Most embarrassing story ever (as shared by Craig Ferguson)

[Killick]

For those of your working tonight, or those who don't watch Craig Ferguson, he just dropped a great story on Denis Leary. Leary was talking about things he used to do to his brother, including taking a lighter to his record collection.

"Then, he'd come home and put on those huge 70s headphones, put on a record and I'd be laughing my ass off because all he'd hear was 'mwoo-wrah-woo!' because I'd melted all his records."

So, that prompts Ferguson to share his story about huge 70s headphones.

"I've got a story about those headphones. I had a friend who, after a night out, came home, got undressed and put on his headphones. You couldn't hear a thing around you when you were wearing them. And, as he's listening to music, he closed his eyes... and proceeds to perform... an act of self-massage. So, he, uh... finishes up... and he opens his eyes. And there, on the nightstand beside the bed, was a sandwich and a glass of milk."

Wow. Just, wow.

 

[Rumpleforeskin]

For some reason, I don't get it.

 

[Killick]

His mom apparently walked in on him, mid-wank, and he didn't realize it. She left the sandwich and milk.

 

[Rumpleforeskin]

His mom apparently walked in on him, mid-wank, and he didn't realize it. She left the sandwich and milk.

Well, that was nice of her.

 

[Killick]

Said Leary: "I think I would have run away from home." Agreed. The breakfast table the next morning would have been unbelievably uncomfortable.

 

[GermanKeyser]

Anyone else reminded of a Stephen Lynch song?

 

[proudpittsburgher]

For some reason, I don't get it.

"Living at home" would have been an essential part of the story/joke. :)

 

[Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!]

His mom apparently walked in on him, mid-wank, and he didn't realize it. She left the sandwich and milk.

To mom's credit... she thought the kid worked up an appetite.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

I can't believe that had to be explained... :D

 

[Boom_70]

His mom apparently walked in on him, mid-wank, and he didn't realize it. She left the sandwich and milk.

To mom's credit... she thought the kid worked up an appetite.

wouldn't it have been his mum since he was across the pond.

 

[spikechiquet]

For those of your working tonight, or those who don't watch Craig Ferguson, he just dropped a great story on Denis Leary. Leary was talking about things he used to do to his brother, including taking a lighter to his record collection.

"Then, he'd come home and put on those huge 70s headphones, put on a record and I'd be laughing my ass off because all he'd hear was 'mwoo-wrah-woo!' because I'd melted all his records."

So, that prompts Ferguson to share his story about huge 70s headphones.

"I've got a story about those headphones. I had a friend who, after a night out, came home, got undressed and put on his headphones. You couldn't hear a thing around you when you were wearing them. And, as he's listening to music, he closed his eyes... and proceeds to perform... an act of self-massage. So, he, uh... finishes up... and he opens his eyes. And there, on the nightstand beside the bed, was a sandwich and a glass of milk."

Wow. Just, wow.

To quote Geoff Peterson:

Boner.

I heart CraigyFerg. Biggest man-crush ever!

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

I think Rick Pitino's court testimony is more embarassing.

 

[Boom_70]

I think Rick Pitino's court testimony is more embarassing.

that to, but still think Bill Clinton's work given his stature is the gold standard.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

I think Rick Pitino's court testimony is more embarassing.

that to, but still think Bill Clinton's work given his stature is the gold standard.

I can see that point of view, but at least Clinton didn't have to acknowledge finishing in 15 seconds down his leg or whatever it was Pitino claimed. Clinton just scored with an intern. Really no different than probably a sizeable percentage of corporate America, except that he was the President.

 

[Bob Cook]

"Is that code?"

 

[spikechiquet]

I've "caught" buddies of mine on two sepperate occassions, both in hotels we were sharing while on various trips in college:
1) Was 2nd in line for a shower out of a gang of 3 of us. He walks out of the bathroom and I go in..the drain is slow and I look down in time to see, um, his "seed" washing down the drain.
2) Long night of drinking, buddy leaves the hotel bar early, I stay to BS with the bartender. I go up to the room 30 minutes later and my bud had ordered hotel porn and was sitting on the edge of the bed going to town. I just said "Don't mind me," walked into the bathroom and took a leak. Came out a few minutes later. Lights off, TV off and he's "asleep". We never spoke of it again. He probably thinks I was too hammered to remember. Maybe on his wedding day, I'll remind him I wasn't. LOL

 

[Brian]

Ferguson cracked me up a few weeks ago when he had Mila Kunis on.

When Kunis told him that she was only 14 year old when she started acting on That 70's Show, Ferguson looks at the camera sheepishly.

"I feel so bad now."

 

[Just_An_SID]

Killick never could tell stories very well.

 

[Killick]

Killick never could tell stories very well.

Yeah, I kinda ****ed it up.

Long night of drinking, buddy leaves the hotel bar early, I stay to BS with the bartender. I go up to the room 30 minutes later and my bud had ordered hotel porn and was sitting on the edge of the bed going to town. I just said "Don't mind me," walked into the bathroom and took a leak. Came out a few minutes later. Lights off, TV off and he's "asleep". We never spoke of it again.

Reminded of the scene from Tommy Boy (or was it Black Sheep?)... "Are you still up? Hey - who was your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa or... Spanky?"

 

[Big Circus]

"Richard...were you watching Spanktravision?"