The Best First Sentence of a Story I've read this year

[heyabbott]

The cell phones in the pockets of the dead students were still ringing when we were told that it was wrong to ask why.

The rest of the story only gets better.
http://www.newyorker.com/talk/comment/2007/04/30/070430taco_talk_gopnik

 

[MonitorLizard]

That's a haunting image, the cell phones ringing as they carried the bodies out. Heart-rending. What an intense thing to lead with.

 

[Frank_Ridgeway]

Willie Nile has a great song on the 2006 Streets of New York CD called "Cell Phones Ringing (In The Pockets of The Dead)." When I heard it, I thought it was about 9/11, but I heard him interviewed and he said it's about the 2004 train bombing in Madrid.


http://www.willienile.com/song_streets_cellphones.html

 

[blueview]

Simply a chilling statement. It immediately draws you in.

 

[Frank_Ridgeway]

Willie Nile has a great song on the 2006 Streets of New York CD called "Cell Phones Ringing (In The Pockets of The Dead)." When I heard it, I thought it was about 9/11, but I heard him interviewed and he said it's about the 2004 train bombing in Madrid.


http://www.willienile.com/song_streets_cellphones.html

Nile said there was a headline in a newspaper that said "Cellphones Ringing in the Pockets of the Dead" and that's where the title came from. So this has been done before.

http://www.puremusic.com/63willie4.html

 

[CapeCodder]

Yikes. That really is a great lede.

 

[forever_town]

That is a great, haunting lede.

Until I read that, I was convinced the best lede I'd seen was, "Your cat kicked the bucket yesterday. The economy is souring, your baby’s daddy skipped town and no matter how often you listen to “SexyBack,” Justin Timberlake is never going to date you."

While that lede was funny, the bit about the cell phones ringing trumps it.

 

[OrangeGrad]

Why can't I write like that? Wow.

 

[zagoshe]

It is a great lede and a well written paragraph. And it did draw me in because I figured it was going to be a well reported and written account of what occurred that day.

Unfortunately the story quickly falls apart and turns into another bed-wetting, knee-jerk dissertation about how evil guns are and frankly, there is nothing original or interesting about that subject.

In fact, it bores the hell out of me.

The fact that it started so strong and turned into that crap so quickly reminds me of a lot of the major league career of Kevin Maas -- I think he hit like 20 home runs in his 80 games in the bigs and finished his career with like a total of 35 as he went from phenom (and heir apparent to Don Mattingly) to journeyman to out of the league in a few seasons......

 

[blondebomber]

Why can't I write like that? Wow.

You can. Just find a line you like somewhere else and steal it like this guy did.

 

[Ace]

I diagree. When I read the sentence I didn't know what the writer meant.

Ask why what?

It took several sentences to figure out "why" was why the shooting happened.

But that doesn't have anything to do with the cell phones ringing and no one was stopping folks from asking why. You may get a dirty look or no answer, but you could still ask.

So it didn't work for me.

 

[Big Chee]

It is a great lede and a well written paragraph. And it did draw me in because I figured it was going to be a well reported and written account of what occurred that day.

Unfortunately the story quickly falls apart and turns into another bed-wetting, knee-jerk dissertation about how evil guns are and frankly, there is nothing original or interesting about that subject.

In fact, it bores the hell out of me.

The fact that it started so strong and turned into that crap so quickly reminds me of a lot of the major league career of Kevin Maas -- I think he hit like 20 home runs in his 80 games in the bigs and finished his career with like a total of 35 as he went from phenom (and heir apparent to Don Mattingly) to journeyman to out of the league in a few seasons......

Anyone that could compare that piece to the strictly pull hitting Kevin Mass who came in with a bang and quickly died off deserves an applause.

 

[blondebomber]

So can we agree that this first sentence clearly is not the best first sentence

I diagree. When I read the sentence I didn't know what the writer meant.

Ask why what?

It took several sentences to figure out "why" was why the shooting happened.

But that doesn't have anything to do with the cell phones ringing and no one was stopping folks from asking why. You may get a dirty look or no answer, but you could still ask.

So it didn't work for me.

It was wrong to ask why the cell phones were ringing?

It was wrong to ask why the cell phones were in their pockets?

The sentence was terribly written and the line was stolen. Other than that, it was a great lead.

 

[Montezuma's Revenge]

Good idea for the first sentence, lousy execution. Clumsily worded, confusing, and clunked up with passive voice.

 

[Ace]

So can we agree that this first sentence clearly is not the best first sentence

I diagree. When I read the sentence I didn't know what the writer meant.

Ask why what?

It took several sentences to figure out "why" was why the shooting happened.

But that doesn't have anything to do with the cell phones ringing and no one was stopping folks from asking why. You may get a dirty look or no answer, but you could still ask.

So it didn't work for me.

It was wrong to ask why the cell phones were ringing?

It was wrong to ask why the cell phones were in their pockets?

The sentence was terribly written and the line was stolen. Other than that, it was a great lead.

so bomber and I agree on something?

 

[jakewriter82]

The cell phones in the pockets of the dead students were still ringing when we were told that it was wrong to ask why.

The rest of the story only gets better.
http://www.newyorker.com/talk/comment/2007/04/30/070430taco_talk_gopnik

Would've worked better if right after that it said, ...And you will know us by why the trail of cellphones are ringing in the pockets of the dead.