If boxers were countries

[Batman]

This was just one of those random thoughts I had the other day while driving. For some reason I started thinking about an old e-mail forward that compared SEC football teams to various empires in history, then starting thinking about boxers, and crossed the two. Came up with a few before something shiny caught my eye, but thought it might be a fun debate topic. Here goes nothing...

Country: The United States
Boxer: Mike Tyson
Reason: Both had a meteoric rise. Both had a period where they were unstoppable forces of nature. And both have had a swift downfall on the world stage that no one saw coming. Tyson was laid low by Buster Douglas, the U.S. is up against the Iraq war and subprime mortgage crisis.

Country: England/Great Britain
Boxer: Evander Holyfield
Reason: Both had their best moments a long time ago, but remain players on the world stage. They're both links to a past era when things seemed better (Britain in the 1940s and 50s, Holyfield the 90s). Both were great champions once, but seem to be fading off into the sunset.

Country: The Soviet Union
Boxer: Joe Frazier
Reason: Both were mighty powers in their heyday, but always played second fiddle to something better (The USSR to the United States, Frazier to Ali). Both were floored by relatively unknown factors (the USSR by the Afghanistan war, Frazier by Foreman).

Country: Japan
Boxer: George Foreman
Reason: Both Japan and Foreman were cocky assholes in their younger lives, and both made their names with sneak attacks (the Japanese at Pearl Harbor, Foreman with his knockout of Frazier). They both bit off more than they could chew, resulting in their downfall (Japan in WWII, Foreman taking on Ali). And, ultimately, both reinvented themselves into kinder and gentler editions. Now, both are relatively benign forces for good.

Country: North Korea
Boxer: Riddick Bowe
Reason: Both of them are just ape**** crazy. And both have kidnapped people at one time or another. You never took either seriously as a potential champion, yet each of them caused some trouble in their respective arenas.

Those were the ones I came up with. The ones I couldn't think of an equivalent for but wanted to were Ali, Andrew Golota, the Klitschko brothers and Ken Norton.

 

[Tom Petty]

canada: gerry cooney ;D

 

[forever_town]

If Canada were a basketball team, it'd be the Washington Generals.

Otherwise, I got nothing.

 

[Batman]

canada: gerry cooney ;D

The Great White Hope and the Great White North? I like it!

 

[Clever username]

I hate to say it, but you could make the case Ali is France.

 

[forever_town]

He doesn't surrender six hours after war is declared. He can't be France.

 

[Clever username]

That's why I said I hate to say it. His "surrender" and subsequent physical failings would be the Parkinson's. It's not the man's fault. France has no such excuse. It is an imperfect parallel.

 

[Steak Snabler]

Country: Mexico
Boxer: Buster Douglas
Reason: Each had one out-of-nowhere moment of glory (The Alamo for Mexico, Tyson win for Douglas), then spent the rest of their careers eating and drinking themselves into oblivion.

Country: The Holy Roman Empire
Boxer: Wladimir Klitscko
Reason: The HRE dominated an era in history (between the real Roman Empire and the Protestant Reformation) that no one really gives a **** about. Klitscko is the best heavyweight going right now, and again, no one cares.

Country: Poland (circa 1939)
Boxer: Duk Koo Kim
Reason: Do I really need to explain this one?

 

[Batman]

I was trying to limit it to more recent countries, like from the 20th century on, but really the best I can come up with for Ali is the Roman Empire.
Both innovated in ways no one had really seen before, and combined several different styles into one unstoppable juggernaut. Both were the greatest of all time, and both had endings that were less than ideal (the barbarians sacking Rome in 476, and Ali losing to Larry Holmes and Trevor Berbick). If you want to go deeper, you could even say both Ali and Rome had their more controversial sides seething just under the surface.

 

[Steak Snabler]

Country: The United States
Boxer: Sugar Ray Leonard
Reason: Both absolutely dominated the world stage for years, but didn't know when to stop and rest on their laurels. The U.S. has gotten into two unnecessary, bloody wars that robbed them of credibility (Vietnam, Iraq), while Sugar Ray didn't know when to stay retired and ended up damaging his legacy, if not his health.

Country: Israel
Boxer: Jake LaMotta
Reason: Controversial and often reviled (with good reason), but in-ring/battlefield chops unquestionable. LaMotta never achieved the status of Sugar Ray Robinson or other great middleweights, but he always held his own and never got knocked down. Israel isn't a superpower in the true sense of the word, but can handle itself when necessary and has never lost a war.

 

[Batman]

Country: Mexico
Boxer: Buster Douglas
Reason: Each had one out-of-nowhere moment of glory (The Alamo for Mexico, Tyson win for Douglas), then spent the rest of their careers eating and drinking themselves into oblivion.

Country: The Holy Roman Empire
Boxer: Wladimir Klitscko
Reason: The HRE dominated an era in history (between the real Roman Empire and the Protestant Reformation) that no one really gives a **** about. Klitscko is the best heavyweight going right now, and again, no one cares.

Country: Poland (circa 1939)
Boxer: Duk Koo Kim
Reason: Do I really need to explain this one?

I've been reading up on World War I lately, and have another for Duk Koo Kim -- Belgium.
On the eve of WWI, the Belgian king received an ultimatum from the German Kaiser. In short, it said let us pass through Belgium on the way to France and we won't annihilate you. The Belgian king, having seen German behavior up close for several years prior and not believing a word of it, said hell no.
"If we're to be crushed, let us be crushed gloriously," King Albert said.
So the Belgians threw their six army divisions against Germany's 34. And, well, they were crushed gloriously. The Belgians put up a great fight for what they had, relying mostly on national pride, and slowed the German advance long enough to derail their entire war effort.
Kim was crushed, but crushed gloriously. He went down fighting, much like Belgium. Not sure about the legacy of each situation being parallel, though.

 

[Steak Snabler]

Here's one more and then I'm going to bed:

Country: Germany
Boxer: Ray "Boom-Boom" Mancini
Reason: Both had a great run and contributed a lot, but are remembered largely for one ugly event. For Germany, it's World War II/The Holocaust, for Mancini, it's killing Duk Koo Kim.

 

[Bruce Leroy]

France: Glass Joe

Germany: Von Kaiser

Japan: Piston Honda

Spain: Don Flamenco

Hippo Island: King Hippo

India: Great Tiger

Turkey: Bald Bull

The former U.S.S.R.: Soda Popinski

U.S.: Tough call. Either Mr. Sandman (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania), Super Macho Man (Hollywood, California) or Mike Tyson (Catskill, New York).

 

[hockeybeat]

canada: gerry cooney ;D

I have a funny Gerry Cooney story. A buddy of mine got two tickets to Game Two of the 2003 World Series. Good seats, field level along the first base line, between the bag and the right fielder.

During the seventh inning, a guy sauntered by. I swear to you, he looked like Gary Carter. I jump up, tell the guy that I was a huge 1986 Mets fanboi looser and could I get his autograph. The man graciously signs, thanks me and continues down the ramp. I sit down and the Wall Street types behind me say, "We have some bad news. That wasn't Gary Carter."

Shocked, I say, "Of course it was Gary Carter.'' They sadly shake their heads and tell me I just got Gerry Cooney's autograph.

My face fell as I said, "Gerry Cooney? I don't want Gerry Cooney's signature when I thought he was Gary Carter." And I tossed it into the trash.

 

[Armchair_QB]

Shouldn't Mike Tyson be Bolivia?

 

[GBNF]

TTIWWOCL

(This thread is worthless without Clubber Lang)

 

[Tom Petty]

TTIWWOCL

(This thread is worthless without Clubber Lang)

i'd rather go with thunderlips:

 

[The Big Ragu]

France is easy, guys. No Mas. Roberto Duran.

 

[Rumpleforeskin]

Rocky Marciano - ?????

I was thinking Spain, with the Spanish Armada, but those ships were sent to hell. Maybe the United States? Has there been a country that never lost a war?

 

[Buck]

There seems to be a serious lack of understanding of the historical significance of the Holy Roman Empire here.
That doesn't change the fact that nobody cares about Klitschko.