Don't say I've never done anything for you...
These recipes come from a friend of mine who's a fantastic cook. All credit for the cheesy jokes and delicious food goes to her. Enjoy.
Main Dishes for Retards and Dumbasses
Beef Burgundy-Crock Pot—Takes All Day
5 med. Onions, sliced
2 lbs. Stewing meat, cubed
1.5 tbsp. flour
1/2 lb. fresh sliced mushrooms
1 tsp. salt
¼ tsp. dried marjoram
¼ tsp. dried thyme
1/8 tsp. pepper
¾ c. canned beef broth
1 ½ c. burgundy wine
noodles
Place onions in slow cooker. Dredge meat in flour. Put in cooker. Add
mushrooms, salt, marjoram, thyme, pepper. Pour in broth and wine.
Cover. Cook 8-10 hours on low. Serve over cooked noodles.
Dale & Shari's Beef Stroganoff—Crock Pot—Can Take All Day
I don't know who Dale & Shari are. God bless them anyway!
4 c. beef cubes
10 ¾ oz. Can cream of mushroom soup
1 c. sour cream
Place beef in cooker. Cover w/ mushroom soup. Cover. Cook on High 4-5 hours or low 8-10 hours. Before serving, stir in sour cream. Serve over cooked rice, pasta, or baked potatoes.
Beef, Tomato, and Noodles—Crock Pot –Takes All Day
This recipe contains beef, tomatoes, and noodles.
1 ½ lbs. stewing meat, cubed
¼ c. flour
2 c. stewed tomatoes
1 tsp. salt
¼ tsp. pepper
1 med onion, chopped
12 0z. noodles
Combine meat and flour until cubes are coated. Place in cooker. Add tomatoes, salt, pepper, and onion. Add water to cover. Cover. Simmer on low 6-8 hours. Serve over cooked noodles.
Burton's Chicken Casserole
This recipe comes from a friend of my parents' —a lawyer and former linebacker for Clemson University. He used to come stay with my brother and I when my parents went out of town. He was 6"2, weighed 245 pounds, and we called him "Nanny Burton".
2 c. diced cooked chicken
1 can mushroom soup
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1 c. evaporated milk
1 large can Chinese noodles
1 can water chestnuts
1 cup mushrooms, sliced
¾ c. chopped celery (optional)
½ c. slivered almonds (optional)
Mix all ingredients together and put in baking dish. Sprinkle on top
crushed cornflakes or spiced break crumbs. Melt ½ stick butter and
sprinkle on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
Chicken Cacciatori
2 ½-3 lbs. Chicken
3 tbsp. Oil
2 15 oz. Cans tomato sauce
1 med. Onion, sliced or chopped
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. Italian dressing
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 pkg. spaghetti
In large frying pan, brown chicken in oil. Drain excess oil. Stir in
remaining ingredients. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer 45-50 minutes
or until tender. Meanwhile, cook spaghetti. Serve over spaghetti.
Cheaters' Clam Chowder—Crock Pot
Cheaters always prosper when they make this recipe that includes cans of ready-made clam chowder that is already the recipe….
3 10 ¾ cans cream of potato soup
2 10 ¾ cans New England clam chowder
1 small onion, diced
½ c. butter
1 pt. Half & half or milk
2 6 ½ oz. cans clams, chopped (sounds gross, is not)
Combine all ingredients. Cover. Cook low 2-4 hours.
Easy Dinner Surprise(!)—Crock Pot—Takes All Day—
You can add your own "surprise" to the mix. A small plastic toy, or perhaps some of your own urine.
1 ½ lbs. Stewing meat, cubed
10 ¾ oz. can cream of mushroom soup
10 ¾ oz can cream of celery soup
1 pkg.dry onion soup mix
4 oz. can mushroom pieces
Rice/baked potatoes (you choose!)
Combine. Cover. Cook low 8-10 hours. Serve over rice or baked potatoes.
Pasta Salad
1 box pasta shells, swirls, twirls, or bow-tie pasta
1 tsp. olive oil
1 can medium black olives
1 cucumber, peeled
1 pkg. Broccoli, chopped and washed
1 pkg. Cherry or roma tomatoes, washed
bottle of Italian dressing
Boil the pasta. Add olive oil, mix and chill. Add vegetables. Pour bottle of Italian dressing over mixture, stir and chill.
Penne con Broccoli
10 0z. penne, rigatoni, or ziti
3 c. borccoli florets
2 tbsp. Each butter and oil
5 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 medium yellow, green, or red pepper, chopped
2 c. cherry or roma tomato halves
Grated parmesan cheese to taste, either fresh or in the container
salt and pepper to taste
Cook the pasta according to package directions. Three minutes before pasta is done, add broccoli. Cook for 3 more minutes. Drain and
return to pot. Meanwhile, in skillet, heat butter and oil over medium heat. Add garlic and red pepper and cook until mixture is tender.
Stir in tomatoes and heat through. Add vegetable mixture to the drained pasta and broccoli, tossing well. While mixture is still hot, season with parmesan, salt and pepper.
Perky Picnic Chicken
1 egg 2 tbsp. milk
1 half oz. envelope dry spaghetti sauce mix
¼ c. flour
2 tbsp. grated parmesan cheese
a bunch of chicken breasts
oil
Combine egg and milk in shallow bowl, mixing lightly. Combine spaghetti sauce mix, flour, and cheese. Mix well. Dip chicken pieces
in egg mixture and then in spaghetti sauce mixture. Fry in oil in large skillet for 20 min., turning to brown evenly. Cover. Cook for 20 min. longer or until tender. Serve hot or chill and serve cold.
Potato Chip Chicken
1 boneless skinless chicken breast for each person
½ stick butter for every 2 breasts
potato chips
garlic salt
Melt butter in sauce pan. Crush potato chips in bowl with potato masher, add garlic salt. Roll chicken breasts in butter and then in
crushed potato chips. Put on baking sheet. Sprinkle on more garlic salt. Cook at 400 degrees for 1 hour.
Pot Roast with Creamy Mushroom Sauce—Crock Pot
2 ½ lb. Boneless beef chicken roast
1 envelope dry onion soup mix
10 ¾ can condensed cream of chicken mushroom soup
Noodles of your choice
Place roast in slow cooker. Sprinkle with dry soup mix. Top with mushroom soup. Cover. Cook on High 1 hour and then low 8 hours, or until meat is tender. Slice. Serve w/ cooked noodles.
Rigatoni
28 oz. jar spaghetti sauce
12 oz rigatoni, cooked 1 lb. Ground beef, browned
3 c. shredded mozzarella cheese
½ lb. pepperoni slices
sliced mushrooms, optional
sliced onions, optional
Layer half of ingredients in order listed. Repeat. Cover. Cook on low 4-5 hours.
Shell Casserole
1 lb. Ground beef
1 small onion, chopped
¾ tsp. salt
¼ tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. Worcester sauce
¼ c. flour
1 ¼ c. hot water
2 tsp. beef bouillon granules
2 tbsp. red wine
6 oz. medium uncooked shells
4 oz. can sliced mushrooms, drained
1 c. sour cream
Brown ground beef and onion in saucepan. Drain. Remove from heat. Cook shells according to directions. Stir salt, garlic powder, Worcester sauce, and flour into the beef. Add water, bouillon, and wine. Mix well. Place shells in casserole dish, covering with sour cream and mushrooms. Cover with beef mixture. Cook at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes.
Spaghetti Sauce The Likes of Which Your Sorry Ass Will Never Find on God's Green Earth Again, You Miserable, Wretched Piece of Choked-Upon Hot Dog
1 lb. Ground beef
1- 6 oz. can tomato paste
1-29 oz. can tomato sauce
2 c. burgundy, or to taste
1 c. sliced mushrooms, optional
1 can medium black olives, sliced, optional
garlic salt
Italian seasoning
Combine tomato paste and tomato sauce in large pot. Add burgundy,
garlic salt, and Italian seasoning to taste. Heat until mixture
bubbles. Simmer on low for at least an hour. Meanwhile, brown ground
beef, drain. Season with garlic salt. Add to tomato sauce mixture. Add
mushrooms and olives, heat until bubbling again. Serve over spaghetti.
Bad Ass.
Spanish Rice
Purchase this Rice-a-Roni treat at your supermarket. Add 1 can stewed tomatoes and some diced chicken breasts, and you're ready to eat the food and then digest it for later return to the earth in the continuous circle of life.
Vegetable Beef Soup—Crock Pot
2 lb. Stewing meat, cubed
15 oz. can of corn
15 oz. can of green beans
1 lb. Bag frozen peas
40 oz. canned stewed tomatoes
5 beef bouillon cubes
2 tsp. salt
Combine all ingredients into cooker. Do not drain vegetables. Add
water to fill slow cooker within 3 inches of top. Cover. Cook on low 8
hours.
Tuna Fish & White Sauce
A low-budget delicacy. My dad always called this "Backup Tuna"...it's perfect for when you want to cook, but don't have much in the pantry. Oh, the romance of growing up poor.
2 tbsp. butter
2 tbsp. flour
1 c. milk
salt and pepper to taste
1 big can of tuna
4 slices bread
Melt butter over low heat. Take melted butter off heat and mix in flour. Add milk, whisk until smooth. Put mixture back on medium heat.
Stir continously untl mixture thickens and bubbles. Add salt and pepper. Toast break, slice diagonally. Spoon tuna over bread, and top with white sauce.