MLB's all-cokehead team

[MC Sports Guy]

If you're serious about an all-drug (modern era 1970s-present) team, here my offering:

C -- Benito Santiago
1B -- Keith Hernandez
2B -- Allan Wiggins
SS -- Tony Phillips
3B -- Dale Berra
OF -- Dave Parker
OF -- Darryl Strawberry
OF -- Tim Raines
DH -- Rafael Palmeiro
SP -- Vida Blue
SP -- Ferguson Jenkins
SP -- Dwight Gooden
RP -- Rod Scurry
RP -- Steve Howe

Paul Molitor would be my third baseman or DH.

Completely forgot about Molitor. Good catch.

How is Otis Nixon NOT on this team?

 

[Smallpotatoes]

What about a sportswriters all-cokehead team?

I don't think any of us can afford it.

 

[Bill Horton]

can we at least add Willie Wilson as a pinch-runner (or drug runner during the early innings)?

 

[beefncheddar]

How to throw a no-hitter on acid, and other lessons from the career of baseball legend Dock Ellis

He immediately rented a car and drove to L.A. to see Rambo and his girlfriend Mitzi. The next 12 hours were a fog of conversation, screwdrivers, marijuana, and, for Ellis, amphetamines. He went to sleep in the early morning, woke up sometime after noon and immediately took a dose of Purple Haze acid. Ellis would frequently drop acid on off days and weekends; he had a room in his basement christened "The Dungeon," in which he'd lock himself and listen to Jimi Hendrix or Iron Butterfly "for days."

A bit later, how long exactly he can't recall, he came across Mitzi flipping through a newspaper. She scanned for a moment, then noticed something.

"Dock," she said. "You're supposed to pitch today."

Ellis focused his mind. No. Friday. He wasn't pitching until Friday. He was sure.

"Baby," she replied. "It is Friday. You slept through Thursday."

Ellis remained calm. The game would start late. Ample time for the acid to wear off. Then it struck him: doubleheader. The Pirates had a doubleheader. And he was pitching the first game. He had four hours to get to San Diego, warm up and pitch. If something didn't happen in the interim, Dock Philip Ellis, age 25, was about to enter a 50,000-seat stadium and throw a very small ball, very hard, for a very long time, without the benefit of being able to, you know, feel the thing.

Which, it turns out, was one of the least crazy things that happened to him on that particular day.

 

[beefncheddar]

Here's what Ellis remembers about the trip from Los Angeles to San Diego: not a ******* thing.

What's weird is that sometimes it felt like a balloon. Sometimes it felt like a golf ball. But he could always get it to the plate. Getting it over the plate was another matter entirely. Sometimes he couldn't see the hitter. Sometimes he couldn't see the catcher. But if he could see the hitter, he'd guess where the catcher was.

 

[Claws for Concern]

Was it Dock or Doc Ellis?

 

[joe king]

Dock.

And what about Darrell Porter at catcher over Santiago?

Porter delivered one of the great quotes of all time taling about his drug issues. I wish I could remember it exactly. It was something to the effect of, ``I used to watch other catchers jump around when they got hit by a foul tip and I'd say, `What patsies. That doesn't hurt.' Then I got off drugs and found out it really did.''

 

[HoosierLoser]

If Strawberry's on the team, his buddy Eric Davis deserves a spot, too.

 

[Freelance Hack]

Dock.

And what about Darrell Porter at catcher over Santiago?

Porter delivered one of the great quotes of all time taling about his drug issues. I wish I could remember it exactly. It was something to the effect of, ``I used to watch other catchers jump around when they got hit by a foul tip and I'd say, `What patsies. That doesn't hurt.' Then I got off drugs and found out it really did.''

Porter would be on the 70s-80s team.

In fact, we should break it down to the cocaine era (70s-80s) vs. the steroid era (90s-today) and have a winner-take-all series to determine what era was better.

 

[Sea Bass]

Dock.

And what about Darrell Porter at catcher over Santiago?

Porter delivered one of the great quotes of all time taling about his drug issues. I wish I could remember it exactly. It was something to the effect of, ``I used to watch other catchers jump around when they got hit by a foul tip and I'd say, `What patsies. That doesn't hurt.' Then I got off drugs and found out it really did.''

Dock.

And what about Darrell Porter at catcher over Santiago?

Porter delivered one of the great quotes of all time taling about his drug issues. I wish I could remember it exactly. It was something to the effect of, ``I used to watch other catchers jump around when they got hit by a foul tip and I'd say, `What patsies. That doesn't hurt.' Then I got off drugs and found out it really did.''

Didn't they play "Roll Out The Barrels" when Porter came to the plate at either Yankee or Shea once?

 

[Gold]

Dock Ellis not making the team is a travesty. ;D

Dock wasn't cocaine, it was LSD. I think he admitted being high when he pitched a no-hitter, and said he was not normal when he hit the first three batters in a game.

 

[Chef]

I'll take Otis Nixon for the block, please.

 

[Armchair_QB]

Willie Stargell should have a spot on that team.

Jay Payton should, at the very least, be the fourth outfielder on the 'roids team.

And the '93 Phillies should win some sort of team award.