Buying an engagement ring, need advice

[Beef03]

Long time no speak y'all, but, hey, I've been busy.
I am in need of advice, and as usual I cannot think of a better group of objective people to come to.
I am shopping for an engagement ring. Being that this is my first time out the gate in this area, I'm looking for advice and I'm not prepared to just take everything the person who is working towards as big a commission as they can get at their word. And let's be honest, I'm a reporter, so it's not going to be that big of a commission.

My biggest question right now, is it worth getting a bridal set -- the matching engagement ring and wedding band -- or just focus on getting the engagement ring and worry about the wedding band later, let her pick that part out? I'm not taking her shopping for the engagement ring, I want that much to be a surprise, as is her preference (she mentioned without any prompting at all that her dad brought her mom along to pick out an engagement ring and her brother in law brought her sister along, and she hated the idea).
Are there other things I need to be aware of while I'm looking?
Any other bits of advice while shopping is much appreciated.

 

[Buck]

best advice = don't do it
second best advice = concentrate on getting a stone, that's the investment. you can get a ring made after you buy the stone

 

[old_tony]

I don't have any advice, but I would like to offer my congratulations.

There are formulas out there such as two-months salary and all that. As a journalist, maybe you might want to go just a bit over two months. I like Buck's advice to concentrate on the stone. Remember, she's going to wear this ring the rest of her life.

 

[MisterCreosote]

Congrats!

I went to a private jeweler, who also does ring repair. He did really great work. I ended up with a custom-made white gold ring with a quarter-karat stone for at least a few hundred bucks cheaper than a commercial store.

I wouldn't worry about bands right now. That's something you can, and probably should, decide together. The engagement ring is a gift; the wedding bands are your symbols of love for each other, so we thought it only natural that we each had input.

 

[The Big Ragu]

First, congrats! Second. ... well, I'll give a diamond shpiel, since I have dealt with it.

I'm of mixed feeling on them. Diamonds are a racket. When DeBeers did large scale mining in South Africa, they attached the most successful advertising campaign to it and made diamonds into something every engagement ring has to have. They also aren't as rare as people think. DeBeers mined way more rough diamonds than they will ever sell, and they have a huge warehouse in London filled with them.

So as an "investment" diamonds kind of suck. They aren't rare. It's all marketing smoke and mirrors.

That said, diamond rings are traditional and women like 'em. And guys like me, at least, are clueless when shopping for them.

If you do get one, your choice is how "perfect" you want the diamond to be. They grade the things by 4 Cs -- aside from the obvious, how many carats (the size), you have the cut -- and that is to some degree a matter of preference.

Then, the two major things that determine how "good" the diamond is, are the color and clarity.

On color, if you are shopping for a white diamond, any tint or yellowishness is considered a negative. The grades work their way through the alphabet. The closer to Z, the the less desirable it is considered. A D or E diamond would be considered colorless. F nearly colorless. Etc.

On clarity, it's kind of confusing. "IF" means it is flawless -- these will be very expensive and aren't on most people's radar. Most diamonds have inclusions and depending on how visible they are to the naked eye or through a loop, it gets a grade. In order of less flawed to most, it runs something like: VVS1, VVS2, Vs1, VS2, SI1, SI2, I1, I2, I3. (Very, very slightly included, Very slightly included, Slightly included, Included, etc.) The prices will work their way down as you go through that chart.

The differences within those grades are very subtle. I have been there looking through a loop and they all look the same to me, so the best advice I can give is to only do business with someone you have a good feeling about -- who you feel you can trust. Because if you are like most men, you'll end up accepting whatever grade they tell you it is.

Also, while the clarity will affect the value of the diamond, you are not buying this thing as an investment, so don't go too crazy overthinking it -- try to stay within your budget and get something as nice as you can that you can afford. The only reason I am pointing out how they grade the things is that I believe you should know what it is you are buying. At the end of the day, though, she's gonna love whatever ring you choose.

 

[JackReacher]

Hopefully by now she's at least mentioned what kind of cut she wants. Just find one of those that fits into your budget and you're golden. This is way easier than it's made out to be, even if you're flying blind.

Congrats and good luck!

 

[YankeeFan]

Engagement Rings | Wedding Bands | Jewelry | Diamond Nexus

 

[amraeder]

Beef,
Has she given you an idea of the type of rings she likes, even if you're not taking her? The type of cut? The type of gold?

Congrats!

(Edit: Looks like Reacher basically said the same thing. But that's the basic starting point. Find out what types she likes. Then go buy what you can afford in that type).

 

[Gutter]

Get it (and the wedding rings) insured by a jewelry insurance provider. Coverage is more comprehensive than a bundle with your homeowners:

It's More Than a Ring - Jewelers Mutual Insurance Company

 

[Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!]

Congrats.
As someone noted ... find out what type of "cut" she prefers. My wife was a fan of princess cuts. Gold gold? White gold? Platinum?
I got my wife a "wrap" to go with her ring.


I also found its cheaper to buy in NYC than where I live. Maybe its competition, maybe its stolen? But jewelry there runs about half the price for I would pay around here.

 

[Gutter]

Another quick read: Choosing the Perfect Engagement Ring

 

[JackReacher]

Congrats.
As someone noted ... find out what type of "cut" she prefers. My wife was a fan of princess cuts. Gold gold? White gold? Platinum?
I got my wife a "wrap" to go with her ring.


I also found its cheaper to buy in NYC than where I live. Maybe its competition, maybe its stolen? But jewelry there runs about half the price for I would pay around here.

Maybe you bought from a guy wearing a long trench coat on the street?

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

Congrats!!!

For the engagement ring, focus on the rock and put it on a standard/typical setting and then let her pick out what she wants for the wedding band.

My wife took her engagement diamond and had it put into her wedding band. Her sister wears her engagement ring and a wedding band on the same finger, but they're still separate.

The best advice I got before I bought my wife her engagement ring was to find out her ring size ahead of time and be able to explain why you picked out the diamond that you bought, something like, "Well, the jeweler said clarity was most important than carat size..." That sounds better than, "Well, they showed me three rocks, one was $6800, the others were both closer to $7500 and I couldn't tell the difference so I bought the cheapest one."

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

If you need advice on what she'd like, consulting a sister or best friend is never a bad idea.

 

[MisterCreosote]

I've mentioned this before, but former Sixers owner Pat Croce had the best engagement story ever.

He proposed while watching TV on the couch, and when she said yes, he told her, "Why don't you go buy yourself a ring and then tell me how much I owe you."

Yeah. Don't do that.

 

[JackReacher]

Ex?

 

[Iron_chet]

Congrats Beef, I assume that you want to get the ring as a surprise so some of this advice may not work.

Before we were married my wife and I went in to Spence Diamonds to look at rings and get an idea for what kind of ring she wanted. Their radio ads are atrocious but actually a pretty good set up for looking at a ton of rings.

If you are geographically where I think you are PM me for the name of a custom jeweller. Its sounds expensive but was less than the chain jewellery stores and the couple who run it are fantastic, have bought my wife more stuff from them. Super easy and unpretentious to work with, know a few people who have gone there and friends recommended him to us.

 

[cranberry]

Engagement Rings | Wedding Bands | Jewelry | Diamond Nexus

Because who can say no to a flawless diamond simulant?

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

I was told not to ever buy a ring from a chain jewelry store, that the diamonds are usually marked up higher and not usually as nice. I don't know if that's true, but I had a really good experience going to a diamond broker.

I paid $8K total for my wife's engagement ring and it was appraised and insured for $12K which made me feel like I got a pretty good deal.

 

[MisterCreosote]

We spent five times more on our wedding bands than I ever spent on an engagement ring.