Several years ago, I was visiting the East Coast.
I went to a wedding in the Hamptons, and I was traveling with two of my cousins, who moved from Rockaway to California in something like 1974. My cousin's husband drove to the Hamptons, and after the wedding we were all going down to AC.
The guy's got a rental car with a GPS device, and I'm in the back seat. I grew up in NJ, although I moved away about 10 years ago.
The guy's driving down the LIE, and we're coming up on the exit for the Sunken Meadow Parkway.
I say 'Tim, you want to get over. We have to get off up ahead.'
He doesn't say anything to me. Keeps driving.
I sit back and try to mind my own business. He keeps heading east.
Just keeps driving. An hour later, we're coming up on Brooklyn. I can't stand it anymore.
I finally say 'Tim, you do realize New Jersey's south, right? West is New York.'
He doesn't want to hear about it. The GPS says go west.
I'm getting apoplectic in the back seat. One cousin's sitting next to me, laughing. My other cousin's in the front seat next to her husband. She's staring out the window as I yell at her husband.
'Tim, this is the Midtown Tunnel coming up! You know where that's going to take us? Midtown, jackass!'
He keeps driving. We go through the Midtown Tunnel.
I'm banging my head off the window.
'Why are we in Manhattan? New Jersey is south! Atlantic City is south!'
I try to get a hold of myself.
'Tim, make a left. Let's head downtown. We can take the tunnel to the turnpike.'
The GPS say 'Turn right now,' and this assjacket turns and starts heading uptown.
I'm screaming 'What the f#ck are you doing? This is north! This is uptown!'
The buildings block the GPS. It says 'Searching for signal.'
Tim's confused. This is my chance.
'Make a left, Tim. Make a left, and then make another left. We'll head downtown to the tunnel.'
I'm wild-eyed, desperate. We're supposed to be traveling from the Hamptons to Atlantic City, and now we're meandering through midtown New York.
With the GPS down, Tim takes my advice and makes a left.
I'm joyous. There's a good-looking, downtown-bound street three blocks, but before we can get there, there's a break in the buildings.
The GPS has found a signal as we come up on an uptown-bound street.
'Turn right now,' it says.
Tim turns right, heading uptown.
'No!' I scream. 'What are you doing?'
It took us six hours to get from the Hamptons to AC.
I'm still haunted by the experience.