Child discipline

[kingcreole]

My 7-year-old daughter (and her little friend) just made a stupid decision - they tried to put one of my wife's daycare's portable cribs away. We keep a portable crib in each of the kids' bedrooms during the daycare because that's where we put the little ones at for nap time.

Anyhoo, an hour before nap time, my daughter and her friend are playing in her room. They decide the portable crib (called a pack 'n play for you non-parental types) was in the way. Since it folds easily (for an adult), they decide to break it down themselves and put it away. Well, the couldn't figure it out and soon hopped in the crib, which obviously isn't built for two third graders. They ended up breaking one of the legs. It's still usable, but likely not the safest thing.

When confronted, I could tell my daughter was going to try to talk her way out of it until her friend admitted both of their guilt. No apology from either, by the way. My wife and I talked, and we told our daughter that as punishment she would have to sweep the driveway and put mulch down in the flower garden and around the bare spots by the swingset (state regulation for daycares). She refused. Then we told her no chore, no TV in her room ever again. She whined, whined and whined that she wanted a "different punishment." So we told her we could cancel her birthday Saturday ( : : : ) She still hasn't agreed to the punishment, but I told her she would do it.

Back in the day, I would never have thought to talk to my parents like that, and gawd knows if I broke something I knew I shouldn't have been fooling with, I couldn't have said sorry enough. My wife and I aren't pushovers (our younger daughter always accepts her punishment without much fight), but what do you do with a daughter/son who constantly presses her luck like this? We don't believe in spanking (we do every now and then, however and only during non daycare hours) so I don't know what other means to lay the smack down.

Come Saturday when I tell my older daughter to get busy, I know she'll resist until I drag her outside.

 

[shockey]

um, you're not pushovers, but the spoiled brat has a tv in her room and gets to accept or not accept her punishment? gimme a break.

who are the parents here? ??? ???

what do you do? no spanking, but you decide the punishment and then stick to it. if it's not something she likes, well, that's the point, isn't it?l
shockey, father of boys age 16, 13, 11

 

[BTExpress]

Hmmmmm . . . I'm going to have to think about this for a minute.

 

[kingcreole]

um, you're not pushovers, but the spoiled brat has a tv in her room and gets to accept or not accept her punishment? gimme a break.

who are the parents here? ??? ???

Whoa ... who are you calling a brat? Better take it easy before you start calling my daughter a brat. She did nothing to you for you to call her that.

Nothing wrong with TV in her bedroom. It's not like she locks herself in there and watches TV all day. And no, she doesn't get the choice of accepting or not accepting her punishment. She's going to sweep the driveway and put mulch down.

Again, my younger daughter rarely refuses punishment. We're just kind of at wits end.

 

[shockey]

sorry about calling her a brat. but what's it sound like to you? ??? ???

the kid doesn't apologize, balks at punishment and has a tv in her room at 7? sounds bratty to me.

 

[Flying Headbutt]

Ya know my parents used to beat the living **** out of me, and looking back on it I'm glad they did. And I'm looking forward to beating the **** out of my kids someday too.

 

[shockey]

Ya know my parents used to beat the living **** out of me, and looking back on it I'm glad they did.  And I'm looking forward to beating the **** out of my kids someday too.

my folks never put a hand on me. but we also knew full well not to push it too far. sounds like that ship's already sailed on king.

 

[hockeybeat]

Ya know my parents used to beat the living **** out of me, and looking back on it I'm glad they did.  And I'm looking forward to beating the **** out of my kids someday too.

Denis Leary said:

Because that's the big thing now. Rehab is the big ****ing secret now. Isn't it, huh? Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Just go into rehab and solve your problems. Isn't that the big celebrity thing? That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I'm gonna get famous. Then when my career starts to flag, I'm gonna go into three months ****ing bender. Ok? Coke, and ****ing pot, and smack, and ****ing booze, and drive over people, and beat up my kids, go into therapy, go into rehab, come outta rehab, be on the cover of people magazine, "Sorry! I ****ed up!" That's what they do, man. They go into rehab and they come out and they blame everybody except themselves. They blame their parents, right? That's the way. Everybody comes from a dysfunctional family all of the sudden, huh? Rosanne Barr comes from a dysfunctional family? Not Rosanne! She seems so normal to me! The Jacksons were dysfunctional!? Not the Jacksons! These people give each other new heads for Christmas for Christ's sake!

I am sick and tired of hearing that ****ing speech. You know? These people come out of rehab they always have the same story. "Well you know, I became an alcoholic because my parents didn't love me enough. And then I became a junkie because my parents didn't love me enough. And I went into hypnosis and therapy and I found out that parents used to hit me." Hey! My parents used to beat the living **** out of me! Ok? And looking back on it, I'm glad they did! And I'm looking forward to beating the **** out of my kids, aren't you? For no reason whatsoever. *thbbt* "What'd you hit me for?" "Shutup and get out there and mow the lawn for Christs sake!" There's therapy for ya! Mowing the lawn and crying at the same time. "The Leary kids in therapy again. Their lawn looks great, it's unbelieveable!"

 

[alleyallen]

King ... this is kind of a milestone moment here for you and your wife. Your daughter is starting to feel a bit of independence that comes from being a little bit older, and like a three-year-old's sometimes puzzling behavior, she's simply testing her limits (and yours). How you proceed here is important.

Above all else, she's got to understand she's being punished for doing wrong, regardless of the actual punishment (or, ultimately, how you carry out that punishment). And if it takes you dragging her out into the yard, so be it. You may have to waste a day (and cajole her with a couple of impatient threats, like "Better get that sod laid down or you're going to be late for your own birthday party...") to stand by her and crack the whip, but it's better to establish the discipline right off.

And don't refer to the other daughter who accepts her punishment. That just leads to no good.

 

[kingcreole]

sorry about calling her a brat. but what's it sound like to you? ??? ???

the kid doesn't apologize, balks at punishment and has a tv in her room at 7? sounds bratty to me.

Generally, she's a good kid. Nice, popular, willing to help around the house, good grades, teacher's pet, pplays hard at softball practice/games, etc. But when it comes to stuff like this, we're dealing with a tornado sometimes. I guess I just don't get it, you know? And I know I'm not alone.

 

[DyePack]

You aren't explaining the punishment properly.

If you were to say, "We have to pay for the crib that YOU broke, so YOU have to work to cover that," then it would make sense.

Place the blame and punish the blamed. Otherwise you'll end up raising a future page designer who always points the finger at the editor, the writer, the reader, etc., and that would be bad.

And if all of that falls short:

"Break me off a switch, boy. There's gonna be a whippin'." [Note to the sarcasm-impaired: /sarcasm]

 

[alleyallen]

You aren't explaining the punishment properly.

If you were to say, "We have to pay for the crib that YOU broke, so YOU have to work to cover that," then it would make sense.

Place the blame and punish the blamed. Otherwise you'll end up raising a future page designer who always points the finger at the editor, the writer, the reader, etc., and that would be bad.

And if all of that falls short:

"Break me off a switch, boy. There's gonna be a whippin'." [Note to the sarcasm-impaired: /sarcasm]

Go get me something to beat you with.

Yeah, right Dad. :
I'm ripping off the corner of a piece of paper in that case.

 

[DyePack]

You aren't explaining the punishment properly.

If you were to say, "We have to pay for the crib that YOU broke, so YOU have to work to cover that," then it would make sense.

Place the blame and punish the blamed. Otherwise you'll end up raising a future page designer who always points the finger at the editor, the writer, the reader, etc., and that would be bad.

And if all of that falls short:

"Break me off a switch, boy. There's gonna be a whippin'." [Note to the sarcasm-impaired: /sarcasm]

Go get me something to beat you with.

Yeah, right Dad.  :
I'm ripping off the corner of a piece of paper in that case.

You lost me.

EDIT: Never mind. The lack of quotation marks threw me for a second.

 

[kingcreole]

You aren't explaining the punishment properly.

If you were to say, "We have to pay for the crib that YOU broke, so YOU have to work to cover that," then it would make sense.

Place the blame and punish the blamed. Otherwise you'll end up raising a future page designer who always points the finger at the editor, the writer, the reader, etc., and that would be bad.

And if all of that falls short:

"Break me off a switch, boy. There's gonna be a whippin'." [Note to the sarcasm-impaired: /sarcasm]

Go get me something to beat you with.

Yeah, right Dad.  :
I'm ripping off the corner of a piece of paper in that case.

My maw used to smack my brother and I with a yardstick that she kept behind the fridge. You could hear it echo throughout the house, and nothing made my little body tremble like hearing that thing echo coming out of its sheath.

Sometimes, I wish we lived in an age where that was still acceptable.

 

[Lyman_Bostock]

A backhand to the backside not only is not a bad idea, it's sometimes necessary in the wonderful world of child-rearing.

 

[alleyallen]

You aren't explaining the punishment properly.

If you were to say, "We have to pay for the crib that YOU broke, so YOU have to work to cover that," then it would make sense.

Place the blame and punish the blamed. Otherwise you'll end up raising a future page designer who always points the finger at the editor, the writer, the reader, etc., and that would be bad.

And if all of that falls short:

"Break me off a switch, boy. There's gonna be a whippin'." [Note to the sarcasm-impaired: /sarcasm]

Go get me something to beat you with.

Yeah, right Dad.  :
I'm ripping off the corner of a piece of paper in that case.

You lost me.

I lost you?
<snicker>
Man, I was just continuing your little sarcastic response.

 

[tonysoprano]

Be consistent and firm.

Me personally, I don't believe in time out. I was raised with old-school discipline. Disobey, and you get your ass whipped. Simple. By the time I was a teenager, it got to where all my dad did was have to look at me, and I would shut it down.

I know from personal experience that kids who are treated with kid gloves can manipulate and get over on any adult.

I remember some advice my parents gave me, "Be the parent, not the buddy."

(On a side note - I think a lot of kids I see are well-behaved, but there is a giant segment that doesn't understand the concept of respecting adults/authority figures. Growing up, my bro. and I had to respect our parents, grandparents, and if other friends of the family/neighbors were watching us, they had the authority to whip our ass if we got out of line. I don't see that much anymore.)

 

[poindexter]

My two cents -

You screwed up the second the punishment became a negotiation. You said the punishment is "x". If she then refused, I would have dropped everything, brought her out to the mulch area and kept her out there until dark, if need be.

In this battle, the 7 year old already has the "hand" on you two.

The TV would be gone yesterday as an aside. There's never a reason for a 7 year old to have her own tv in her room.

 

[alleyallen]

Be consistent and firm.

Me personally, I don't believe in time out. I was raised with old-school discipline. Disobey, and you get your ass whipped. Simple. By the time I was a teenager, it got to where all my dad did was have to look at me, and I would shut it down.

I know from personal experience that kids who are treated with kid gloves can manipulate and get over on any adult.

I remember some advice my parents gave me, "Be the parent, not the buddy."

(On a side note - I think a lot of kids I see are well-behaved, but there is a giant segment that doesn't understand the concept of respecting adults/authority figures. Growing up, my bro. and I had to respect our parents, grandparents, and if other friends of the family/neighbors were watching us, they had the authority to whip our ass if we got out of line. I don't see that much anymore.)

I don't necessarily disagree, because I was beat by my mom and godmother when I was bad.

That being said, I find it incredibly difficult to spank my son because, just like the old saying goes, it really does hurt me more than him. In the long run.

 

[poindexter]

She still hasn't agreed to the punishment,

Oy vey. You got troubles in your future. Bend over, you and Mrs. Creole are going to get your ass handed to you for the next 11 years.