Best man

[Cosmo]

Serious question here because I clearly don't know what I'm doing. My best friend from college is getting married in about three months, and I'm the best man in the wedding. I've been in wedding parties before, as an usher, but I've never really figured out the responsibilities of the best man, and I'd rather not screw anything up.

I understand I'm responsible for:

* Planning the bachelor party
* Giving the toast at the reception

Am I missing anything important? What's the best way to plan the bachelor party? Ask my friend in advance what he wants to do and go around those parameters? Any advice from others who have carried out such an important role?

Thanks in advance!

 

[mustangj17]

Making sure the groom shows up should be a top your list.

 

[YGBFKM]

No advice, but I imagine this thread will take a few hilarious turns -- until Waylon shows up.

 

[playthrough]

And hold onto the rings. Tightly.

I just got back from a bachelor party and I'm the best man. I planned many of the party activities but it was more because I knew the town the best among the guys attending. Bachelor chose the venue (Vegas) and dates. He tried to head us off from any activities involving women, we told him he didn't have jurisdiction over that. Everything else, he could take the lead on.

 

[Care Bear]

I recommend a wolf pack for the bachelor party so you can roam the desert in search of hookers and cocaine. But no floories.

And this site might help:

http://www.thebestman.com/

 

[dieditor]

Basically, you're supposed to make sure your buddy relaxes and enjoys things. I'm best man for a wedding in a couple weeks, and all he's really asked me to do is keep things moving and organized. This means making sure his and hers luggage shows up at the hotel for their wedding night, paying any tips/last minute fees at the reception (he better give me cash), and making sure the whole things runs smoothly.

With a bachelor party, asking for parameters is a good idea. My buddy asked for a relatively low-key evening, so we are going with some friends/relatives to a Celtics game and then out for a couple beers after. Nothing too fancy, even though some guys might want to remake "The Hangover."

My best advice is just to keep things relaxed but moving. He will be stressed enough.

 

[doubledown68]

I'm the best man for my brother's wedding. We're keeping the bachelor party fairly low-key, because well, we can't afford not to. The future bride is dead set against having strippers involved.

Normally, i wouldn't give a **** about this, especially since the freaking wedding is dry. Unfortunately, her brother is in the group going out. And since I don't know their family that well, I have no idea if our goings-on would get back to her. So instead we're going to a Royals game, followed by dinner and a casino, with a car service ferrying us around.

I've thrice been a groomsman, never a best man. We'll see how it goes.

 

[qtlaw]

I've done this twice and the most important thing is to help the groomsman relax as much as possible the night before and the day of the wedding.

As for the bachelor party, definitely get the parameters from the groom; you don't want to go beyond what he's comfortable with. Not a nice legacy to have if you go overboard.

 

[Piotr Rasputin]

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/42445/

If he has married siblings who he gets along with and wants at the bachelor party, make sure they at least are aware of the possible goings-on. Family bitchiness never has a positive effect on a wedding and its various processes.

In the speech:

Never given one (my closest friends are generally not the marrying types), but been to plenty of weddings and heard speeches that run the gamut. The single worst best-man speech I've ever heard was one where the couple had dated for a decade (which happens these days), and the guy started his speech with "Finally. (nervous laughter). You know . . . Finally." Followed by silence. Followed by dude realizing the joke he had likely thought of just minutes before giving the speech had bombed horribly, and dude hitting the ejector seat as quickly as he could with the old standbys about what a good friend the groom is, how he wishes them happiness and all that tiresome, boring crap.

So my best advice, being part of some crowds which absolutely cringed and others which laughed throughout:

WRITE. IT. DOWN.

Act like you give a **** about your buddy's wedding. Have some written notes. Yes, it looks geeky, but it's better than going up there with "Uh . . I've known the groom for six years . . . . he's a good friend. . . . . . and he's lucky to be marrying such a great girl . . . . uh . . . . . OH ****! I'm out of ideas! . . UM . . .Raise your Glasses!"

All three of my brothers who got speeches just got short yet rambling ones about how he's been a good friend and what a great girl he's marrying and welcome her to the family (from the best men who were brothers) and blah blah blah. The guy's a good friend? No ****? Maybe THAT'S why you agreed to be best man?

Three years ago I was at a wedding where the groom managed to choose two best men who were both morons. Each took the mike and spoke about how long they knew the groom and what a friend he is and etc. No examples. No good jokes. Just a couple of a-holes who seemed like they cared so much about their buddy that they decided to wing it on the most important speech of his wedding day.

At my wedding, I was lucky enough to choose a best man who consulted with other friends who had been best men to get tips. After the maid of honor had given a speech that she had typed on one sheet, dude pulled out four and a half pages. Well-paced, a lot of stories and good-natured digs, lost his place on the page at one point. The DJ interjected music at appropriate points, and it was perfect.

Just act like you care, and you'll be fine. Think of what makes dude a great friend, think about why he would ask you, why you accepted, and what are the moments that define your friendship. And tell those stories. Everyone already knows he's been a good friend, and everyone already knows you have to say she's a great girl even if you don't believe it.

Be original, and give a speech unique to that friend and that day. Good luck.

 

[cranberry]

I'm pretty sure that by protocol the Best Man gets first choice among bridesmaids at the reception, too.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

I've done this several times.

Ask him what he wants for a bachelor party. Some guys want Vegas and strippers and others are happy with something completely different. The best bachelor party I ever went to was when about 10 of us went to a baseball game, out to eat at a Steakhouse and then a brief appearance at a strip club, which was done primarily to please the groom's younger brother, who was bitching about it the whole time.

I was at a wedding of another journalist about eight years ago and his best man actually gave a speech that mentioned the groom's previous girlfriend twice. People really need to stick to 1. How you know the groom. 2. An innocent anecdote about what a great guy the groom is. 3. How happy you are for the bride and groom.

It's one thing to get nervous and give a ****ty speech. That will be forgotten 10 minutes later. It's a whole different deal for the people who are inappropriate and tell stories that should not be told in front of family members. "This guy used to be such a player. I never thought I'd see the day that he'd settle down." sounds innocent enough, but is one of the worst things you can say.

 

[Cosmo]

Great post Piotr, and thanks for the link.

I know his family very well. I barely know her, because we live in different states and I've only gotten a chance to meet her once. She made a fantastic impression on me though. Pretty much could see right away why he fell for her. He mentioned something briefly about just going back to Blacksburg for the night with a bunch of friends because that's where a lot of his memories and good times were, and that sounds like it can work for me. I definitely don't want to plan anything over the top. Neither one of us are strip-club types, and most of his friends that I know aren't either. Though you mentioning family made me think I should get in touch with his dad, who I've been tight with in the past, just to get his take on things.

Like you said Piotr, this day and this event is about him, not about anyone else, so I want to do right by him and his family. Appreciate all of the advice so far.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Don't drink before you do the toast. It's better to be extremely nervous than too relaxed.

 

[Cosmo]

George enters wearing a very small tuxedo.

GEORGE: What, are you locking the door now?
JERRY: Well, well, look at you. It¹s a little skimpy there isn't it?
GEORGE: Do you know the last time I wore this thing? Six years ago, when I
made that toast at Bobby Leighton's wedding.
JERRY: Ooo, that was a bad toast.
GEORGE: It wasn't that bad.
JERRY: I never heard anybody curse in a toast.
GEORGE: I was trying to loosen 'em up a little bit.
JERRY: There were old people there, all the relatives. You were like a Red
Fox record. I mean, at the end of the toast nobody even drank. They were
just standing there, they were just frozen! That might have been one of the
worst all time toasts.
GEORGE: Alright, still her father didn't have to throw me out like that, he
could have just asked me to leave. The guy had me in a headlock! Susan's not
going tonight you know.

 

[MacDaddy]

The only thing I'd add to what Piotr said about speeches is it's better to go short than to go long.

 

[Rhody31]

My buddy's planning my bachelor party right now, but me and my friends have planned all of ours together.
Bascially, we exchange emails among the core of friends - for us, there's eight of us - until we come up with something. The Best Man usually gets things started throwing out ideas and doing the research.
Once plans are solidified, e-mails go out to more people.
I don't know how your buddy feels about surprises, but ours have all been kept a secret for as long as possible. Last Sept. we took our buddy to Baltimore and he didn't know where he was going until he arrived at the airport.
I'm in the same boat now. I have no idea when or where I'm going, I just know there's a max of 15 people who can go and I'm one of them.

 

[rube]

Best advice would be to echo Mustang's comment – make sure dude shows up, at the church, fully dressed and on time.

I've been in at least two wedding parties where we got him there about 15 minutes late – the bride had no idea obviously, but there were plenty of PO'd folks already jabbering.

As far as bachelor parties go – basically anything fun works. Just shy away from renting any type of limo/bus/car – you puke in it, you lose about 500 bones.

 

[NoOneLikesUs]

I basically felt like a manager when I was a best man at my brother's wedding last year. I felt like everything I did was a part of making the day go smoothly whether that was holding umbrellas for the bride's maids (it rained) or trying to keep the groomsmen from making complete asses out of themselves. I don't recall having any real free time to indulge in food or alcohol.

 

[JayFarrar]

I asked the same question nearly a year ago.
that thread was a great help.
anyhoo, you and the maid of honor are responsible for getting the couple to the reception and off for their honeymoon.
in our case the maid got a hookup on a rental car so they could drop it at the airport.
also you are responsible for getting and returning the tuxes.
also the day before, just be there and make sure he gets around okay. Just little things like driving him around.
and don't go nuts on the bachelor party unless you want the bride to cut your nuts off.

 

[Beef03]

Can't really add too much more, outside emphasizing that losing the groom during the bachelor party is not cool either. Did that once. Thank god the party was a couple of weeks before the wedding.

Been a best man twice. Short and sweet for the speech is the best way to go. If you are having trouble trying to be funny, or coming up with jokes, don't. Just do the straight up thing and get it out of the way. Also if you do have something memorable planned, make sure you do not to follow the bride's handicapped brother who cries through his speech. You're basically screwed at that point. Tough to control that but it is what it is. Not fun trying to do a speech while the crowd, particularly the family/bride is crying -- mind you this bride cries during Extreme home makeover or whatever its called, but still. Funny doesn't work then.

For the most part just keep things under control from the groomsmen side of things, the last thing you want to be remembered for is causing any kind of disturbance, the day is the bride and grooms, particularly the bride's, just help them shine -- as corny as that sounds.