Christmas-themed Columns

[Doc Holliday]

This is why you should never write one. Absolutely horrifying.

Stringer's The Night Before Christmas

 

[Michael_ Gee]

Some genius editorial writer, a class all sportswriters hold in disdain, wrote "Yes, Virginia There Is a Santa Claus" and ever since others have tried and failed to come close to a flash of genius. Never, never write a holiday column. Never, ever.

 

[spaceman]

Anyone who does should get a lump of coal in their stocking.

 

[HanSenSE]

Couldn't even make it past the second screen. Ouch.

 

[Sports Barf]

You had me at "Northwest Florida Daily News"

 

[Bradley Guire]

Once had a boss write an ode to March Madness, based on It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

Shoot me.

 

[TexasVet]

I'm kicking myself for even attempting to read that ... Stumbled my way through the first graf ... or stanza, or whatever that was. Not to poke fun on Christmas, but the author's last name is appropriate

 

[Riptide]

If you don't match the original's meter line for line, it's especially horrible.

And this guy did the worst case of matching meter that I've ever seen.

 

[MTM]

I tried reading it. I was never so happy to see a pop-up ad cover the text.

 

[Doc Holliday]

I read the whole thing, battling my way through the last 15-16 'graphs while contemplating suicide several times. It was like a bad car accident, I kept slowing down and couldn't look away, until I finally got past it. Absolutely one of the worst columns I've ever read.

 

[cisforkoke]

I liked the attempt until the name-dropping started. Then it was painful.

But I also have been worn down by a flurry (get it?) of bad "wish lists" here recently. Anything that's not that is a blessing.

 

[reformedhack]

Not sure who the sports editor is up there, but he/she is not doing a good job of teaching his/her young writers.

We've talked about this paper before in this forum:
Sunday Morning QB: Dear readers, we do not hate (or like) your team

 

[busch]

The same dude wrote this: Area athletic scene: The gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

Wow.

 

[Riptide]

The same dude wrote this: Area athletic scene: The gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

Wow.

Second-worst column of the month. ... Also, ever.

 

[Doc Holliday]

The same dude wrote this: Area athletic scene: The gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

Wow.

Man, I hate to beat this kid up, but somebody needs to give him some direction. Good Lord.

 

[reformedhack]

Not sure who the sports editor is up there, but he/she is not doing a good job of teaching his/her young writers.

Discovered the answer to my own question. The sports editor up there is ... the author himself. (Insert terror music here.)

 

[jr/shotglass]

And if you're a 22-year-old entry-level sports desker, do you rewrite the 24-year-old sports editor's poor column -- or tell him the entire premise is ridiculous? You have situations like that, too.

 

[Batman]

I've written a couple of Festivus columns in which I've aired grievances with the sports world. One was because the publisher mandated that all columns be Christmas-themed, and that was my subtle way of protesting. The other was a couple of weeks ago when I just could not think of anything better and had to put something on the paper. Both times were basically bullet-pointed columns with three or four items. Not a full-blown bad attempt to be clever for what felt like 1,500 words.
The first 30 seconds of this are what it felt like trying to read that column:

 

[cisforkoke]

There's an annual "bulleted item" column for one of the tournaments. It might have run already this year. It consists of factoids pulled from the program. They are organized in no fashion; it's simply a text dump. Better still, either the program has inaccuracies, or whoever does the pulling makes some mistakes. Either way, it's chock-full of misinformation.

 

[Bronco77]

The first two papers I worked for banned Thanksgiving- and Christmas-themed columns. I learned that first-hand at my first paper because I wanted to write one (was young and stupid at the time) and was told the managing editor considered them "cliched and sophomoric." Too bad that managing editor wasn't in charge at the Northwest Florida Daily News.