A
alleyallen
Guest
This morning as I'm trying to get on I-45, a major interstate in my part of Texas, Joe Bob Marrymycousin is in his trendy white truck and going about 45 miles an hour entering a two-lane stretch. Because of this bozo, I nearly got plowed into by a semi, and for the next mile, I was stuck behind him because all the traffic behind us was zipping around at 70.
But ole' Joe Bob is taking his sweet time accelerating, hoping to save a few pennies of the $3 of Exxon profit juice he sank into his "rig" this morning while spending an equal amount of money of a flavored coffee he's sipping so delicately he looks like he's giving a demonstration in an Emily Post manners class.
Frantic hand gestures and hand-written signs failed to get Joe Bob moving faster, and all the while, trash from the bed of his truck is flying out like inanimate creatures suddenly given the power of flight. A pebble or stray rock of crack flies out and hits my windshield, tearing a chunk out of it and making me even angrier.
As I pass the guy, finally, I offer direct questions about his lineage and his offspring, and he's blithely unaware, singing along to a New Kids on the Block smash hit and imagining he's the big man on campus at Loser High.
Two side notes:
1) Entirely too many people have trucks but don't need them. Trucks were and still are meant for work purposes (that was their original intent, anyway), not to get you laid by Mary Jo ***alot at Jimmy ****kicker's Bar and Icehouse. And you can tell the people who own trucks but don't use them properly by what they have in their bed: week-old underwear, empty soda and beer cans, perfectly coiled rope, two broken sheets of plywood and the latest copy of Gigantic Asses.
2) One of the items which flew out of this bozo's truck was an empty can of Coke Zero. Now if I'm to believe the name, technically shouldn't a new can of Coke Zero actually be empty? And as such, shouldn't I have to pay considerably less for a can of it from a vending machine? Not that I've ever actually had a can of that stuff, mind you. Just wondering.
Rant over. Sorry about this. Return to your lives.
But ole' Joe Bob is taking his sweet time accelerating, hoping to save a few pennies of the $3 of Exxon profit juice he sank into his "rig" this morning while spending an equal amount of money of a flavored coffee he's sipping so delicately he looks like he's giving a demonstration in an Emily Post manners class.
Frantic hand gestures and hand-written signs failed to get Joe Bob moving faster, and all the while, trash from the bed of his truck is flying out like inanimate creatures suddenly given the power of flight. A pebble or stray rock of crack flies out and hits my windshield, tearing a chunk out of it and making me even angrier.
As I pass the guy, finally, I offer direct questions about his lineage and his offspring, and he's blithely unaware, singing along to a New Kids on the Block smash hit and imagining he's the big man on campus at Loser High.
Two side notes:
1) Entirely too many people have trucks but don't need them. Trucks were and still are meant for work purposes (that was their original intent, anyway), not to get you laid by Mary Jo ***alot at Jimmy ****kicker's Bar and Icehouse. And you can tell the people who own trucks but don't use them properly by what they have in their bed: week-old underwear, empty soda and beer cans, perfectly coiled rope, two broken sheets of plywood and the latest copy of Gigantic Asses.
2) One of the items which flew out of this bozo's truck was an empty can of Coke Zero. Now if I'm to believe the name, technically shouldn't a new can of Coke Zero actually be empty? And as such, shouldn't I have to pay considerably less for a can of it from a vending machine? Not that I've ever actually had a can of that stuff, mind you. Just wondering.
Rant over. Sorry about this. Return to your lives.
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