more fun with brutal ledes.

[writing irish]

This one's from business news, not sports, but I thought I'd present it anyway, by way of warning.

http://beefmagazine.com/cowcalfweekly/jbs-becomes-industrys-dominant-player/

JBS Becomes Industry's Dominant Player
Mar 7, 2008

I've always wondered if those who heard Abraham Lincoln give his Gettysburg Address, saw the first cell phone, or gazed at Jesus Christ crucified upon a cross, really realized at the time that they were part of something historic. These are events that altered the world, but their significance probably wasn't completely understood at the time.

The announcement this week that JBS had reached an agreement to buy National Beef/U.S. Premium Beef (USPB), Smithfield Foods' beef interests (packing plants and feedyards), and Conti Group's half-interest in Five Rivers (the world's largest cattle-feeding company) is the type of significant event that might be considered historic from a cattle-industry standpoint. JBS was already the largest packer in the world but it will now control 10% of the global beef market and process nearly one-third of all U.S. fed cattle.

Um....okay.

 

[friend of a friend]

wow

 

[DemoChristian]

The greatest man who ever lived dying the most horrible death ever to pay for the sins of the whole world, perhaps our greatest president being shot, the introduction of one of the most popular products of all time...and some deal involving beef.
Yeah, those are the same.

 

[zebracoy]

I would argue the cell phone doesn't even fit in there. If anything, what about the steam engine? The automobile? Hell, a computer?

And what about the Chinese with their gunpowder?

 

[captzulu]

This is like one of those "which one does not belong" questions on aptitude tests.

 

[PeteyPirate]

I also would argue DemoChristian's point that Lincoln being shot while delivering the Gettysburg Address belongs on the list.

 

[EE94]

I would argue the cell phone doesn't even fit in there. If anything, what about the steam engine? The automobile? Hell, a computer?

And what about the Chinese with their gunpowder?

For those of us who make our life's work the written word, Gutenberg's printing press was selected as the most important invention in human history

the reasoning was its ability to distribute ideas

 

[writing irish]

1. Beef
2t. Gettysburg
2t. Jesus
2t. cell phones

It's really that simple.

 

[DemoChristian]

I also would argue DemoChristian's point that Lincoln being shot while delivering the Gettysburg Address belongs on the list.

I just failed reading comprehension. I could have sworn he had a reference to Lincoln being shot.

 

[jlee]

[color= blue]That's an awesome lede.[/color] I think I'll insert it into tonight's girls basketball roundup to give it some spice.

 

[writing irish]

That's the beauty of it. With just a little tweaking, it can be your lede for any article where the subject is dramatic.

Those soldiers deployed to Omaha Beach were pretty nervous. So were the residents of Leningrad during the Nazi siege.

The Palookaville Panthers J.V. basketball team can relate. Their star post, Clem Cadiddlehopper, had just fouled out with 8:45 to play. The visting Putnam County Peckerwoods led Palookaville 43-39...

 

[SF_Express]

You know, not to change things up on this thread (have at it, please), but I think cell phones are pretty big on the all-time innovation list, for what it's worth. Changed the world in many ways.

 

[writing irish]

Big as a beef company being purchased?

 

[SF_Express]

Big as a beef company being purchased?

Well, lets not go overboard.

 

[crusoes]

A friend of mine once described a lopsided football loss as "the worst disaster to hit the Irish since the Potato Famine of 1859." It was gently removed.

 

[Jones]

Maybe we should start a worst lede contest -- who can lay the biggest turd at the top of an imaginary story? Here's my first effort:

At yesterday's emotional funeral for Crestwood football coach Billy Smith, the most emotional moment came when quarterback Dave White tried and failed to deliver the eulogy: His lips quivered like two Oktoberfest sausages jumping in a hot pan, or the engorged labia of an orgasmic pregnant woman. It was the saddest thing this faithful reporter has witnessed since Billy Smith's actual death, which happened at last Sunday's 24-21 overtime loss to Catholic, the chalk outline sprayed around his rotund body bleeding into the fifty yard line, like our tears into our Arby's napkins.

 

[Sam Mills 51]

Maybe we should start a worst lede contest -- who can lay the biggest turd at the top of an imaginary story? Here's my first effort:

At yesterday's emotional funeral for Crestwood football coach Billy Smith, the most emotional moment came when quarterback Dave White tried and failed to deliver the eulogy: His lips quivered like two Oktoberfest sausages jumping in a hot pan, or the engorged labia of an orgasmic pregnant woman. It was the saddest thing this faithful reporter has witnessed since Billy Smith's actual death, which happened at last Sunday's 24-21 overtime loss to Catholic, the chalk outline sprayed around his rotund body running into the fifty yard line, like our tears.

The scary is many of us know worse - and more gross - ledes than this. Ugh ...

 

[Jones]

Hey, it's hard to write badly on purpose. It's like punching yourself in the face.

 

[mustangj17]

I will never forget where I was the day that JBS had reached an agreement to buy National Beef.

 

[Football_Bat]

"Lions haven't been in this much trouble since Siegfried & Roy."