Boredom plus OnDemand could equal a really bad decision

[hockeybeat]

I made a terrible movie decision last night, and I'm hoping that I can provide a Public Service Announcement to the fine folks here at SportsJournalists.com.

After The Office marathon, I was bored. Over a thousand channels, and nothing was on. I don't watch drafts, so the NBA's selection shindig on ESPN was out. I despise bad baseball, so there was no chance I would observe the Yankees-Orioles game. My television was a vast wasteland of nothing and filler.

So, I started flipping around. And I came across to OnDemand, where the featured film was "Epic Movie." Now, I like slapstick comedy. And even though the flick seemed to be as amusing as a rectal exam, I decided to order it.

Did I ever screw up.

I did not laugh once, to say nothing of smiling. And I tried, really, to enjoy it. There was just nothing to laugh at. The gags were forced. The one-liners caused me to drop my head and shake it back-and-forth, a mix of exasperation, frustration, resignation and disgust.

After an hour and fifteen minutes, I gave up, settling for Seinfeld and back-to-back episodes of Scrubs, starring the beguiling Sarah Chalke. Oh, lovely Sarah Chalke, how I love thee so.

I digress.

I just wanted to say that I wasted money on a comedic movie that wasn't funny. And if any SJers are ever in the same boat I was in last night, do not order Epic Movie.

 

[slappy4428]

You dont jump right into the deep end.
Start with the movie channels on-demand first -- HBO, Showtime, Starz...
Then and only then if you find something you can't watch, then hit the PPV...

 

[Pastor]

Damn. I'll have to tell the Mrs. that tonight's plans are changed.

 

[hockeybeat]

Epic Movie was so awful, it made Dukes of Hazzard look like Schindler's List.

 

[Pastor]

Epic Movie was so awful, it made Dukes of Hazzard look like Schindler's List.

This news will break her heart. We were so looking forward to tonight.

 

[slappy4428]

Date Movie was OK.. not another teen movie was a flippin riot -- especially with the Molly Ringwald bit...

 

[Write-brained]

Should have read the worst movie thread a few days ago, HB ...

I would have ordered it the other night had posters not pointed out that it was much worse than Date Movie - which I also despised. I will admit I was thinking about ordering it again tonight until I saw this thread (there is nothing on - FU HBO.)

 

[bostonbred]

I was warned off this one when it came out and I had wanted to see it...

I enjoyed Date Movie, which also got horrible reviews...

Sounds like I'm glad I skipped this one...

Date Movie wasn't that bad and had a few good laughs.

Epic Movie=worst. movie. ever.

 

[Songbird]

No, "How Bad Can It Get?" with Leguizamo and DeVito is the worst movie ever, with "Love, Actually" a close 2nd. And this from someone who rarely pans a movie.

 

[Mighty_Wingman]

No, "How Bad Can It Get?" with Leguizamo and DeVito is the worst movie ever, with "Love, Actually" a close 2nd. And this from someone who rarely pans a movie.

You must have misspelled "Keeping the Faith."

 

[StormSurge]

Surely there was an adult feature that would've suited you better. ;D

 

[Batman]

Surely there was an adult feature that would've suited you better. ;D

If he's that hot for Sarah Chalke, he missed a golden opportunity. There was something called "Why I wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy" on Lifetime Movie Network last night. I'm sure the movie itself was every bit as uplifiting as the title indicates.
I don't know, I didn't stick around.
But I did flip through the channels just in time to see the lovely Ms. Chalke getting busy for 30 seconds of bra-clad, Lifetime Channel softcore. Veeeerrry nice ;D

 

[CentralIllinoisan]

Surely there was an adult feature that would've suited you better. ;D

Romancing the Bone?

 

[Freelance Hack]

Surely there was an adult feature that would've suited you better. ;D

If he's that hot for Sarah Chalke, he missed a golden opportunity. There was something called "Why I wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy" on Lifetime Movie Network last night. I'm sure the movie itself was every bit as uplifiting as the title indicates.
I don't know, I didn't stick around.
But I did flip through the channels just in time to see the lovely Ms. Chalke getting busy for 30 seconds of bra-clad, Lifetime Channel softcore. Veeeerrry nice ;D

I don't care if watching it came with a complementary blow job, I would never, NEVER watch the Lifetime Movie Network.

 

[Batman]

Surely there was an adult feature that would've suited you better. ;D

If he's that hot for Sarah Chalke, he missed a golden opportunity. There was something called "Why I wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy" on Lifetime Movie Network last night. I'm sure the movie itself was every bit as uplifiting as the title indicates.
I don't know, I didn't stick around.
But I did flip through the channels just in time to see the lovely Ms. Chalke getting busy for 30 seconds of bra-clad, Lifetime Channel softcore. Veeeerrry nice ;D

I don't care if watching it came with a complementary blow job, I would never, NEVER watch the Lifetime Movie Network.

Trust me, I don't watch it. If the wife turns it on, it's time to go in the other room and fire up the XBox. But it IS worth glancing (just glancing) at once in a while, as I zip from the Weather Channel back to the top of the dial, for moments like these.
In this case, I was bored and just randomly flipping. I got to that channel and saw Sarah Chalke in a bathrobe. Immediately, my porno sense started tingling. I've seen enough Skinemax movies to know that bathrobe = nudity soon.
Of course, since this was the Male Bashing Network, and basic cable, the best we got was 5 or 10 seconds of her walking around in a bra. Well worth the time.

 

[slappy4428]

Surely there was an adult feature that would've suited you better. ;D

If he's that hot for Sarah Chalke, he missed a golden opportunity. There was something called "Why I wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy" on Lifetime Movie Network last night. I'm sure the movie itself was every bit as uplifiting as the title indicates.
I don't know, I didn't stick around.
But I did flip through the channels just in time to see the lovely Ms. Chalke getting busy for 30 seconds of bra-clad, Lifetime Channel softcore. Veeeerrry nice ;D

I don't care if watching it came with a complementary blow job, I would never, NEVER watch the Lifetime Movie Network.

So.. you turning down a complimentary blow job, FH? Hmmmm.... time to revoke the man card