This just arrived in the mail ...

[Sic semper tyrannis]

Rick Reilly's latest

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=5288738

I think he has a few posts on the Orange slice / anti-soccer thread

 

[mb]

Wow. He's really not even trying anymore, is he?

 

[CR19]

I have a book of Reilly's old stuff, and he used to be pretty good. I can't believe how far he has fallen as a sports writer.

 

[DanOregon]

He gave up The Mag column for that?

We could have a Rick Reilly parody writing contest, people could enter their best efforts, maybe throw in a few actual Reilly offerings and I doubt people couldn't tell the difference.

 

[EagleMorph]

He just recycled every soccer bit he's ever done, and borrowed comments on the vuvuzelas to make it "relevant". Not a single piece about the actual 2010 World Cup.

Weak.

 

[DanOregon]

Ricardo Reilletti of Sporta Italia:
(translated to English)
What's up with this Super Bowl? I don't see what's so super about it.
It's called football, but nobody cares about the kicker.
You've got a bunch of fat guys that can't run for more than 10 seconds without stopping.
And what's with all the pads? I haven't seen that much padding since I got to second base with Violeta Muzzi in the seventh grade!
And then there is the halftime show. What kind of crypt did they raid to get these acts? Prince? The Stones? Springsteen? The Who? I guess the Grateful Dead can be grateful for being dead - though I doubt that would stop the NFL from trotting their rotting bones out for three songs.

 

[CR19]

Ricardo Reilletti of Sporta Italia:
(translated to English)
What's up with this Super Bowl? I don't see what's so super about it.
It's called football, but nobody cares about the kicker.
You've got a bunch of fat guys that can't run for more than 10 seconds without stopping.
And what's with all the pads? I haven't seen that much padding since I got to second base with Violeta Muzzi in the seventh grade!
And then there is the halftime show. What kind of crypt did they raid to get these acts? Prince? The Stones? Springsteen? The Who? I guess the Grateful Dead can be grateful for being dead - though I doubt that would stop the NFL from trotting their rotting bones out for three songs.

At least our version of the Super Bowl doesn't involve the vuvuzela. Reilly (I mean Reilleti) couldn't complain about the horns in our version of football. I guess that shows Reilly had one original thought in his column, a thought that was divided into several reasons.

 

[PCLoadLetter]

Jesus, Reilly is just terrible now.

 

[smsu_scribe]

Good god. At what point do the ESPN big wigs reject this garbage and send him back to the drawing board?

 

[playthrough]

He just recycled every soccer bit he's ever done, and borrowed comments on the vuvuzelas to make it "relevant". Not a single piece about the actual 2010 World Cup.

Weak.

Without the vuvuzelas, a whole lot of World Cup-disinterested-but-have-to-write-World Cup sportswriters would be completely lost.

 

[spikechiquet]

All I hear while I read that piece of garbage is an old man's walker wheels squeeking.

 

[TheHacker]

Wow. Is it possible someone told him to write a World Cup column and this is his way of saying FU? Surely we all know one of those guys -- there's one in every newsroom -- who half-asses the stuff he hates so that it's just bad enough for him never to get assigned to it again. Hate those guys.

 

[Harry Doyle]

I have personal gripes with Reilly, but for the most part he still turns a tight phrase and makes me laugh.

I loved this, on gloves:

"You couldn't stop a beach ball with those big goofy things. What, is Hamburger Helper a sponsor? Why must they be so huge? Doesn't Roger Rabbit need them back? And where do the batteries go? How are goalkeepers expected to hang on to the ball with them on? And is it difficult to play goalie while also taking things out of the oven?"

Classic Reilly? Nah, but classic all the same.

 

[fossywriter8]

7. The ties. In the NFL in the past 10 years, there have been two ties. As of Tuesday morning, in the first 11 games of this World Cup, there have been five ties. You will not see more ties at a J.C. Penney's Father's Day sale. I hate ties. Doesn't anybody want to win in this sport? All these ties are about as exciting as a Jonas Brothers roundtable on sex.

I think this section sums up most Americans' feelings for soccer.
I know hockey has ties during the regular season, but ... it's the regular season and it figures into who makes the playoffs. What other sport allows ties in its most important tournament?
In the immortal words of Herm Edwards, "You play to win the game."

 

[DanOregon]

In the World Cup, "You play to get out of the Group."

I guess what bothers me about columns like this is that it required Reilly to dumb himself down and act like he was more ignorant than he is. It just rings false. I don't believe Reilly really thinks any of the things he wrote in it.

 

[Pete Incaviglia]

Wow. Is it possible someone told him to write a World Cup column and this is his way of saying FU? Surely we all know one of those guys -- there's one in every newsroom -- who half-asses the stuff he hates so that it's just bad enough for him never to get assigned to it again. Hate those guys.

We have a guy who is the opposite of that. When it's something he hates, he overwrites the living hell out of it. Trying to make it something it clearly is not. That's worse. Because he files 800 words instead of 400. Uses dollar words when 10 cents will do. Turns reporting into prose. It drives me nuts.

 

[Pete Incaviglia]

Oh, and I forgot to mention, this made me laugh for some reason:

Yes, I know that centuries ago, the vuvuzelas were made from animal horns to call the village elders in for a meeting. And I'll bet you five wildebeests that when the elders finally got to the meeting they said, "Would you STOP already with the blowing? You're making me crazy!"

Other than that, awful stuff.

 

[HanSenSE]

Wow. He's really not even trying anymore, is he?

That's the problem with the "I hate World Cup" column. There's one written in every city and they all read the same. Just because there's a Reilly stamp doesn't make it better.

 

[crusoes]

He just recycled every soccer bit he's ever done, and borrowed comments on the vuvuzelas to make it "relevant". Not a single piece about the actual 2010 World Cup.

Weak.

Without the vuvuzelas, a whole lot of World Cup-disinterested-but-have-to-write-World Cup sportswriters would be completely lost.

They'd have to write about the soccer, especially this Spain-Switzerland game where all the Spain team does is play catch. It makes the four-corners offense look positively energized.

Wait! A Spanish guy shoots... misses the net entirely but nails a camera lying on the ground behind the goal. So there is excitement.

 

[JR]

7. The ties. In the NFL in the past 10 years, there have been two ties. As of Tuesday morning, in the first 11 games of this World Cup, there have been five ties. You will not see more ties at a J.C. Penney's Father's Day sale. I hate ties. Doesn't anybody want to win in this sport? All these ties are about as exciting as a Jonas Brothers roundtable on sex.

I think this section sums up most Americans' feelings for soccer.
I know hockey has ties during the regular season, but ... it's the regular season and it figures into who makes the playoffs. What other sport allows ties in its most important tournament?
In the immortal words of Herm Edwards, "You play to win the game."

Hockey hasn't had tied games since the NHL instituted the shootout in '05-06.

And I used to be a big fan of Reilly's.