"But" writing

[sirvaliantbrown]

I feel as if I've fallen into a writing rut in which I way-too-often set up "but"s.
--
Smith, 43, doesn't like basketball. But when the Sacramento Monarchs are on TV, he can't turn away.

John Thompson likes cheese - a lot. But, today, he is eating an orange.
--
Those examples are (obviously) both fake and bad, but (see!) that's what I've been doing. And it's bad - or, at least, uncreative, especially when it becomes my first lede-construction instinct.

How do I get out?! How do I stop?!

 

[Dickens Cider]

I don't know how to avoid it. But I'm sure someone will.

I'd wish you luck. But luck has nothing to do with it.

 

[GBNF]

Sometimes, going away from buts and thoughs and howevers can be a great writing tool.

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant

 

[Joe Williams]

One of my pet peeves: Writers who string together two, three or even four sentences that start with "But." Reading it is like being a puppet, the guy holding the strings taking you right, then left, then right, then left again in rapid sucession. Besides, it just reads (sounds) bad. Seems to show up in deadline writing a lot.

Remember reading one nationally respected columnist who could be counted on to double- or triple-up on his "but"'s in every damn column. Drove me nuts. Vowed I would never do it. And haven't, at least one writing tic I avoid.

 

[TheMethod]

Oddly, I have the opposite problem. I an constantly beginning sentences with "And." It's really starting to **** the **** out of me.

And I'm not being sarcastic.

 

[0-fer]

GBNF nailed it. Go through your copy, take out sentence-opening conjunctions and you'll likely find it reads better. The key for that is in the setup, as GBNF exemplified.

That works if you've got space to set it up, though I find "though" a bit more palatable than "But" and use it where I would normally use "But" when you don't have space for a windy set-up (if it's not in the lede, for example, but perhaps further down in the copy).

i.e.

John Thompson likes cheese - a lot. Today, though, he is eating an orange.

or

The last time Weber faced the smaller Mustang defenders he dominated in the paint, pouring in 26 points and 19 rebounds. This time, though, Bumble**** High had an answer.

 

[Riddick]

I had a writer try bitching me out for editing his copy. Being the new guy, i was real cool about it.
But every other sentence started with "but." And, "and."
However, he did throw in some "howevers" every now and then. Though, each time he did, it seemed like it should have said "but," instead.

 

[DemoChristian]

Sometimes, going away from buts and thoughs and howevers can be a great writing tool.

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant

Maybe it's just me, but I cringed at the garlic line. But the rest is pretty good. And I'm serious. However, I'm not joking.

 

[JackReacher]

The last time Weber faced the smaller Mustang defenders he dominated in the paint, pouring in 26 points and 19 rebounds. This time, though, Bumble**** High had an answer.

This time, Bumble**** High had an answer.

The 'though' is not needed in this sentence since 'This time' tells the reader it's a different time than the last time.

 

[0-fer]

True, bad example, though I hope the intent comes through.

 

[ColbertNation]

Sometimes, going away from buts and thoughs and howevers can be a great writing tool.

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant

i SO want to know how that story ends

 

[amraeder]

Sometimes, going away from buts and thoughs and howevers can be a great writing tool.

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant

i SO want to know how that story ends

Hopefully with a ninja. Or a dragon. Or a dragon-ninja.

 

[Some Guy]

Oddly, I have the opposite problem. I an constantly beginning sentences with "And." It's really starting to **** the **** out of me.

And I'm not being sarcastic.

I have the same problem, except with the word "****."

I work for Hustler.

 

[BB Bobcat]

I had just been thinking I'd fallen into the same trap.

I was reading this while at a game, and then I went back and looked at my running story and realized I had done a "but" lead!!!

So I changed it.

SportsJournalists.com ... fixing the world ... one running story at a time.

 

[GBNF]

Sometimes, going away from buts and thoughs and howevers can be a great writing tool.

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant

Maybe it's just me, but I cringed at the garlic line. But the rest is pretty good. And I'm serious. However, I'm not joking.

Hah, I loved that line. Not bad for 25 seconds.

 

[GBNF]

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant
"I always thought I was above it," said Thompson, peeling away the rind like layers of string cheese — some habits are hard to break. "And then I'd get .violent stomach aches and my wife would complain about the smell of, um, well..."
He trails off, as his wife chimes in.
"You haven't experienced hell until you've had one of John's dutch ovens," Therese Thompson said, grimacing, scrunching her nose — some habits are hard to break.
John's situation is a dire one.
As one of the primary testers of taste for Velveeta, Thompson literally made a life out of cheese.
He's been working at the Velveeta plant for 18 years, first as a kneeder, then as a sniffer, now as a taster.
"I have no idea about my next step," said Thompson, who named his children Gargonzola and Jack. "I thought I could retire on cheese. Now my stomach is not only robbing me of my favorite food, but my livelihood."

 

[ColbertNation]

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant
"I always thought I was above it," said Thompson, peeling away the rind like layers of string cheese — some habits are hard to break. "And then I'd get .violent stomach aches and my wife would complain about the smell of, um, well..."
He trails off, as his wife chimes in.
"You haven't experienced hell until you've had one of John's dutch ovens," Therese Thompson said, grimacing, scrunching her nose — some habits are hard to break.
John's situation is a dire one.
As one of the primary testers of taste for Velveeta, Thompson literally made a life out of cheese.
He's been working at the Velveeta plant for 18 years, first as a kneeder, then as a sniffer, now as a taster.
"I have no idea about my next step," said Thompson, who named his children Gargonzola and Jack. "I thought I could retire on cheese. Now my stomach is not only robbing me of my favorite food, but my livelihood."

Awesome. I'm hooked.

 

[sirvaliantbrown]

John Thompson likes his cheese.
Cheddar, mozzarella, munster. All kinds. Swiss, even.
He eats it three times a day, sometimes more. It dominates his diet the way garlic dominates breath.
Today, he is eating an orange.
Today, he discovered he is lactose intolerant
"I always thought I was above it," said Thompson, peeling away the rind like layers of string cheese — some habits are hard to break. "And then I'd get .violent stomach aches and my wife would complain about the smell of, um, well..."
He trails off, as his wife chimes in.
"You haven't experienced hell until you've had one of John's dutch ovens," Therese Thompson said, grimacing, scrunching her nose — some habits are hard to break.
John's situation is a dire one.
As one of the primary testers of taste for Velveeta, Thompson literally made a life out of cheese.
He's been working at the Velveeta plant for 18 years, first as a kneeder, then as a sniffer, now as a taster.
"I have no idea about my next step," said Thompson, who named his children Gargonzola and Jack. "I thought I could retire on cheese. Now my stomach is not only robbing me of my favorite food, but my livelihood."

This is fantastic.

However, John Thompson is the former coach of the Georgetown University Hoyas, not a Velveeta employee. Correction, please.

 

[Flash]

If any of you ever want to switch over to marketing and communications, know this: 'but' is a negative word and does not belong in 'sell' copy.

Of course, so is the word 'not.'

Dammit, this **** isn't easy sometimes.

 

[Songbird]

try dealing with copy when the writer starts sentences galore with "and" ...