Divine intervention

[KYSportsWriter]

Whenever we fall behind, I yank the starting pitcher and send in His Holiness.

Jesus saves.

Only after Peter denied him three times, right?









I'm so going to hell for that.

 

[Batman]

Reporter: So you guys have lost six in a row and fallen out of first place. Why is this team struggling so much right now?
Judas: Well, that Jesus guy just isn't pulling his weight. He's blown what, five saves this month? Dude is more concerned with saving souls than saving games. Our third baseman doesn't have that problem. He's on some sort of mission.
Reporter: Yeah, Mohammed's sure smashing the ball.
Judas: Sure is. He's a little intense, but it's really just passion. He wants all the fans on his side, whether they like it or not.
Reporter: What about your other teammates? Do you feel like they share that passion?
Judas: Some do, some don't. Buddha's always worried about killing a bird ever since he saw Randy Johnson do it. He used to chunk it, but he's lost 5 mph off his fastball and put on 20 pounds since then. Not that you can tell. And Shiva has that great delivery, what with the eight arms and all. You can't tell wear the ball is coming from. If she'd just get her head in the game and stop whining about the concession stand serving hamburgers, she'd be unstoppable.
Reporter: What about your contract situation, Judas? Any progress there?
Judas: Yeah, a little. They're giving me an extra 30 thousand for winning the Silver Slugger last season. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

 

[writing irish]

 

[mike311gd]

Reporter: So you guys have lost six in a row and fallen out of first place. Why is this team struggling so much right now?
Judas: Well, that Jesus guy just isn't pulling his weight. He's blown what, five saves this month? Dude is more concerned with saving souls than saving games. Our third baseman doesn't have that problem. He's on some sort of mission.
Reporter: Yeah, Mohammed's sure smashing the ball.
Judas: Sure is. He's a little intense, but it's really just passion. He wants all the fans on his side, whether they like it or not.
Reporter: What about your other teammates? Do you feel like they share that passion?
Judas: Some do, some don't. Buddha's always worried about killing a bird ever since he saw Randy Johnson do it. He used to chunk it, but he's lost 5 mph off his fastball and put on 20 pounds since then. Not that you can tell. And Shiva has that great delivery, what with the eight arms and all. You can't tell wear the ball is coming from. If she'd just get her head in the game and stop whining about the concession stand serving hamburgers, she'd be unstoppable.
Reporter: What about your contract situation, Judas? Any progress there?
Judas: Yeah, a little. They're giving me an extra 30 thousand for winning the Silver Slugger last season. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

Dude, nice. But I'm sure that time could have been put toward something a little more productive.

 

[Tom Petty]

Here's a theological question for the board:

If Baseball Jesus is all powerful, can he throw a curveball that even he couldn't hit?

that's deep, ****.



(get it?)

 

[Rumpleforeskin]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

 

[greenlantern]

Wow. Even I find that offensive.

 

[Batman]

Reporter: So you guys have lost six in a row and fallen out of first place. Why is this team struggling so much right now?
Judas: Well, that Jesus guy just isn't pulling his weight. He's blown what, five saves this month? Dude is more concerned with saving souls than saving games. Our third baseman doesn't have that problem. He's on some sort of mission.
Reporter: Yeah, Mohammed's sure smashing the ball.
Judas: Sure is. He's a little intense, but it's really just passion. He wants all the fans on his side, whether they like it or not.
Reporter: What about your other teammates? Do you feel like they share that passion?
Judas: Some do, some don't. Buddha's always worried about killing a bird ever since he saw Randy Johnson do it. He used to chunk it, but he's lost 5 mph off his fastball and put on 20 pounds since then. Not that you can tell. And Shiva has that great delivery, what with the eight arms and all. You can't tell wear the ball is coming from. If she'd just get her head in the game and stop whining about the concession stand serving hamburgers, she'd be unstoppable.
Reporter: What about your contract situation, Judas? Any progress there?
Judas: Yeah, a little. They're giving me an extra 30 thousand for winning the Silver Slugger last season. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

Dude, nice. But I'm sure that time could have been put toward something a little more productive.

Like watching "Saved By The Bell" reruns and wondering if Screech had to pay Zach protection money?

 

[GoDeacs]

I'm all for people praying to play to the best of their ability or that no one gets hurt ...

But it's a well-known rule where I work that if you try to quote someone saying Jesus helped them win or anything along those lines, it's coming right out, and quickly. Jesus doesn't care who wins and don't try to tell me He does. I've got no tolerance for that.

And as Jesus Quintana said: Nobody ****s with the Jesus.

 

[Tom Petty]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

he's packing some large lumber.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

 

[Tom Petty]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

the nails in the hands or the crown of thorns?

 

[greenlantern]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

the nails in the hands or the crown of thorns?

That's not even funny. It seems like you're going for shock value for no reason.

 

[Write-brained]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

the nails in the hands or the crown of thorns?

That's not even funny. It seems like you're going for shock value for no reason.

Precisely. Everyone knows you must have a good reason to mock Christ.

 

[Tom Petty]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

the nails in the hands or the crown of thorns?

That's not even funny. It seems like you're going for shock value for no reason.

Precisely. Everyone knows you must have a good reason to mock Christ.

oh **** is that ever funny. you just have to think about the source of the statement, not the statement itself.

 

[Chi City 81]

Do not taunt Happy Fun Christ.

 

[Tom Petty]

Do not taunt Happy Fun Christ.

amen, doc. amen.

 

[Write-brained]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

the nails in the hands or the crown of thorns?

That's not even funny. It seems like you're going for shock value for no reason.

Precisely. Everyone knows you must have a good reason to mock Christ.

oh **** is that ever funny. you just have to think about the source of the statement, not the statement itself.

Wow. I honestly didn't even think about that. That is funny. Except I did have a good reason - to irritate Yawn. Even God gave me His blessing.

 

[Tom Petty]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

the nails in the hands or the crown of thorns?

That's not even funny. It seems like you're going for shock value for no reason.

Precisely. Everyone knows you must have a good reason to mock Christ.

oh **** is that ever funny. you just have to think about the source of the statement, not the statement itself.

Wow. I honestly didn't even think about that. That is funny. Except I did have a good reason - to irritate Yawn. Even God gave me His blessing.

and that's what people such as lantern boy forget: god has a killer sense of humor.

 

[Write-brained]

Hey, Jesus, how big was your strike zone when you pitched?

About this big.

Wow.

Too far, man. Too far.

the nails in the hands or the crown of thorns?

That's not even funny. It seems like you're going for shock value for no reason.

Precisely. Everyone knows you must have a good reason to mock Christ.

oh **** is that ever funny. you just have to think about the source of the statement, not the statement itself.

Wow. I honestly didn't even think about that. That is funny. Except I did have a good reason - to irritate Yawn. Even God gave me His blessing.

and that's what people such as lantern boy forget: god has a killer sense of humor.

God has to have a sense of humor if he's hanging out at state baseball tournaments all day ...