I have told my 9/11 story multiple times on here. It's so hard to believe it was 21 years ago because it is so indelibly etched in my head and changed so many things about my life. At the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago because my life has changed so much since then for reasons that had nothing to do with 9/11. I would have never thought this back in the 2000s, but each year it does feel a little more distant to me.
My apartment -- which I still own, even though I am not there as much -- had a clear, unobstructed view of the towers (now it has a great view of the Freedom Tower) from the roof deck. I was still in bed when the first plane hit, which is wild to me today, because I am up between 3:30 and 4:30 almost every day and couldn't sleep that late now if I tried. But I had been out late for work the night before and was dragging my ass that morning.
The radio was on -- it was Howard Stern -- and I heard them start talking about a plane hitting one of the towers, and I went up to my roof almost immediately to see the building smoking. I was soon joined by several of my neighbors, one of whom brought a camcorder up with him and caught everything that happened in the next half hour or so. At first, we thought it was an accident, terrorism wasn't part of the conversation, I don't think. But 10 minutes later, we saw the second plane flying in very low from the South, over the Battery, in what felt like slow motion. My most vivid memory of the day is one of my neighbors (who still lives in the building, he's probably in his 70s now), saying, "Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no" over and over again, as we watched the plane crash into the South Tower. It happened in slow motion.
From there, it is kind of a blur. We just stood there and watched the first tower collapse, and it was devastating to watch. Within 20 minutes the blanket of white soot that was blowing in our direction brought so much debris and unbreathable air to my neighborhood that you couldn't be outside, so I had to head back inside. I remember trying to call my dad to tell him what was going on and tell him I was OK (although I didn't work in the Towers or anything like that), but you couldn't make a call for hours.
In the days afterward, there were several memorable vigils in my neighborhood, because of where it was located, and I have never felt so part of a community in NYC as I did then. I was depressed for several months afterward, it felt like everything had changed, and yet, I have never felt that connected to people in my life, and I say that as someone who doesn't look for connections the way many others do. Within a few weeks, I was volunteering down at the site 2 days a week. Tying it today, it was my introduction to the N95 mask . I had a stack of them, a hard hat, a face shield and a desire to do something, but honestly there really wasn't that much for me to do. There were so many people who wanted to volunteer, but no practical need for them, and people were being told thanks, but no thanks. I somehow found my way in via the Red Cross and I would show up and do whatever there was a need for, usually serving up meals. To people who never got into the actual site, the carnage and pile of mangled steel was unbelievable. What always bothered me a little was that I got the sense that for a lot of people, it almost wasn't real, like it was a CGI effect they watched on a TV screen. I know that's not fair of me, but I remember when they opened a storefront version of a 9/11 museum nearby, I wandered in one day and was pissed off by seeing tourists buying 9/11 trinkets.
After it was all cleaned up (it took a long time), the site was basically a fenced off hole in the ground, and I couldn't bring myself to go there for the longest time. There used to be a shopping area under the towers -- sort of like an underground mall -- and when they built something new to replicate it, I wanted no part of it. But there is a major subway hub there where a lot of lines meet and slowly I got past it and now, like I said, each year it does feel a little more distant to me.