Editing - Which version is better?

[Chiefdom]

Thanks guys, you are free to help others!

 

[Chiefdom]

.

 

[DyePack]

My feedback is you should be glad I wasn't your editor, or what would have run would have looked like this:

 

[Chiefdom]

Care to elaborate more specifically? I'd really be appreciate anything you have to offer. Thanks.

 

[DyePack]

More specifically, if you're still in college and you're already advocating circumstantial evidence over the gathering of facts, then I think you need to ask your school for a tuition refund.

 

[DyePack]

OK, back to this. I see some extra words that were taken out. I also see some changes such as breaking up sentences that I wouldn't necessarily have made. But I don't think they're bad changes.

 

[DyePack]

I would do that, except I have yet to see anything more than superficial changes. Substantially it seems to be much the same between versions.

 

[WazzuGrad00]

Well, the edit missed the fact that it was Justin Gatlin and not someone named Chris Gatlin who was suspended for testing positive.

When the facts aren't right, the rest of it really doesn't matter.

 

[DyePack]

I agree with the changes to the first graf, but I wouldn't have made the same change and created the sentence fragment in the second graf.

 

[DyePack]

If this hasn't run yet, then you could knock "A few months ago" out of the lede.

 

[DyePack]

Now I'm confuzzled. So is it going to run with Chris Gatlin as the name?

 

[DyePack]

Not to overstep here, but if the original text has been removed, this thread may as well be deleted.