What, no G.I. Joe thread?

[JayFarrar]

Weird buzz around G.I. Joe. The studio didn't let it loose early for critics because they said the movie was going to make a ton of money whether the critics liked it or not and the studio already knew that the critics weren't going to like it.
I don't know a soul who is planning to go watch it. Not a single person.
Most people have just laughed when I asked about it.
So what does SportsJournalists.com nation have to say?

 

[Flying Headbutt]

Not even near the top of my list. Actually, not even on the list.

 

[Madhavok]

There's some talk about it in the 'Last movie you watched' thread.

 

[dreunc1542]

There's a bunch of movies coming out this month that I want to see. This is not one of them.

 

[Ace]

The commercials look terrible.

 

[JayFarrar]

The thing I don't understand is that the movie actually has some people who can act — well a single person who can act in Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and some other people who aren't terrible yet they didn't do a screening for critics.

I suspect it will be a middling movie, better than Transformers, not as good as anything approaching decent. And it will make a huge pile of money.
I'll probably check it out when it hits the dollar urine theater here in my town, but no way am I going to pay nine or 10 bucks to see it now.

 

[Football_Bat]

And G.I. Joe got stuck ... and G.I. Joe got stuck ....

 

[txsportsscribe]

not interested

 

[Inky_Wretch]

I don't think that movie could look worse.

Well, OK, if they'd cast Ben Stiller as Joe and Will Ferrell to play Snake Eyes in an ironic parody of G.I. Joe.

 

[BYH]

And G.I. Joe got stuck ... and G.I. Joe got stuck ....

And then the big brown shark came...

 

[Some Guy]

I don't think that movie could look worse.

Well, OK, if they'd cast Ben Stiller as Joe and Will Ferrell to play Snake Eyes in an ironic parody of G.I. Joe.

Actually, that sounds awesome ...

 

[2muchcoffeeman]

The commercials look terrible.

Not previewed for critics. One review I did see from a fanboi site said that if he were 10 years old this would be his favorite summer movie. I consider that damning with faint praise.

 

[Some Guy]

And G.I. Joe got stuck ... and G.I. Joe got stuck ....

And then the big brown shark came...

So is this ... GI Joe is swimming in the wa-TER

 

[BYH]

And G.I. Joe got stuck ... and G.I. Joe got stuck ....

And then the big brown shark came...

So is this ... GI Joe is swimming in the wa-TER

A million dollars to the writer who can tie in this skit, and specifically, the part where someone is holding a piece of ****, into his review.

 

[Some Guy]

And G.I. Joe got stuck ... and G.I. Joe got stuck ....

And then the big brown shark came...

So is this ... GI Joe is swimming in the wa-TER

A million dollars to the writer who can tie in this skit, and specifically, the part where someone is holding a piece of ****, into his review.

I'd pitch in a couple bucks to make that happen.

Call it a million and two dollars.

 

[tool_shed32]

My 7-year-old wants to see it. I think I'll send him with his mother . . . let her sit through it.

 

[Batman]

I'm a huge Joe fan. Huge. I have over 100 issues of the Marvel comic series. The entire Devils Due run. Some leftover G.I. Joe figures from the 80s. Even bought a few of the phenomenal 25th anniversary figures recently.
And if I see this movie, it'll either be at a matinee or when it comes on cable. The trailers and the comic adaptation aren't as ****ty as I first feared. But it seems like they still took too many liberties with the source material.
Cobra Commander as a burn victim? What's wrong with the psychotic used car salesman who wears a hood or a metal faceplate? In the hands of a good actor, that part could be gold.
I like Christopher Eccleston as Destro. He gets some geek cred from Dr. Who and Heroes. Plus he's Scottish. They got that one right.
I can even excuse the metal-eating warheads that are the focus of the plot. G.I. Joe has always mixed in some sci-fi elements that were maybe 20 or 30 years ahead of their time (cloning, android troopers, etc.).
But Marlon Wayans as Ripcord? Fail.
A multinational task force instead of the best of the best of the best from the U.S. armed forces? Fail.
Accelerator suits? Fail on an epic level.
It's sad, because this movie idea, of all the revived 80s properties, might have the most potential to be updated for a modern audience. Cobra Commander is a great villain. Destro is a great villain. There's potential there, and it's wasted in the name of blowing **** up and catering to 7-year-olds.

 

[RossLT]

And G.I. Joe got stuck ... and G.I. Joe got stuck ....

And then the big brown shark came...

So is this ... GI Joe is swimming in the wa-TER

****ing solid.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

I agree with everything Batman said.

 

[outofplace]

I'm a huge Joe fan. Huge. I have over 100 issues of the Marvel comic series. The entire Devils Due run. Some leftover G.I. Joe figures from the 80s. Even bought a few of the phenomenal 25th anniversary figures recently.
And if I see this movie, it'll either be at a matinee or when it comes on cable. The trailers and the comic adaptation aren't as ****ty as I first feared. But it seems like they still took too many liberties with the source material.
Cobra Commander as a burn victim? What's wrong with the psychotic used car salesman who wears a hood or a metal faceplate? In the hands of a good actor, that part could be gold.
I like Christopher Eccleston as Destro. He gets some geek cred from Dr. Who and Heroes. Plus he's Scottish. They got that one right.
I can even excuse the metal-eating warheads that are the focus of the plot. G.I. Joe has always mixed in some sci-fi elements that were maybe 20 or 30 years ahead of their time (cloning, android troopers, etc.).
But Marlon Wayans as Ripcord? Fail.
A multinational task force instead of the best of the best of the best from the U.S. armed forces? Fail.
Accelerator suits? Fail on an epic level.
It's sad, because this movie idea, of all the revived 80s properties, might have the most potential to be updated for a modern audience. Cobra Commander is a great villain. Destro is a great villain. There's potential there, and it's wasted in the name of blowing **** up and catering to 7-year-olds.

The accelerator suits are what killed it for me. I had gotten over my disgust at the casting of Marlon Wayans as anything. I could even handle the international task force thing. But the accelerator suits are just plain stupid.

If they had chosen to make a movie for adults, G.I. Joe had tremendous potential. It sounds like this was a wasted opportunity.

I have mentioned this before and I will suggest it again. If you are a fan of G.I. Joe comics or the old cartoon, skip the live-action movie and watch this instead.



It is a direct to Cartoon Network animated movie called G.I. Joe: Resolute. First aired in April and you can still watch it in pieces on YouTube. More blood in the first two minutes than the entire run of the old cartoon and a fantastic fight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Written by Warren Ellis. It's what I wish the live-action movie had aspired to be.