Always go to the funeral.....

JR · May 2, 2008

This is from a regular advice column in the Globe & Mail called "Damage Control",--you know, when you do something so egregiously wrong that you can't just pretend it didn't happen.

This is one from a guy who skipped his sister's mother-in-law's funeral to go to.........a basketball game--but lied about it. Said he had work obligations.

I'm not so much interested in the guy's problem--his lying was worse than the not going but still, there's a little bit of wisdom in the article. Hokey folk wisdom but still.........

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080502.wldamage02/BNStory/lifeFamily/home

There was a lovely piece called "Always Go to the Funeral" on NPR a few years ago, by a woman named Deirdre Sullivan.

She said her father taught her to "always go to the funeral."

She said his statement has always reminded her "to do things even when I really, really don't feel like it. ... I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit. ... In my life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing."

Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and go to that colleague's dinner party even though you'd rather have your fingernails pulled out.

Just smile and nod politely.

shockey · May 2, 2008

my parents, who are in their 70s, did not go to my mother-in-lsw's funeral. excuse was it was a three-hour car ride. my wife and i were very hurt by this and i told them so. they raised me better than that.

two years later, my father-in-law passed. damn straight my mother got there (my dad was ill).

please, people, whenever feasible, please attend the funeral of any person close to a loved one. it is noticed. a mental attendance note is taken. trust me. i know from more than just this experience.

you really learn who your most genuine friends are.