Should I be nervous or what

[Precious Roy]

So, went to the hospital this morning with the wife with pains. As some of you know, we are expecting our first born. They sent us home and told us to see our doctor and he said we will be having a baby on Wednesday.
Wednesday.
For nine months, I have been pretty much aloof. Not distant, mind you, not at all. Just not really in the middle of everything. I have been to every appointment and have been very excited throughout the process, but I just feel like I'm not as terrified, or overjoyed or anything about this.
Seriously, I think what will happen Wednesday will be the greatest day of my life, it will be my crowning achievement of life to actually bring forth something that is part me.
However, I just don't think I'm freaking out enough if that makes any sense.
I don't know, maybe I really am losing it and this post is just me snapping and Wednesday I will be a complete wreck.
I only come here with this because this place is a nice haven. There will be plenty of jerk answers, and those will be good for a laugh, but there will be heartfelt answers too and that's just as important.
I just want to know, should I be freaking out?

 

[Dick Whitman]

It is more than OK that you aren't. Throughout my wife's pregnancy, I couldn't get worked up at all about things like the baby kicking and all of those other moments that are supposed to send fathers into overdrive. We were so nonchalant that we didn't even name him (or her, as it were) until the drive to the hospital. Even the first few months of his life, I told myself that I loved him more than life itself, but looking back, it's nothing like I feel now that he's about 3. Now, I miss him every second I'm not there, and every second I'm there is just gold. I wish I could freeze time and preserve every single second.

Don't worry that you aren't freaking out. There's a reason: You can't have any idea what you're in for. You're good. I promise.

 

[Rhody31]

Precious - depends on your definition.
For me I was just a bundle of nerves. My wife did a C-section and the time dragged until I finally saw my daughter for the first time. When you see her, it's going to be the best feeling you've ever had.
Tips:
1) Cut the cord. It's kinda gross, but not that big of a deal.
2) Bring a camera.
3) If you live within a reasonable distance of the hospital, sleep at home at night and come back early in the morning.
4) Our nurse was fantastic in teaching me how to change diapers and bath the baby, but I asked a million stupid questions. The nurse told me she expects them, but was happy to see my actually wanting to do those things (note: changing the first couple of diapers sucks. The poop looks like oil).
5) Bring plenty of snacks and such, because hospital food sucks.
6) Laptop. Bring it.
7) Do all the inking you can (footprints and the such) at the hospital, because once you get home you won't do it.
8. Give the baby its first bottle. It's the coolest ******* feeling in the world, even if it totally destroys the shirt your wearing.
9) Make sure you tell any visitors who are waiting that everything is OK and the such ASAP. I got caught up in the moment and didn't realize I forgot to do that until about 45 minutes after the fact. Mother in law was pissed. She yelled at me for a minute, then hugged me as she cried.

That's all I can think of right now.
Being a dad is the best thing ever and you should enjoy every minute of that day.

 

[CentralIllinoisan]

I was the same with our first born and this time. Your wife will let you know if and when she needs your help; when she does, be there. That's all you can do.

As for that aloof feeling? It's natural. Now, when the baby comes, get ready, because you will experience a flood of emotion unlike anything you have ever felt. It's like a warmth comes over you as a protective switch is flipped. Mine shifted the minute I saw my son, like a wave of emotion that instantly brought me to tears.

 

[LongTimeListener]

Congrats, man. We're headed there for the fourth (!) time and I think I might be more excited than the first.

I have tried very hard not to give advice to people in this situation, ever since our first when I felt like some of the luster went off it when people said "here's what you will feel" and then I didn't really feel that. So, my advice is: Your experience is your own, just trust it and go with it.

Also, if it's a boy, you will get peed on. Right in the face. Practice laughing about it now.

 

[dooley_womack1]

Just remember, when it's time to go to the hospital, wear comfortable shoes. You will be standing. A lot.

 

[dixiehack]

Asking if you should be nervous now is like asking if the roller coaster is safe at the top of the first hill. Nothing you can do now but enjoy the ride.

 

[bigpern23]

I'm glad you started this thread, Roy. I'm in much the same situation, only my son will be with my ex (long story).

I've been fairly stressed because of my job situation, and when I saw the first ultrasound, I lost it a little bit and was overwhelmed. But other than that, I've been so focused on straightening out my job, I haven't really been able to focus on getting excited for my son.

My ex thinks it's because I'm not excited to have him, and while nothing could be further from the truth, I have occasionally wondered if I should be feeling ... I don't know ... more. Glad I'm not the only one in this boat.

 

[Care Bear]

Check with your wife before acting on the third item on Rhody's list. I needed/wanted mucho help the first couple nights following delivery. I'm sure it sucked for my husband to sleep on the tiny couch in the recovery room, but I'm so glad he was there.

And, Precious Roy, congratulations! We're six months in, and the first few months were long and trying. But, man, it gets incredible. So utterly joyful and funny and fun.

I want six more.

 

[waterytart]

What CB and CI said: Do what helps your wife.

As far as freaking out? That probably won't help her.

 

[Precious Roy]

Thanks everyone, this has really helped. It's nice to know I'm not an emotionless, soulless jackal. I'm just ready for the two weeks away from the office to get to know this little guy, those are going to be some great days.

 

[YGBFKM]

I want six more.

Six more what?

I was silently (mostly) nervous every freaking day, but once it got close (we had an interesting false alarm a week or so previous that involved a couple hours in and a couple dozen laps around the maternity ward), there was a calm of inevitability that settled over me. From the moment we checked in all the way through delivery, the doctors and nurses kept commenting on how calm I was. At one point, when they came in to administer the epidural, the nurse said, "I can't believe how calm you are!" I thought, "I'm not the one getting a giant needle stuck in my back." Really, though, I didn't think I had a choice. I assumed I HAD to be level-headed (I'll try anything once), and so I was.

 

[YGBFKM]

Just remember, when it's time to go to the hospital, wear comfortable shoes. You will be standing. A lot.

I did push-ups to pass the time.

 

[dooley_womack1]

I somehow believe that.

 

[Dick Whitman]

Thanks everyone, this has really helped. It's nice to know I'm not an emotionless, soulless jackal. I'm just ready for the two weeks away from the office to get to know this little guy, those are going to be some great days.

Also don't freak out if you aren't forging the kind of bond you anticipated right off the bat. Newborns don't do a whole lot an development can really drag early on. Trust me, it gets awesome soon enough.

 

[YGBFKM]

I somehow believe that.

It's true. Only got in a couple hundred before the contractions kicked in. Then I put my shoes back on.

 

[Precious Roy]

Thanks everyone, this has really helped. It's nice to know I'm not an emotionless, soulless jackal. I'm just ready for the two weeks away from the office to get to know this little guy, those are going to be some great days.

Also don't freak out if you aren't forging the kind of bond you anticipated right off the bat. Newborns don't do a whole lot an development can really drag early on. Trust me, it gets awesome soon enough.

Yeah, I wasn't hoping for a shared beer right right out of the woom. We will wait until he's two LOL

 

[dooley_womack1]

Maybe have one in the hospital romb

 

[Baron Scicluna]

Precious - depends on your definition.
For me I was just a bundle of nerves. My wife did a C-section and the time dragged until I finally saw my daughter for the first time. When you see her, it's going to be the best feeling you've ever had.
Tips:
1) Cut the cord. It's kinda gross, but not that big of a deal.
2) Bring a camera.
3) If you live within a reasonable distance of the hospital, sleep at home at night and come back early in the morning.
4) Our nurse was fantastic in teaching me how to change diapers and bath the baby, but I asked a million stupid questions. The nurse told me she expects them, but was happy to see my actually wanting to do those things (note: changing the first couple of diapers sucks. The poop looks like oil).
5) Bring plenty of snacks and such, because hospital food sucks.
6) Laptop. Bring it.
7) Do all the inking you can (footprints and the such) at the hospital, because once you get home you won't do it.
8. Give the baby its first bottle. It's the coolest ******* feeling in the world, even if it totally destroys the shirt your wearing.
9) Make sure you tell any visitors who are waiting that everything is OK and the such ASAP. I got caught up in the moment and didn't realize I forgot to do that until about 45 minutes after the fact. Mother in law was pissed. She yelled at me for a minute, then hugged me as she cried.

That's all I can think of right now.
Being a dad is the best thing ever and you should enjoy every minute of that day.

A few other things:

Regarding No. 4, one of the best things I remember was having to ask our nurse a million times about changing diapers and feeding the first night my first one was born. At one point I apologized, and the nurse told me, "None of this matters right now. What matters is that you love your baby. Everything else will take care of itself."

I've always remembered that.

And a couple other tips:

10. Don't take it personally if, during the labor, your wife starts swearing at you or anything like that because she's in so much pain. My wife had a horrible labor, and said some nasty stuff. The nurse looked at me and whispered, "You're doing fine." Wifey later got the epidural, and within seconds, she became super-nice again. Once she was out of the hospital, I had fun telling her all the nasty stuff she said. She didn't remember any of it.

11. Keep any visits from family and friends brief, unless they're willing to keep an eye on the little one while your wife rests and let you take a break. Too many people coming in and out will tire your wife out. And you don't want to risk someone's germs getting to the baby.

12. Don't be afraid to ask the nursing staff to take the baby for a couple of hours during the night, even if they grumble a little or try to claim that you need to bond with the baby. You'll have plenty of nights where you're waking up in the middle of. Your wife needs her rest, and needs you rested as well to help out. Another great memory of my son being born was having the nurse take him for a while, then waking up a couple hours later to see him sleeping in a little swing. I just sat down and rocked him for a while.

13. The TV remote is hers. It doesn't matter what you want to watch. I missed two historic sports things when my son was born. And I didn't care. Remote's her's. Nuff said.

14. Also related to No. 12, see if the hospital has any sort of congratulatory meal or anything like that. One cool thing my hospital did was on the last night before we took the little guy home, the nurses would take him for a while, and they'd bring a special meal into the family room for both my wife and I. It wasn't anything super gourmet, but it was still nice to have an hour with my wife without having to worry about getting interrupted. It was the last time for a long time.

Oh, and congrats to you and your wife. It'll be fine, and keep us all posted.

 

[slappy4428]

Bring a Comet Bomb for the Nurses station. Just in case.