Getting over an awful breakup

[IllMil]

Just stuck at work and this has been on my mind all week. No one to talk to here and having one of the rough days. I've noticed it seems to go in cycles. One day I'm OK and content with moving forward, then I have a day like today where I just want to be unconscious.

I'm only 23 and I'm rational enough to know this isn't the end of the line and there are far worse things that could happen, but man does it suck. It was by far my most serious relationship (a year) up to this point.

The undoing was really that her friends despised me from day one. Hell, even prior to day one. In the very beginning she used to show me texts from them about things they say me doing on Facebook, why I was a douchebag, etc. When I walked in a room they wouldn't look at me or talk to me. Eventually it became too much. I never understood how she knew them because she was so different and seemed more mature.

It ended last Friday night. I went out with she and her friends and we went back to my apartment. About 10 feet from the door, her friends pull up (so they tailed us home) and honked and yelled at her to get in, she's wasted, walks to the car and then gets semi-pulled in, they shut off her phone and I can't reach her. About an hour later I get a call that says her door was bashed in and they all think it's me.

Obviously, it wasn't. That's the last I saw of her. A phone argument the next morning and it was over. I question that her door was even broken at all.

I know this sounds like a ****fest, and it probably was, but being left to wonder what the hell happened really sucks. Better off without this crap, I know, but that doesn't make it any easier right now. I think about her 24/7. When it was just me and her, it was a great relationship. I just couldn't beat her friends. It was like I never had a chance.

Oh well, that's my sad piano theme story. Just venting.

 

[mustangj17]

She sounds bat **** crazy and her friends are the same. You are better off without her.

 

[Sir Sid]

She sounds bat **** crazy and her friends are the same. You are better off without her.

This

 

[Ace]

Is it possible you are a douchebag?

 

[IllMil]

Is it possible you are a douchebag?

I guess anything's possible. I just know her friends decided I was one before they could ever be able to tell I actually was, and demolished me nonstop when I wasn't around.

 

[21]

If we asked her what happened, what would she say? Women who are happy in a relationship don't walk away because their friends make them. They walk away because there's another issue.

Not saying you should try to fix it, but it might be good to know so you have some closure.

 

[Stitch]

You dated a woo girl and are wondering what the problem is now? It's time to go out with someone who is an adult. Next time, date someone whose friends don't hate you.

 

[IllMil]

I've asked. Won't talk to me. The closest thing I got to closure was the night of the Super Bowl. I'm a Packer fan and she never cared about sports, but she sent me a text that said "I'm unhappy we're not together but I feel like I should say go Pack or something, because without you I wouldn't care." That was the last contact.

 

[LongTimeListener]

You dated a woo girl and are wondering what the problem is now? It's time to go out with someone who is an adult. Next time, date someone whose friends don't hate you.

I love the phrase "woo girl." Did How I Met Your Mother come up with that or has that been out there?

 

[IllMil]

I knew the response would be "***** is crazy," but she honestly wasn't. She worked a steady job. She volunteered at shelters, she had a strong family, she was normal. I wouldn't date a crazy ***** for a year. Things went south when she moved in with one of her friends. That was about a month ago, and after that, nothing worked.

 

[Wenders]

First of all, may I say from personal experience that when your s/o's friends don't like you, you are going to have a very, very tough time making it last. My ex-boyfriend had a lot of female friends (who were in relationships of their own) and used to claim that none of them liked me at all and he was better off without me. (Of course, I'm starting to wonder how much of that was him trying to not have us be friends. We've compared notes after the fact and a lot of what he was saying was bull****.) One even said that she thought I had mental deficiencies. It was somewhat of a big thing with us that his female friends didn't like me. (Of course, the guys he lived with liked me a LOT...so much so that when we broke up, they were basically on my side. But anyway.)

Closure is good. Even though you've had the "final fight" or whatever, when you can sit down a month or so from now and not hate the sight of each other, you might try to discuss it over coffee. Closure is important so that everyone can move on and, most importantly, so you don't make the same mistakes you did down the road.

Good luck.

 

[TigerVols]

I read the thread title and went "wow, someone's taking Ilmago's departure pretty damn hard."

 

[britwrit]

In the very beginning she used to show me texts from them about things they say me doing on Facebook, why I was a douchebag, etc.

Undermining 101.

Look kid, if you don't have the stomach for passive-aggressive mind games, don't even get in the ring in the first place.

 

[king cranium maximus IV]

Sounds like an unworkable situation. You're better off without.

I was engaged to my high school sweetheart at a pretty young age for these days (20). We eventually imploded, she half-broke it off, and then entirely broke it off when she met some other guy on study abroad. I was 21 and that was pretty much the show for me; I had already let the love of my life walk out on me and had nothing else left to do. Drank a lot. Smoked a lot.

June will be me and my wife's fourth anniversary. I'm 28 now. **** happens, **** passes. You'll be OK. This one just does not sound worthwhile.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Her friends sound like a nightmare. That's usually the case when you're in your early to mid 20s.

This applies to men and women. The friends see the significant other as competition for their attention. Then there's the jealously factor.

*******, I'm glad I'm happily married.

 

[Stitch]

Never date someone when their friends hate you. It means either you're the problem or your boyfriend/girlfriend is not mature enough for a serious relationship if they have friends who can't don't want them to be happy.

 

[LongTimeListener]

I would submit further that she might have been trying to get you to end it for a long time, thereby absolving herself of any guit, and that's why she was so willing to use her friends as a wedge. Seen that happen many times. It's never pretty and it's usually obvious to everyone except the person it's happening to.

 

[printdust]

Just stuck at work and this has been on my mind all week. No one to talk to here and having one of the rough days. I've noticed it seems to go in cycles. One day I'm OK and content with moving forward, then I have a day like today where I just want to be unconscious.

I'm only 23 and I'm rational enough to know this isn't the end of the line and there are far worse things that could happen, but man does it suck. It was by far my most serious relationship (a year) up to this point.

The undoing was really that her friends despised me from day one. Hell, even prior to day one. In the very beginning she used to show me texts from them about things they say me doing on Facebook, why I was a douchebag, etc. When I walked in a room they wouldn't look at me or talk to me. Eventually it became too much. I never understood how she knew them because she was so different and seemed more mature.

It ended last Friday night. I went out with she and her friends and we went back to my apartment. About 10 feet from the door, her friends pull up (so they tailed us home) and honked and yelled at her to get in, she's wasted, walks to the car and then gets semi-pulled in, they shut off her phone and I can't reach her. About an hour later I get a call that says her door was bashed in and they all think it's me.

Obviously, it wasn't. That's the last I saw of her. A phone argument the next morning and it was over. I question that her door was even broken at all.

I know this sounds like a ****fest, and it probably was, but being left to wonder what the hell happened really sucks. Better off without this crap, I know, but that doesn't make it any easier right now. I think about her 24/7. When it was just me and her, it was a great relationship. I just couldn't beat her friends. It was like I never had a chance.

Oh well, that's my sad piano theme story. Just venting.

Imagine spending 25, 30, 50 years with this bundle of joy.

Seriously, divine providence set you free. Enjoy.

 

[slappy4428]

**** her... well, not literally but if you do, steal 30-40 bucks from her purse and leave.
Otherwise, consider yourself lucky. Like printdust said, imagine spending a life with this woman.
Went through that 17 years ago when I dated a woman I worked with. Her best friend didn't like me; I knew I was toast. After a couple of weeks, didn't bother me as much as I thought.

 

[printdust]

All of us have had horror stories to one degree or another. I thank God a few times that some of those, including an ex-wife, are far, far into my past. My current wife owns me, so I couldn't gripe even if I wanted to escape, which I don't.