funny jokes

[DyePack]

People keep posting "funny" jokes at the Wenalway forum. Given the state of the board here lately, I'm sure some people here will find them hilarious. So here's the latest and greatest:

A lady is working hard in her office when a co-worker tells her that her hair smells good.

Immediately, she goes to her boss and tells him that she has been sexually harassed.

"How?" asks the boss.

"He said my hair smells good," replied the lady.

"Wouldn't you take that as a compliment?"

"Normally I would, but he's a midget."

 

[hondo]

That's weak.

 

[Mutah]

Two old friends -- guys haven't seen each other for years -- meet on the street and start talking. Midway through the conversation, one stops, cocks his head to one side and says "George, the last time I saw you, you were thinking about becoming a pilot."
"Yup," says his friend, dejectedly.
"Well, did you take flight lessons?"
George answers in the affirmative, yet sinks lower. Curious, his friend asks why the long face.
"Well," says George. "I cruised through the classroom portion of flight school, I was on the first training flight and the pilot turned to me and informed me that A) he was a first-degree blackbelt, and B) if I didn't succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump from the plane immediately."
"Geez. That sucks," says the friend. "Well, did you jump?"
"A little, at first."

 

[buckweaver]

Two old friends -- guys haven't seen each other for years -- meet on the street and start talking. Midway through the conversation, one stops, cocks his head to one side and says "George, the last time I saw you, you were thinking about becoming a pilot."
"Yup," says his friend, dejectedly.
"Well, did you take flight lessons?"
George answers in the affirmative, yet sinks lower. Curious, his friend asks why the long face.
"Well," says George. "I cruised through the classroom portion of flight school, I was on the first training flight and the pilot turned to me and informed me that A) he was a first-degree blackbelt, and B) if I didn't succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump from the plane immediately."
"Geez. That sucks," says the friend. "Well, did you jump?"
"A little, at first."

I read this joke in Playboy like 15 years ago. Only in that variation, it was a dude in the Air Force whose CO took them on paratrooper training, etc. Damn, why do I remember that?

 

[Mutah]

fess up, buck. that playboy's in a cardboard box marked 'junior high textbooks' in your attic right now, isn't it?

 

[buckweaver]

fess up, buck. that playboy's in a cardboard box marked 'junior high textbooks' in your attic right now, isn't it?

;D

 

[fmrsped]

Guy goes into a doctor's office, and says he's got a real problem.

"I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam."

Doctor pauses for just second.

"I know what your problem is. You're too tense."

 

[hondo]

someone feel free to post a joke that's actually funny.

 

[fmrsped]

someone feel free to post a joke that's actually funny.

come on, that was gold. gold hondo! [/banya]

 

[BYH]

someone feel free to post a joke that's actually funny.

I think the point of this thread is to tell unfunny jokes.

 

[HC]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in the Elks Lodge #2309.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman, we'll call her Maureen, in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"



The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, when Maureen yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little **** sitting on your knee!"

 

[fmrsped]

I thnik that's what Hondo has in mind.

Good work HC.

 

[hondo]

That's obvious....so I'll post one.

Old woman buys a talking parrot, puts him in a cage of the kitchen. First day, she leans over the sink and the parrot says: "Nice ass."

Old lady says she won't tolerate that kind of filthy talk and puts the bird in the freezer for 15 minutes. Takes him out and says, "have you learned a lesson?"

"brrrrr...yes maam...I'll never say something like that again," parrot says.

Next day, old lady leans over the stove. Parrot says: "Nice tits."

Old lady says she won't tolerate that kind of filthy talk and puts the bird in the freezer for half an hour. Takes him out and says, "have you learned a lesson?"

"brrrrr...yes maam...I'll never say something like that again," parrot says. "But can I ask a question?'

Old lady says, "yes."

Parrot says: "What'd the turkey in there do? Ask you for a blow job?"

 

[zimbabwe]

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?


They can both smell it, but they can't eat it.

 

[SockPuppet]

A punk rocker gets on a city bus. He's got hair of three or four wild colors, and it's all fluffed out.
Old man sitting across the aisle stares at him.
Finally, the punk rocker asks, 'Hey, dude, why are you staring at me?"
Old man says, "20 years ago I ****ed a peacock. I'm trying to figure out if you're my son.''

A lady's playing golf, gets stung by a wasp. She goes to the pro shop for some first aid. The pro asks her where she got stung. "Between the first and second holes,'' she says. He says: "Lady, your stance is too wide.''

 

[The Q Man]

In Russia, car drives you.

 

[Chi City 81]

In Russia, car drives you.

What a country!

 

[bigpern23]

How are a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist similar?


They can both smell it, but they can't eat it.

Fixed.




Lady goes into the convenience store picks up some milk, bread, deodorant and toothpaste and takes it to the checkout counter. Cashier rings her up and as he bags her groceries, he looks up and says, "You're single aren't you?" Woman says, "How did you know that? You can tell just by looking at my groceries?" Cashier says, "No, I know because you're ****ing ugly."

 

[TheSportsPredictor]

Funny jokes = redundant

This thread = not redundant

 

[lono]

Two cats, an English cat named One, Two, Three and a French cat named Un, Deux, Trois decide they are going to swim across the English Channel to see who's faster.

Which cat won?







One, Two, Three won.

Un, Deux, Trois, quatre cinq.