The C Word

[KG]

My family could really use some prayers right now.

Last Thursday, my mother went in for her annual mammogram. The doctor found an abnormally shaped tumor and scheduled her for a biopsy today. Normally, it takes a few months to get a biopsy scheduled, but he's so sure this is cancer that he managed to get her an appointment in four days.

She could find out the results as early as tonight or some time on Tuesday. Her appointment to find out the results isn't until Wednesday, but since she works for the same hospital, she can go down and have them pull her records ahead of time.

She's certain it's cancer. She had a scare last year, and was unsure and worried, but it came out fine. This time, she's certain, yet doesn't seem to be too worried. She says she feels like she knows it is and will deal with it as it goes. She's mentally prepared for it to be positive and prepared for the lumpectomy and whatever may follow from there.

I, on the other hand, am a complete wreck about it. I kept my promise to one person to not worry about it until Monday, but it's Monday now, so I'm allowing myself some panic time. I feel like the walls are closing in and I'm running out of air. I know what I'm feeling, yet I don't know what I'm feeling. I've had a thousand things running through my mind and I can't hush the thoughts.

I know many of my thoughts are very over the top and thinking the worst for not even having test results yet, but maybe I'm trying to set myself up for believing it's cancer the way she is. I just wish I could be as calm and OK with it as she is. I'm trying really hard not to think about it at all, but it's racing through my mind at warp speed.

Please pray for my family that we may all be able to deal with the findings of this test and what may come as a result.

 

[Colton]

Re: Prayers Needed

KG: I'm about to hit my knees and I will certainly say a few words for you and yours.

I don't believe your thoughts are over the top whatsoever. It's your family... you have every right to feel the way you do.

Blessings to you.

 

[pseudo]

Re: Prayers Needed

You got 'em, KG. And if I were in your shoes right now, I'd probably be catatonic.

Stay strong.

 

[slappy4428]

Re: Prayers Needed

Hang in there, darlin...

 

[Dirk Legume]

Re: Prayers Needed

KG, we are in the same boat.

Two weeks ago, during my wife's mammogram, they found "something". The biopsy is Thursday and we wont know the results until the following Monday. She has been handling it pretty well but I, on the other hand, am a wreck.

So if you need a "waiting on info" buddy, just send a PM. I got your back.

All the best to you and your family.

 

[Simon_Cowbell]

Re: Prayers Needed

My fingers are crossed for you and your mom.

 

[KG]

Re: Prayers Needed

I feel totally sick to my stomach. She's having the biopsy done right now. I just talked to her on the phone, right as she was walking into the office. As calm and laid back as she's been about it since Thursday, I did detect a sense of fear in her voice, something I'm sure she would never admit to.

I feel bad for making this thread somewhat about me, but I won't admit my fears to her either. My fears of course, go to the furthest extreme. I know she is well aware of the fact that this could ultimately kill her, but I also know she's OK with that. Because of her diabetes, she's never expected to live to a really old age anyway, but I don't see it that way. Her (whatever that test you get every few months that tells on you for how well you've managed your sugar levels) has been great since she got the pump. Her kidneys also look great. That was something she was really surprised to hear.

She was diagnosed with diabetes when she was 21 and pregnant with my sister. She was told, forbid from having any more children, but she refused to listen to the doctor and had me. Well from the time she became pregnant with me and on, her diabetes got really bad. And before anyone asks, no, I don't blame myself for that.

So anyway, she's gotten the diabetes under much better control over the last few years. Having the pump has played a major role in that department. It seemed like that was going to extend her time even more, but now this? It's like mother nature has some kind of sick joke.

I don't blame God. I'm not mad at God. God has nothing to do with this. I do hope that He doesn't plan on calling on her to come home anytime soon though.

I know we all have to die some day. I know parents are supposed to go before children. I know that she is spiritually prepared for it and looks forward to the day when she arrives in Heaven. There's no doubt in my mind that if she died tomorrow that's where she'd be. Maybe that's why the threat of cancer doesn't seem to bother her that much, but it really bothers me.

Here's another selfish reason I have. I've been married for almost 12 years now (got married REALLY young), but I don't have any children yet. We've put it off for one reason or another along the way, but are closer than ever to throwing our excuses not to out the window and taking the plunge. The thought of not having my mom meet my children here on earth is terrifying to me. I feel like maybe I have made a huge mistake by waiting so long to have children. I want nothing more than to have my mom around when I have children. I think part of me has even waited to have them, because I really would like to live closer to home, so I could just hop in the car with the kids to go see Mom at the drop of a hat.

I live two tanks of gas away from her, so that's not possible.

Still, I feel like I should have done it by now. I need her. That's exactly it. I need her. I might be 30 years old, but I need my mother.

 

[RossLT]

Re: Prayers Needed

I will hold a good thought for you KG.

As much as my mom and I argue and get on each others nerves, when she was in the hospital for three days with what the doctors thought was pancreatic cancer, I cried the whole time. I couldn't sleep, eat, work or do anything except lay on my bed and cry. I don't know what I would do without my mom.

I hope all turns out for the best.

 

[wicked]

Re: Prayers Needed

KG, it is about you, too -- your fears, your pain, your concern.

As much as you want to maintain a brave face for her, do not bottle it all up. That's what really messes with your head.

I'll say a prayer for you and pass along some good thoughts.

 

[kingcreole]

Re: Prayers Needed

Hang in there KG. Definitely will be in my thoughts.

 

[outofplace]

Re: Prayers Needed

KG, I'll keep a good thought for you and for her.

Don't feel bad about making this about you for a second. This is scary and it is hard. It is important to be there for your mother, to be whatever she needs you to be. That isn't always easy. Just do the best that you can and make sure she knows you love her and you're there for her. There are many people here who understand what you are going through and I know many of us are willing to help.

 

[Lugnuts]

Re: Prayers Needed


I'm so sorry, KG. I know A LOT of breast cancer survivors. It isn't always easy, though. Be as strong as you can for your mom. Prayers headed your way.

 

[Dyno]

Re: Prayers Needed

Hang in there, KG. I've been in your shoes I don't know how many times. Remember to keep breathing.

 

[doctorx]

Re: Prayers Needed

Prayers sent. FWIW, one of our stringers is 15 years clear of breast cancer.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Re: Prayers Needed

Hoping and wishing you and your mom all the best, KG. Prayers on the way.

 

[tadwriter]

Re: Prayers Needed

The candles are lit and the prayers are sent.

 

[Diabeetus]

Re: Prayers Needed

KG,

My mom had breast cancer in 2001, overcame it, and is completely healthy now. I was a wreck - just a sophomore in high school - but I knew I had to be strong for the family. My younger brother and sister needed me to, and I think that my fronted confidence about it was a source of strength for my mom and the rest of the family. We had many people pulling for her, and I do think in a way their positive energy helped her out. The radiation and chemo weren't really working, so they did an experimental procedure at the time where they harvested her non-infected blood stem cells and essentially drained her body of blood. They then had a large blood transfusion and replanted the stem cells back into her. She soon recovered, and the tests have shown no signs of any cancer since.

Just know that we're here for you to vent to, and that being positive and loving around her at every moment you can is what is really needed. Put your trust in science because it's really amazing what they can do. Put your faith that what's best will happen in the end, and soak up every minute you can enjoying your love.

Take care, and if you want, pm me at any time.

-Beet

 

[Sam Mills 51]

Re: Prayers Needed

KG,

You're in my thoughts. Stay strong. And, if necessary, Keep Pounding.

 

[KG]

Re: Prayers Needed

Thanks, you guys, for all your prayers.

 

[bigpern23]

Re: Prayers Needed

I hope it can be of some consolation that my mother and aunt are both breast cancer survivors as well.

My mom completely made it out like it was nothing when she had it and, fortunately, they caught it early enough that a lumpectomy was all she needed. I got scared when she first told me, but she was so strong about it, I rarely worried after it (she also didn't tell me at all until two days before the lumpectomy, so I didn't have much time to worry about it before it was over).

My aunt had to do chemo and lost her hair just before my cousin's wedding. Fortunately, she got a great wig and you legitimately couldn't tell. I actually think that was the worst thing to her - losing her hair before her daughter's wedding. She made it through great, though, and hasn't had any problems since (knock on wood).

May you one day be telling someone else your mother's survival story.