Alternatives to cursing

[Clever username]

As I've mentioned before, we've got a lady in our newsroom who is bothered and actually made to feel nervous and uncomfortable by loud bursts of cursing, so I've been trying to come up with alternatives. Mostly I'm curious about cursing in other languages. For those who have seen the documentary "****," yelling out "Boone" just isn't going to cut it.

Anybody know any?

One I remember from a while back, though not exactly sure of the spelling, is backrachud. It means goat****er in Hindi, I believe.

 

[Write-brained]

My wife is struggling BIG time with this now that the four-year-old recites everything she hears. It's almost comical to listen to my wife come up with alternatives.

"Holy ... Moly!"

"Mother .... of Pearl!"

And, my personal favorite: "BAD WORDS, BAD WORDS, BAD WORDS!!" ;D

 

[John]

Spalding Smails: Turds.
Judge Smails: Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
Spalding Smails: Sorry grandpa I forgot.
Judge Smails: Oh Dr. Beeper, Bishop Pickering this is my niece Lacey Underall. Lacey's mother sent her to us for the summer.
Dr. Beeper: Must be a nice change from dreary old Manhattan.
Lacey Underall: Yes I was really getting tired of having fun all the time.
Judge Smails: Ah. Ho ho. Ha ha ha.
Spalding Smails: Double turds.
Judge Smails: *Spaulding*!

 

[buckweaver]

**** this ****.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

One co-worker's favorite substitute curse word: Horse radishes.

 

[Write-brained]

I can't bring myself to say something stupid like Horse radishes. I just hold my tongue until no one can hear me - and then I go off.

 

[Clever username]

I can't bring myself to say something stupid like Horse radishes. I just hold my tongue until no one can hear me - and then I go off.

That's why I want to learn curses in other languages.

 

[Mayfly]

Fucryingoutloud. Watched "The Man" the other night and got that out of there. One of the few bad Samuel L. Jackson movies.

 

[farmerjerome]

Fork!

or

Michael Kors!

 

[KYSportsWriter]

*WARNING: LINK IS NSFW*


http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/

Sorry about that folks.

 

[Jims242]

We just substitute the curse word with a name that begins with the same letter.

"****" is now "Fred"

"****ing asshold" is "Fred and Andy."

Excuse me, I had Wendy's chili and now I got to go take a monster steve.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

****ing asshold?

 

[Clever username]

http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/

Bless you, sir. May you achieve total consciousness on your deathbed.

Edit: Holy ****, man. Put a NSFW on that, what with the naked chicks on the side and all. Didn't see those until I expanded the screen.

 

[Mayfly]

We just substitute the curse word with a name that begins with the same letter.

"****" is now "Fred"

"****ing asshold" is "Fred and Andy."

Excuse me, I had Wendy's chili and now I got to go take a monster steve.

Godspeed. Godspeed.

 

[Write-brained]

We just substitute the curse word with a name that begins with the same letter.

"****" is now "Fred"

"****ing asshold" is "Fred and Andy."

Excuse me, I had Wendy's chili and now I got to go take a monster steve.

OK. That was funny. .

Still don't think I'd have the self control for that.

 

[Diabeetus]

[Mr. Mackey:] There are times when you get suckered in
By drugs and alchohol and sex with women-mmkay
But its when you do these things too much
That you've become an addict and must get back in touch
You can do it Its all up to you-mmmmmkay
With a little plan you can change your life tooo-day
You dont have to spend your life addicted to smack
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack
Follow my plan and very soon you will see-eeyy, its easy mmkay

Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole"

Step 2: Instead of **** say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold"

Step 3: With ***** drop the t because bich is latin for generosity

Step 4: Dont say **** any more because **** is the worst word that you can say

So just use the word mmmkay!

[Children:] We can do it its all up to us-mmmkay (mmmkay)
With a little plan we can change our lives tooo-day
Mr, Mackey: you can change it today
Everyone: We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash
Follow this plan and very soon you will see-eey
Its easy mmkay!

[Mr. Mackey:] Step 1 Children: Instead of ass say buns,
like kiss my buns or you're a buns hole

[Mr. Mackey:] Step 2 Children: Instead of **** say poo,
as in bull poo, poo head and this poo is cold

[Mr. Mackey:] Step 3 Children: With ***** drop the t
because bich is latin for generosity

[Mr. Mackey:] Step 4 Children: Dont say **** any more

[Everyone:] Cuz **** is the worst word that you can say
[Children:] **** is the worst word that you can say
We shouldn't say ****, no we shouldn't say ****, **** nooooo!!!
[Mr. Mackey:] Your cured, you can go!
[Everyone:] We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash
homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash
Follow this plan and very soon you will saaay
Its easy mmmkay!
[Children:] It's easy mmmkay!
[Mr. Mackey:] It's easy mmmkay!
[Children:] It's easy mmmkay!
[Mr. Mackey:] It's easy mmmkaaaaaaaayy
[Children:] It's easy mmm
It's easy mmm
It's easy mmm
It's easy mmmkaaaay
[both finish at same time]
[laughing]
[Mr. Mackey:] Mmmkay
Mmmkay
Mmmkay


I would post the video, but the bastards won't let it be uploaded on the interwebs.

 

[John]

There's your answer: Mmmkay.

Mmmkay?

 

[KYSportsWriter]

http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/

Bless you, sir. May you achieve total consciousness on your deathbed.

Edit: Holy ****, man. Put a NSFW on that, what with the naked chicks on the side and all. Didn't see those until I expanded the screen.

Um, wow. Just now noticed that ****.

 

[EStreetJoe]

Go with Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica and say "Frack"
or just say "fudge" instead of "****"

 

[mike311gd]

Revert to old-style words of displeasure like "dagnabbit" and "criminetly" and "jeepers creepers." Not only are they inoffensive, but they're fun to say, too.

Or you could just go to the basic "balls," "poop," "pubes" and "fart."

And if you're real ambitious, you could let out a hardy "son of a bingo player." After a couple rounds of that, your co-worker will be begging you to bring back the obscenities.