Advice

[busdriver]

I am going to ask you all for some advice.
My best friend was off work for about 3 months, and she has just gotten back to work,well as we all know bills can build up so fast and can over come us.
Well at this point she is still behind on her house note and truck note, I have tried to help her as much as I can, but I am at the point that helping her is taking is tool on me.
She has two children a boy and a girl, and yesterday her lights wee turned off.
Well as it happened this is her x husband weekend, so he has the kids.
And tonight she tells me that she is thinking about giving up her kids so that they can have a better life with him. Now she has had problems in the past, and I see her going that way again. She is drinking all the time and that is not like her. Anyway tonight she asked me what I thought about her giving up her kids, I told her that I had to think about it. So I am turning to all of you hoping that you can help me. I have even told her that she and the kids could come stay with me and my kids for a while till she can get back on her feet, but she won't do it. So please give me some advice about what I should tell her?
I even told her that it would not be good for me to tell her what I think she should do, but she says I am her Best friend and just hearing what I think helps her.

 

[Moderator1]

Dude, I'm sorry. But - if this is not bull**** - this goes WAY beyond us here.
Your pal needs professional help and fast. As much as we like to think otherwise, we are far from qualified.

 

[mike311gd]

He's right. No matter what we say, it won't matter. Ultimately, she has to decide what's best for her children and herself. It sounds like you've helped all you can help -- maybe even too much. But she's got to make this decision on her own. Otherwise, she'll never forgive herself and perhaps blame those around for steering her in a "wrong" direction.

Good luck with everything, though.

 

[busdriver]

I know that you all are right, and thank you because I know now I can tell her that by me not tell her what I think it will help her in the long run.
I am sure that you all have that best friend tat you would do anything for, and being a woman I see her more as a sister than a friend.
but thatyou for you support.

 

[boots]

1, If her and the X are on good terms, and if he can provide for the kids until she is stable, then yes, it's a good move. The kids weren't asked to be born. Nor should they have to suffer.
2, If that is not an option, and you are as good of friends as you say, and it won't be porblem, try to persuade her that it may be in her best interest to move in with you temporarily.
3, Don't let the government get involved. At all costs, keep them out of the situation. Foster care is not an answer.
I wish you luck and pray that all works out.

 

[busdriver]

You are right Boots and I am stilltrying to get her to move in with me, granted it will be a tight fit I only have a two bed room house, but I think it would be good for her, I have said that when I needed the help that she was there for me and my girls, and that if we are best, that it is time for me to repay those favors, but she says that she has to do this on her own, and I fear that because her and her X are not on good term's that if she lets him have them, that she will never get them back, And that is way I am trying to get to move in with me, I told her that by her being with me it might be easer on her to tell him that she just needs a few months to get back on her feet. I will not give up on her, and will continue to try to get her to do the right thing. thank you Boots for your input, I put a lot of value in what you have to say, I read your comments all time you are a wise man, as well as so many of the members. That is why I came here.

 

[Write-brained]

Is there a doctor around? I just hurt myself laughing.

All the same, good luck busdriver.

 

[boots]

You are right Boots and I am stilltrying to get her to move in with me, granted it will be a tight fit I only have a two bed room house, but I think it would be good for her, I have said that when I needed the help that she was there for me and my girls, and that if we are best, that it is time for me to repay those favors, but she says that she has to do this on her own, and I fear that because her and her X are not on good term's that if she lets him have them, that she will never get them back, And that is way I am trying to get to move in with me, I told her that by her being with me it might be easer on her to tell him that she just needs a few months to get back on her feet. I will not give up on her, and will continue to try to get her to do the right thing. thank you Boots for your input, I put a lot of value in what you have to say, I read your comments all time you are a wise man, as well as so many of the members. That is why I came here.

Don't know about the wise part. but I wish you well. From what you have described, she is a good person who has had a run of bad luck. Tell her to hang in there. Be a friend. Be supportive. Try to persuade her that moving in with you might be the most logical thing to do to keep her family together.
Try at all costs not to get county or state agencies involved. They will screw the situation up more.

 

[txsportsscribe]

a wise man doesn't give advice on something where he has absolutely zero real first-hand knowledge. someone shoot me if i ever get on here and ask for advice on such a serious situation from a total stranger, especially – after reading his previous posts – from someone like boots.

 

[boots]

a wise man doesn't give advice on something where he has absolutely zero real first-hand knowledge. someone shoot me if i ever get on here and ask for advice on such a serious situation from a total stranger, especially – after reading his previous posts – from someone like boots.

Three questions. 1, Do you know me? 2, Do you know anything about my experiences with this subject? 3, Was your comment necessary or was it made just to get a rise out of people?
It would be nice to get an answer from you. Thanks.

 

[Moderator1]

Nope. Not going to even start going there.