Getting Facebook "unfriended"

[Dick Whitman]

So yesterday I saw an old colleague comment on someone's Facebook thread.

I thought, "Hmmm ... haven't seen him in a while on here."

Clicked on him.

"Add Friend."

It was actually pretty devastating, and continues to be. This was the first people to give me a shot in the business, and currently a pretty high-ranking person in it. He sent me a congratulatory note when I left the business. He shared one of one of my freelance pieces on his page last year, I believe.

I don't feel like I do any of the things on Facebook that annoy people. No political rants. No oversharing. No humblebrags. No vaguebooking. I talk current events and sports, but in a measured way. Certainly more measured than a lot of the people he still maintains - we have 35 mutuals.

I'm utterly baffled. And really hurt, actually.

Should I be? Does this mean I'm a total idiot?

 

[Ace]

So he was a friend and now he's not? Sometimes people start new accounts in the same name if theirs was hacked or something.

 

[spikechiquet]

Could be an accident on their part. I usually just "unfollow" people instead of unfriending them. Seems more...civil.
I have lost a few people that I checked in on after a few years of adding them, but they were never big on using it anyway, so I assume they just dropped scores of people at the same time.

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

You're not an idiot, you're human...

For me, it takes a lot for me to unfriend you, you'd either have to say something pretty personal or just annoy the **** out of me. Most of the time, I just hide them from my feed.

But any time you make even the slightest political point on there, you risk offending people.

I stopped worrying about it awhile ago.

 

[MTM]

I have a former editor who I was "friends" with then not. I'm still FB friends with his daughter, who I didn't know nearly as well, and we have some mutual former colleagues, so it's not like he dumped all of us.

I don't know if he dropped me on purpose or by accident. It's more a curiosity than something I worry about.

 

[TyWebb]

Don't worry about it. It's Facebook. In the grand scheme, it means next to nothing.

The amount of stress and vitriol caused by the meaningless **** that happens on Facebook has always astounded me. It is one of the main reasons I got off of Facebook several years ago. People tend to take things so seriously on a site that was originally created so shy college boys could have sex.

 

[WriteThinking]

I recently appeared to be unfriended, and it was suggested that I friend someone who I know -- truly know -- would not have unfriended me without explanation, and I wondered about it.

It turned out to be some kind of FB hoax/scam, and she let all of the people on her friends list know that, no, they did not need to re-friend her. So, it might even be something like that that happened.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Do you post similar to how you post on here? (just kidding).

To play off Ty's comments, it's not worth the fret or stress. Worrying and stressing over stuff like this is going to counteract all the good work you do on the elliptical or treadmill or whatever. Just can't be healthy, and especially in that it's something you really can't control anyway.

Maybe that's easy for me to say, because I can pretty easily ignore and detach from things, especially on the interwebs. Not everyone can do that, I guess.

 

[Roscablo]

I've had a couple of unfriendings over time that I couldn't figure out either. I don't feel I'm overbearing on FB as well. I sort of chalk it up to a mistake but try not to worry about it.

 

[TyWebb]

I also think a lot of the problem comes from the terminology, friending and unfriending. Just because someone "unfriends" you on Facebook does not mean that person no longer considers you a friend. It just means you are no longer on a meaningless list attached to their profile. If they did it on purpose, it could be for a variety of reasons. I'd be willing to bet, unless you are an unbearable ass on Facebook, it has little to do with whether or not they consider you a friend.

 

[SFIND]

I once had a girl interested in me that I wanted no part of. I eventually unfriended her on Facebook -- and IIRC, is/was there an option to ban someone? -- I think I banned her too. I didn't get a nice reaction from that, but I'm pretty sure she's moved on (Thank GOD!).

Part of the reason I deactivated mine a couple of years ago. It was not worth the stupid stuff that goes on there.

 

[Dick Whitman]

I once had a girl interested in me that I wanted no part of. I eventually unfriended her on Facebook -- and IIRC, is/was there an option to ban someone? -- I think I banned her too. I didn't get a nice reaction from that, but I'm pretty sure she's moved on (Thank GOD!).

Part of the reason I deactivated mine a couple of years ago. It was not worth the stupid stuff that goes on there.

I deactivated mine yesterday, as well, after this came to light. If I'm not self-aware enough to realize I'm turning people away from me, then I don't need to be on there. I think of the people who annoy me, and how bad I feel for them because they don't realize what they're doing.

I'm one of those people.

It's a real wake-up call.

 

[Riptide]

Maybe you could discuss it with your priest over bible study.

 

[LongTimeListener]

I got unfriended by the chick who always posted bikini pics.

I'm still pissed.

 

[Vombatus]

Wow, DW.

Your reaction perplexes me, as I would chalk you up as someone who doesn't give much of a **** as to what others think of you.

I guess the difference is anonymous folks you know here on sj, versus people you know in real life on FB.

I will add one personal tidbit: I once had 400 FB friends, and I chopped it down to 20. Like mentioned above, it had nothing to do with actual real life friendships. I mostly didn't want the Feds trying to track me down through 400 people. Even 20 is too much.

Think I will go live in a hut in Montana.

 

[YankeeFan]

That's why I never get into political or religious discussions on facebook. It's not worth it.

That's what SJ.com is for.

 

[JackReacher]

This can't be real. I refuse to believe it.

 

[Riptide]

This can't be real. I refuse to believe it.

 

[3_Octave_Fart]

I have considered it a mark of honor, especially if it is done by some schmoe I haven't seen or talked to in umpteen years.
Facebook is good for reminding you why you left certain people in your rearview mirror in the first place.

 

[MTM]