Worst Sports Lede Contest

[Precious Roy]

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

 

[friend of the friendless]

Sirs, Madames,

These tired eyes have seen many a ballgame and these mustard-covered fingers have tapped out many a gamer from press row but never have I seen anything like what transpired yesterday on the Plains of East York nor found words so inadequate in conveying an experience in the perspiring arts.

YHS, etc

 

[Huggy]

Sirs, Madames,

These tired eyes have seen many a ballgame and these mustard-covered fingers have tapped out many a gamer from press row but never have I seen anything like what transpired yesterday on the Plains of East York nor found words so inadequate in conveying an experience in the perspiring arts.

YHS, etc

Damn, I thought there was going to be a Leaside reference in there somewhere.

 

[JayFarrar]

Bubbler made my day...
Full disclosure: When I was doing quite a bit of stringing, I'd have a little contest with myself to write the worst possible lede and see if I could get it in. So I have actually submitted the lede of "staring down the double-barreled shotgun of an 0-10 season" line.
It didn't make it into print, but I was able to manage some dandies. That was also during the time when I would work names of friends into box scores.
The phone rings...
Me: Hello
Linda: Hey Jay, this is Linda I'm Bobby's mom.
Me: Oh, hello.
Linda: Picked up the paper this morning and I noticed Bobby hit a 3-pointer in the game last night and you know that Bobby is 27 and graduated from high school nine years ago.
Me: Yes ma'am. But it's funny.
Linda: Yes. Yes it is.

Here are some more entries for the bad lede contest. I'm mulling 9/11 and pedophilia for the next entry.

By Jay Farrar
Staff writer

Nathan Seligman is a lightweight.
The Holy Cross junior looks like a Holocaust survior with his gaunt frame, and sunken eyes, but instead of numbers on his arm, Seligman wears numbers on his chest as one of the best cross-country runners in the area.

 

[Football_Bat]

By Football_Bat
Staff Writer
PIXLEY — The Hooterville Pirates were hit with a Category 5 last night.

Battered by a superior offense and drowned in a sea of mistakes, the Pirates submerged under a storm surge in a 55-6 loss to the Pixley Hurricanes.

No blue tarpaulins or FEMA trailers were in sight as Pixley roared out to a 39-0 halftime lead. By the time the sky cleared and the floodwaters receded, the Pirates were left high and dry.

"We never imagined the levees would breach," said Hooterville coach Michael Brown.

 

[farmerjerome]

A little over the page and this has the potential to be one of the greatest threads ever.

Good work Jay.