The absolute worst small talk EVER

[Petrie]

Shampoo is better! I clean the ass!

Conditioner is better! I leave it silky and smooth!

Oh really, fool?

Really!

 

[Bishop Don Magic Juan]

Today I was in line at the pharmacy, and the chick in front of me was buying Monistat.

I was at the pharmacy in Wal-Mart once and went to go pick up my prescription and I give them my name and the pharmacist literally yelled out for everyone in the store to hear was, "That's the girl picking up her birth control!"

Yes. Thanks for letting everyone in the BUILDING KNOW THAT I AM ON BIRTH CONTROL!

This reminds me of something...UNLEASH THE MAGIC JUAN INSIDE OF YOU: LESSON #1.

Now, fellow pimps. When you roll up in a C-store and you spot a fly hunny, check these steps...

1. The minute you see her, flash her that pimp smile.
2. Go about your shoppin', because she's gonna know what's good.
3. Pick up what you need, but also a box of Magnum XLs. Scuff the bars of the box. This step is important, but if you can't wear Magnum XLs, step ya game up, son.
4. Roll back to that hunny and spit ya game.
5. Split wit' her and get up to the register and slow ya roll.
6. Let the trick at the front scan ya goods (especially if she's fly, yessur).
7. They'll get caught up on the Magnums and need a price check.
8. If you've done Step 1-8 correctly, you'll have a reason to use those Magnums, nam' mean?

Keep it pimpin'.