Broken Toes and Bridesmaids, SJ Ladies Edition

[farmerjerome]

Hi, my name is FarmerJ and I'm about to be a bridesmaid, probably twice in the same year. [collective sigh]

I've never been a bridesmaid before, so I have no idea what to do. I'm actually the matron of honor in one wedding, and just a bridesmaid in another. In the former, the bride was the MOH in my weddining (no hard feelings, her sister is the MOH, and was as bridesmaid in my wedding).

What am I responsible for?

Oh BTW, the broken toe comes into play due to the fact that at exactly four hours into my current vacation, I cracked my toe into my coffee table. I had already got all the cleaning done I needed to do (except for laundry) done. I was planning on working out the whole week and snowshoeing on Friday, but that's all out the window.

Any help is appreciated. I just polished off three bottles of champagne so if this thread dies because it's girly I'm okay with it. Hell, any advice on the broken toe is appreciated.

 

[Turtle Wexler]

Keep drinking the champagne. It'll help the toe. Not sure about tomorrow, though.

As for the weddings, convince your friends to elope. If that's not an option, start saving in a high-yield account. Seriously. All the stuff you're on the hook for is expensive. Times two.

 

[imjustagirl]

I've been a bridesmaid, but never a maid of honor. And my friends aren't exactly ritzy. So I was on the hook for, I think, a $100 dress or so each time. The end.

So I'm really not any help. But I hope your dress is HIDEOUS, just to continue the tradition.

 

[HC]

Never been a member of any wedding party, and I have 10 siblings. One of the few advantages of my profession. Is it too late for you to learn to sing?

 

[21]

I was just thinking I missed having that SJ Ladies thread, maybe we can just let this one roll.

Best plan for a bridesmaid is to assess the rest of the entourage, and figure out which other bridesmaids is going to insist on hot pink satin shoes and a bachelorette party in Atlantic City. Turn everyone against her, even the bride if necessary. Even if she IS the bride. She must be neutralized.

See if you can convince the bride to look for dresses at a department store, not a bridal store. Much better chance of ending up with a real dress you can wear again.

Hope with all your heart she is not a 'this is my special day (stomping feet)!!' kind of bride. Then you're just screwed.

As for the toe, tape them all together, elevate, advil, tequila, and flip flops.

 

[KJIM]

If you have a dress made, don't diet.

Somehow, leading up to my sister's wedding, either the dressmaker screwed up or I lost weight. Either way, the night before the wedding I tried on that ugly thing and it fell OFF my body. Not just down. Off.

Had to hold it up with fishing line.

Hope they elope but mostly just try to keep the bride sane and have her remember the wedding's a day and the marriage is what counts.

 

[slappy4428]

Watch many episodes of Bridezillas -- and drink a lot..

 

[YankeeFan]

Never been a member of any wedding party, and I have 10 siblings. One of the few advantages of my profession. Is it too late for you to learn to sing?

Wait, you have 10 siblings?

I have five brothers, and in most company, that's considered a lot.

Dad's one of eight and his uncle & aunt had 12 kids, but large families are so rare today.

 

[Sxysprtswrtr]

FarmerJ ...

21 is spot on. Hope the bride isn't a "me first" type where she forces you to purchase the most expensive and uncomfortable shoes and is just unreasonable to any compromise.

One thing I've learned after being in 6 weddings -- make sure you find a good but CHEAP alterations place. Alterations is one of the hidden costs, you're not expecting to spend $100, but it can happen. I was lucky to find a former tailor who did alterations out of her home and she saved me hundreds of dollars. Really.

As for the matron of honor -- it's best to meet with the bride and the two mothers. Usually the maid/matron is responsible for setting up at least one shower (more in my case) and the bachelorette night/weekend. The mothers are key to this -- they usually have an idea on the shower(s) and want to be involved somehow.

 

[Matt1735]

Have you contacted Chef about the broken toe?

 

[Dyno]

I've been very lucky. Both weddings I've been in have been pretty lowkey, with non-Bridezilla brides. For the one I was the MOH in, I threw a surprise shower. The bride's mom, who I've known all my life, was unexpectedly difficult. She sent out her own invites after refusing to give me her list of names, brought food and made favors without telling me. And even though it was 15 years ago, I'm also pretty sure she ruined the surprise by telling the bride about the shower, even though no one will admit that to me. I didn't even go to the shower for the other bride, because it was far away and I was clueless and didn't know that I should have.

Neither friend wanted a bachelorette party, so I didn't have to deal with that.

For the wedding I was a bridesmaid in, my friend made us rent hideous dresses. I lived far from the wedding, so I had to send my measurements to the rental place and their seamstress fitted me the day before the wedding. The rental was pretty expensive (and gross, if you ask me), but at least I wasn't stuck with a hideous dress that would have been expensive to buy and expensive to tailor. For the wedding I was the MOH, my friend insisted that the two of us in her party get regular dresses from a store. I never wore mine again, but I know I could have.

I pretty much hate weddings, so I'm thankful I haven't been asked to be in more of them. I was the shoo-in to be the MOH when a friend got engaged last year, but they eloped instead (yay!).

 

[cranberry]

Don't get all caught up in what the bride wants and totally forget your obligation as the unofficial hostess for the groomsmen.

 

[farmerjerome]

Have you contacted Chef about the broken toe?

No, I want to keep it.

I'm kind of wondering what I have to pay for. I'm figuring I'm in for dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and my fair share of the bachelorette party --- plus gifts for the shower and wedding. Expensive gifts. Bachelorette party will probably be a wine tour.

Since her sister is the maid of honor, and I'm the matron, I think she'll be helping out more with the shower planning. We're in a small town, so I don't think she'll have more than one shower. I'm thinking of getting her a gift just for her for her shower; a spa day, a gift certificate for a mani/pedi, a gift bag of stuff she might forget for her honeymoon (sunscreen, shampoo, lotion, contact stuff). I'll get her crap for the house for the wedding.

Do I chip in for the shower? I know she didn't chip in for mine -- my parents paid -- but I'm planning on offering.

I know she won't be a bridezilla. She says she'll make sure to accomodate my one request -- that the dress won't make my arms look fat.

 

[Wenders]

The first time I was a bridesmaid, it was a quickie wedding so the bride wouldn't show too much. And the bride organized the entire wedding for her project her senior year of high school. We didn't even have a bachelorette party, because we lived in a dinky town in Kansas where there was nothing to do on a normal night. And we were all 18. And two of the bridesmaids got kicked out of the wedding for insubordination of the bride.

(damn do I not miss high school.)

The second one was much more conventional. Buy a dress, alter it, buy shoes that are comfortable, pay for hair. We did our own makeup. Buy a gift. I didn't have to do anything for a shower because I was the only bridesmaid who had moved away and when you're a basketball writer, trying to get away from work in March is next to impossible. (And they all understood that. Because my friends rock.) I think it basically just depends on what kind of shower the bride wants. But that's the area I have practically no expertise in (although I did find a picture of me in a toilet paper dress at my cousin's shower from about 10 years ago. That was fun.)

A bachelorette party also doesn't have to be a big blowout affair. (My second one wasn't...mostly because two of the bridesmaids were sticks in the mud and didn't want to buy super cheap tickets to see the Chippendales, which were performing the night before the wedding in town. Seriously, the rest of us almost went without them, because was there ever a more perfect bachelorette activity than going to see the Chippendales? I think not.) So we ended up going to a liquor store, buying a bunch of wine and polishing off approximately a bottle apiece, playing Apples to Apples and then watching movies while doing some facial spa-type things. It was a nice relaxing night-before-the-wedding ordeal.

If I have a wedding that goes half as smooth as the second one I was in (outdoor wedding, picture perfect weather, which for June in Kansas is asking a LOT, no warring family members who got drunk and said embarrassing things, no one got arrested at any of the wedding-related functions and they're still married two years later) I will be eternally grateful.

 

[lisa_simpson]

Have you contacted Chef about the broken toe?

No, I want to keep it.

I'm kind of wondering what I have to pay for. I'm figuring I'm in for dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and my fair share of the bachelorette party --- plus gifts for the shower and wedding. Expensive gifts. Bachelorette party will probably be a wine tour.

Since her sister is the maid of honor, and I'm the matron, I think she'll be helping out more with the shower planning. We're in a small town, so I don't think she'll have more than one shower. I'm thinking of getting her a gift just for her for her shower; a spa day, a gift certificate for a mani/pedi, a gift bag of stuff she might forget for her honeymoon (sunscreen, shampoo, lotion, contact stuff). I'll get her crap for the house for the wedding.

You may get jewelry to go with the dress from the bride as a gift. That's what my cousin did (my aunt actually paid for the dress, thankfully) ; the jewelry and the shoes are the only two parts of the outfit that I still wear. I still don't understand why the bride made us wear taupe, when four of the five of us are pasty-ass white girls.

 

[Wenders]

Yes, two of the three weddings that I've had a significant role in, the bride gave me jewelry at the rehearsal dinner.

 

[farmerjerome]

That's a great idea. I'll discuss it with the MOH. I picked up a planner yesterday and some DIY books for favors and stuff. And a bridesmaid book because I'm that lame. ;D

 

[lisa_simpson]

As for the wedding in which you are just a regular bridesmaid, really, all you should be expected to do is show up when and where you're asked to be, and don't complain about the dress, no matter how much you may hate it. I offered multiple times to help my cousin and my aunt with stuff during the planning stages, and they never once took me up on it.

 

[Magic In The Night]

I've only been in two weddings and I was MOH for both, both two of my best friends. The wedding was a very high-expense affair so my participation as MOH was, too. I paid for the dress, wore shoes I had and she gave us bracelets and shawls to go with the dresses. But the travel was high as I had to pay for plane tix to NYC for an engagement party, the shower in the city that I threw with the groom's sister (expensive!) and the bachelorette party in the Hamptons (also expensive). And the wedding was a destination affair in wine country so tix out there, hotels, etc. They did throw in a few private wine tour days for bridal party and some other parties, dinners and activities. I just turned it into a vacation and took some days afterward for spa treatments and wine tastings with my sister in Napa Valley, Sonoma and Calistoga. The other wedding was in Buffalo and she just told us to wear what we wanted. Very casual. Again, mostly it was the airline tix and hotel that cost and I turned it into a vacation by meeting them the next day at Niagara Falls.

 

[novelist_wannabe]

I have nothing to add here because I'm a big dumb male. That said, I'll be watching this thread because my 16-year-old daughter has been asked to be a bridesmaid in her cousin's wedding, and I'm resisting the urge to yell "get yo hands outta my pockets!" at family get-togethers. Keep the money-saving tips coming.