Is Seinfeld trolling advice columns?

[LongTimeListener]

(Second letter, not the one in the headline)

Ask Amy: High-schooler feels harassed by former friend

Dear Amy: I recently ran into a famous local sports figure at my gym.

I didn’t want to bother him but much to my surprise he approached me. Turns out he knew me from my profession. He asked if I wanted to go out for coffee and we exchanged numbers. A few days later we had coffee and I thought it was pretty cool that he considered us friends.

Then everything changed. He told me he was interested in taking out a woman we ran into. She is my ex-girlfriend and we’ve remained good friends.

He asked me a couple of times if I wouldn’t mind if he asked her out. I reluctantly said no. I made plans with him, and then after talking to my ex I found out that he ditched our plans to go out with her.

The next day he called me and asked if I could help him move some furniture.

I barely know the guy, next thing he will be asking me to drive him to the airport. Two friends of mine warned me not to trust this guy. What’s the deal — am I being too rash or should I dump the guy as a friend? — Feeling Foolish

Dear Foolish: The good news here is that you won’t have to dump the guy as a friend because he is not a friend. He’s an opportunist who just keeps asking you for stuff. I suspect that when you turn down his generous offer to let you move furniture for him, you’ll likely never hear from him again.

 

[Steak Snabler]

Unavailable for comment:

 

[bigpern23]

That's awesome.

 

[TyWebb]

Love this.

 

[Buck]

Nice game, pretty boy!

 

[LongTimeListener]

Amy owns it.

“Every once in awhile, I get punked by a villainous, fun-loving reader,” Dickinson wrote on her site Monday. She added: “Honestly, I can’t believe I missed this one, because I have absorbed enough Seinfeld episodes to power a parallel universe of columns based only on Seinfeld plotlines.”

I don't understand how you can have encyclopedic knowledge of Seinfeld and not get that one, but OK.

 

[murphyc]

Nice game, pretty boy!

I DESPISE Keith Hernandez.

 

[schiezainc]

Amy owns it.

“Every once in awhile, I get punked by a villainous, fun-loving reader,” Dickinson wrote on her site Monday. She added: “Honestly, I can’t believe I missed this one, because I have absorbed enough Seinfeld episodes to power a parallel universe of columns based only on Seinfeld plotlines.”

I don't understand how you can have encyclopedic knowledge of Seinfeld and not get that one, but OK.

My guess is she writes these things begrudgingly and tries to put as little thought into is as actually possible to just get through it and do what she actually likes to do in life.

 

[Buck]

It's funny and she handled it just the way she should've by acknowledging it in a spirit of fun.

But she is a nationally syndicated advice columnist. Why would she try to get through it with as little thought as possible?

 

[LongTimeListener]

My guess is she writes these things begrudgingly and tries to put as little thought into is as actually possible to just get through it and do what she actually likes to do in life.

schieza, you of all people need to give Amy a chance. She also had this this week -- it sounds like it comes from a few movies we've all seen:

Married woman fantasizes about woman she sees at gym

Dear Amy: I am married to a wonderful, kind and attractive man, but I recently started obsessing over a woman that I see at my gym.

I hate myself for having intimate thoughts about her, but I can’t seem to get her off my mind.

 

[schiezainc]

This is when I would have advised her to see what happens with the woman at the gym and bring her home to the husband.

 

[Brian]

Dear Amy: I live next to a Kenny Roger's Roasters and the red light coming through my window is killing me. I can't eat. I can't sleep. All I can see is that giant red sun in the shape of a chicken. What should I do?

 

[TyWebb]

Dear Amy,
I am currently dating a beautiful woman I met at the gym. Things are going great so far.

The only problem I am facing with her is, well, I don't know if they are real or not. Yes, "they." A close friend, who also happens to be an ex-girlfriend, is convinced they are fake. Regardless, they are spectacular. I've tried to natrually bring up the topic in conversation with her to see if she would tip her hand, but so far she has been evasive. We have not slept together yet, so I haven't had an "hands-on" experience.

I'm the type of guy that tends to dwell on small things. This is clearly something I just can't get past. I'm at the point where I may ask my female friend to follow her into the sauna and find out. How can a guy respectfully ask a woman if they are fake? And should it matter?

 

[bigpern23]

Dear Amy,
I can't stop touching myself. It's uncontrollable. My friends and I had a contest to see who could go longest without self-gratification (it started when one of them was "caught" by his mother, which sparked a conversation about self-control) and I was out in a matter of minutes. What can I do?
C.K.

 

[qtlaw]

Dear Amy,

My mom had the audacity to leave a Glamour Mag out on the table when no one was home and she got home sooner than I anticipated. How do I explain to her it was perfectly normal?

Slow Hand

 

[mpcincal]

Different show, but I always enjoyed this:

 

[schiezainc]

Dear Amy,

How can I convince everyone that I was in the pool and shrinkage is a real thing?

Sincerely,
GC

 

[bigpern23]

Dear Amy,
My friend is dating a woman who talks really quietly — like so quietly I can barely hear her. She's a fashion designer, so I just chalk it up to her being quirky, but I'm always asking her, "What? What?" I get so frustrated asking her to repeat herself, I sometimes just nod my head and say, "Yup." Well, apparently, I did this the other day and didn't realize she was asking me to wear her latest men's fashion when I appear for a TV interview later this week. This shirt is ridiculous. It's overly puffy, and I'm embarrassed to have to wear it. Frankly, it makes me look like a pirate. But my friend really likes this woman, thinks she could be the one, so I'm hesitant to go back on my word and make a bad impression on his girlfriend. What should I do?
Sincerely,
I Don't Want to Be a Pirate

 

[Riptide]

Dear Amy:

What the **** is wrong with a cigar store Indian?