zack's only serious girlfriend at Bayside High was Kelly Kapowski; Carosi was at the beach and Andrea was in Hawaii. Sure at graduation he says he'll miss his girlfriends, "all 86 of you," but none were really that evident. If he were really to have 86 different girlfriends during a four-year high school career, he'd have to date a new one every 2.41 weeks.
However, I have a feeling he counted Lisa, Tori, Ginger, Melissa -- the one in the wheelchair -- and any other girl he took out on a date. I don't consider them girlfriends, but I'm, sadly, not Zack Morris. If he did have sex with anyone, which wouldn't surprise me, it was probably with the cute blond who went to the toga party during Season 5 -- her name escapes me, though I don't think she's given one. Or Tori. She was the badass, remember, and I'll be they got together, though before the relationship could progress, she was gone and Jessie and Kelly were graduating.
No, Zack wasn't religious, and he was very mischievous. His dad wasn't around a whole lot, and his mom was very trusting. So I can go with the "Zack ****ed in high school theory," but I'm not completely sold. Sex was the one subject the gang didn't tackle. They got drugs and relationships, babies -- and even showed cleavage (remember when Kelly was falling out of her Juliet dress at the prom?) -- but never discussed sex.
Obviously, he and Kelly had sex eventually; if they didn't **** after marriage, something's ****ing wrong -- no pun intended. But was Zack a virgin? Well, that's a different question altogether because you've got college. Granted, he only had a few dates before getting back with Kelly. But those dates generally started at the end of the episode, while Zack was walking out of the door with a blond temptress. So who knows where -- or how -- that evening ended?
If pressed, I'd say Zack had sex before he left high school. He and Slater were in such a big competition, that eventually, that conversation would come up. You know Screech wasn't getting laid; he and Violet wouldn't have poked, and her boyfriend, Maxwell Nerdstrom called her "Lame-lips," so you can take that for whatever it's worth.
Kelly was a good girl. She wasn't going to have sex until marriage. I don't even think she let Jeff or Professor Jeremiah Lasky get into her pants. She had her values straightened out. Lisa was a know-it-all, so she'd definitely give advice on the topic, but she never really dated anyone seriously, either. She walked off hand-in-hand with Zack once, went on a couple dates with that stooge, Bryan, and took the freshman football player Darrin to the Senior Kick-Off Party. But we don't know anything further. But Lisa dumped Bryan, and she's certainly not going to **** a freshman -- especially if she'd never slept with anyone before.
Jessie is an odd duck. I think she and Slater ****ed. She was always much more mature than the others and had that "I'm-too-smart-to-make-a-mistake" vibe with her. She had a lot of lust for Slater. Under all that sexist pig talk, she wanted him. And could you blame her? A.C. was ripped, a state wrestling champ, a football star and a member of the basketball team. ****, I'd **** him. (And I might have had the opportunity two Aprils ago, too.) And Slater got around. He went to 14 different schools and lived in six different countries before moving to Bayside for good. He had a girlfriend in Germany, and I know from experience those girls are ... experienced.
But Zack? I don't know. He probably did have sex before college, though not with a Bayside girl. I'll bet, if he did have sex, it was with Stacy Carosi or Andrea; who knows, maybe after they put the 4 year old to bed, she and Zack ****ed like bunnies? I vote yes, too. Though I'm not certain. It's just a hunch.
I hope that answers your question -- and many, many more.
