(Bad) neighbours

[Clever username]

Do you ever wonder what those people might think about you? Like do they think you're weird for whatever reason? Although I suppose it's better not to try and figure out freaks. You might scare yourself.

Here's what they're posting on ApartmentRecluses.com:

"That girl who lives next to me, she's crazy. I don't think she sleeps. Why the **** does she have to shower at 2 a.m.? And then she's up at 8, blasting some Tori Amos ****. And dear lord, when her boyfriend comes to visit... they really need to fix that bed."

Yeah, if they're creepy recluses, somehow I doubt they're annoyed by your shenanigans. In fact, you might want to check for sound recording devices on your walls and figure out how to search for the sound of your moans voice on the Internet.

 

[Beef03]

Do you ever wonder what those people might think about you? Like do they think you're weird for whatever reason? Although I suppose it's better not to try and figure out freaks. You might scare yourself.

Here's what they're posting on ApartmentRecluses.com:

"That girl who lives next to me, she's crazy. I don't think she sleeps. Why the **** does she have to shower at 2 a.m.? And then she's up at 8, blasting some Tori Amos ****. And dear lord, when her boyfriend comes to visit... they really need to fix that bed."

When I was in college I had a basement apartment, the couple above me I know had a very healthy sex life, because most nights I went to sleep to the sound of their creaking mattress. That's all I ever heard out of them, outside of the odd time when he would listen to the same Creed CD for about three days straight on high volume.

My neighbours across the hallway were a different sort. I'm pretty sure he was Russian and his wife was East Indian or Pakistani or something along those lines. at least four of seven nights a week the hallway was filled with the strong smell of curry. I also remember they argued a lot and their daughter cried alto.

 

[BYH]

I think I'm going to key his truck tonight.

If you can somehow jimmy the hood open, cram the windshield washer fluid tank with baking soda and vinegar. Once his car gets moving, hits a few bumps...glory is yours

Put vaseline under his windshield wipers and door handles.

That you didn't suggest a Comet Bomb ranks as the SportsJournalists.com upset of the year. :D

 

[boots]

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TOUCH HIS PROPERTY. IF YOU DID THAT **** AND WERE A NEIGHBOR OF MINE, I'D KICK YOUR ASS TO MANATOBA AND BACK.

 

[Write-brained]

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TOUCH HIS PROPERTY. IF YOU DID THAT **** AND WERE A NEIGHBOR OF MINE, I'D KICK YOUR ASS TO MANATOBA AND BACK.

And then to Toronta and Montreawl.

 

[Buck]

At my current home, I have no complaints about the neighbors.
At my previous apartment, I had loud neighbors how argued loudly about such topics as 'Pass me the f*ckin' pipe!'
They also had an infant. When the babby cried, they dealt with the situation by yelling at her to 'Shut the **** up!'

 

[Write-brained]

Once you get a house you never go back.

We once had a next door neighbor at an apartment complex who lost her job. A month or so later she had a new car, sexy clothes and about four to five men coming to her apartment a day. We were pretty confident was running an escort service ... more power to her ...

My most memorable neighbor was in college, had a swastika tattoed on his arm. Every morning at 6:30 a.m. he would rev up his pickup about 50 times before he went to work.

 

[boots]

I had a neighbor (not my current friend) who passed gas so loud, you could hear it through the paper-thin walls.

 

[rico_the_redneck]

Worst neighbors: Of course they were always when we lived in apartments. The squeaky matress guy banging his fat-ass girlfriend above us, the lady who blasted Michael Bolton music (15 years ago and I still hate that f-er) from the apartment above and the anti-abortion whacko who posted signs on her door across the hall from me (I thought they were aimed at me ... a pro-choice whacko, but apparently they were for an ex-boyfriend).

Since we've been in our house, it's a totally different ballgame. A lot of people keep to themselves, which I don't particularly like. But we have an asian neighbor who brings us home-made fried rice from time to time. Another neighbor and his wife have started coming to our daughter's tee-ball softball games (more than my own damn family). Tonight, the same lady neighbor (who has lupus and needs a kidney transplant) brought over turnip greens, greenbeans and potatos. Best stuff I've had since my Granny died six years ago. My wife is a yankee who does not know how to cook such southern delicacies! Don't get me wrong, I like my wife's cooking better than anything else on earth (now that Granny's gone) but she just doesn't do the beans and greans thing I was raised on!

 

[farmerjerome]

We have a neighbor who talks like the bus driver on South Park yes. She's absolutely insane, but we can't do anything about it. She's the ADA's wife.

Which, of course, makes her think she's absolutely entiled to everything.

The otherday she yelled at my 72-year-old father for encroaching on her driveway while he helped Dr. J unload a china cabinet. Fat *****.

 

[Buck]

We have a neighbor who talks like the bus driver on South Park yes. She's absolutely insane, but we can't do anything about it. She's the ADA's wife.

Which, of course, makes her think she's absolutely entiled to everything.

The otherday she yelled at my 72-year-old father for encroaching on her driveway while he helped Dr. J unload a china cabinet. Fat *****.

She's the assistant district attorney's wife!

 

[Beef03]

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TOUCH HIS PROPERTY. IF YOU DID THAT **** AND WERE A NEIGHBOR OF MINE, I'D KICK YOUR ASS TO MANATOBA AND BACK.

Fear not Boots, I didn't touch his truck, more fantasizing than anything.I'm too much of a chicken **** to do anything like that. Still doesn't mean I can't be pissed off at this ignorant prick. His truck is also a peace of ****. Although it's a newer model Nissan, it runs louder than most diesels, that and he also likes to let it warm up for a half hour every morning at about 6:30

 

[boots]

Call the cops. Go out and talk with him. Just don't touch his ****. Then you will be in the wrong.

 

[MertWindu]

boots, he was kidding. Why don't you go commit sodomy and calm down.

 

[cougargirl]

Downstairs we have the Savages. At least that's what I call them, because they're uncivilized. All they do is yell and scream and slam doors and when there is a problem they don't simply walk up the stairs to ask us to take care of it - instead, they bang on the ceiling of their apartment as a means of communication. Likewise, when one of us goes downstairs to ask the same, we're greeted by yelling and screaming and an eventual door slamming.

 

[Buck]

New neighbors are quiet. I had a beer with one the other week while he was working on his car. He promised to take me to the chicken fights.
It's a great neighborhood - friendly and quiet.
Plus, now we've got an orange tree and a lemon tree.

 

[outofplace]

boots, he was kidding. Why don't you go commit sodomy and calm down.

Perhaps all that loud passing of gas has turned him off rear entry. I know he says it's a different neighbor, but who can really separate fact from fiction there at this point?

 

[alleyallen]

I'm sure my neighbors think I'm werid (I keep no set schedule and will often change things up because I'm bored), but they're definitely there too.

There is, on my one-street neighborhood:
* Two very nice families who cause no problem at all other than have achingly beautiful lawns while mine looks like I'm starting up a weed farm.
* One very nice retired couple with a husband who NEVER, EVER, EVER wears a shirt and has more back hair than the Yeti.
* One apparently nice family who was suspected of harboring illegal immigrants to the point where the cops were there investigating ever few days.
* One apparently nice family who had a young puppy they left loose, and would routinely jump up and knock over my son. I remedied that by cracking the dog's ass with a plastic Star Wars lightsaber (something my son talks about to this day). This family also attempted to prepare for Hurricane Rita by covering their windows in cardboard (duh!), and propping up those coverings with heavy branches stuck in the ground. Huh?
* One creepy, older, retired single guy with a yipping dog (I HATE yipping dogs more than most other animals on this planet, poisonous snakes included) that he never leashes. Which means he's constantly outside, back hunched and a cigarette in his fingers (despite having four heart surgeries), yelling "Skipper! C'mere!"

That being said, I have an ex-wife who will sometimes show up in a vehicle other than hers, will open my garage to pick up something I'd left for her (I lock the rest of the house and use the garage as a pick-up point) and will hang out on my porch and smoke cigarettes while she's waiting to do some other chore in town.
I also, in the past 18 months, had the fortune of overnight or evening visits from several different women, so they probably think I'm either a dealer, a player or a pimp.

And, when it's dark and I need something from my car, I'll walk outside in my boxer briefs and shirt.

I guess we're all weird.

 

[rallen13]

I'm are not wierdo. Are I?

 

[rallen13]

Except when I hang around alleyallen.