Van Valkenburg on the bizarro of Adam Muema

[Songbird]

He's the San Diego State running back who went missing at combines and pledged his loyalty to a freaker named Lord RayEl.

Kevin Van Valkenburg of ESPN wrote a great story on his hunt for Muema. The story starts out well enough, and continues along those lines, nicely written, much crisper and cleaner than other stores I've ready by KVV.

But then you get to the part that changes the entire equation of the story. KVV latches onto and deciphers a strange clue and runs with it, and that's when the story cuts against the grain in the best of ways. Without that, it's just another "I went on a search for Adam Muema" story.

I only know Kevin from here and the other funny farm and through a bit of social media. I've read plenty of his stories and always appreciated them on a certain level, but this is my favorite piece by him. I think he took a big step forward in his storytelling abilities.

http://espn.go.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/10965406/hiding-plain-sight-former-san-diego-state-star-adam-muema-ditches-pro-day-nfl-combine

 

[The Big Ragu]

Thanks for the link. I wouldn't have read this.

I thought he did a really good job. He took what the reporting gave him, and he didn't try to do more with it than what he had. I think that would have been the temptation for a lot of writers.

The thing I found unsatisfying is the obvious -- his inability to get to Lord RayEl and piece together something bigger, if there is a story. I will bet that left him feeling unsatisfied too. But getting what he did get took good reporting and it made for a good story. I thought it was really well written -- paced well and it carried me along easily.

 

[Songbird]

Whether he intended to do this or not, KVV made you earn the payoff. He easily could have started the story with the braggadocio of finding the clue that led to Muema's bit of gamesmanship but you had to be patient and work your way up to it.

I suppose not being able to tie it all together with the story behind Lord RayEl bugged Kevin but he reported enough information about the person to add depth about it -- like how RayEl's mom paid for the website etc etc.

It's more about how he almost missed the biggest clue out there. Unless it comes to bear later, no other writer caught the clue and, more important, re-enacted the moment. THAT'S the beauty of it all. He went back and stood where he was standing when the photo was taken and sleuthed out the rest. Not to mention having the balls to follow it up and put himself at risk somewhat late at night.

So much of the talk here when it comes to craft includes Gary Smith and his ability to find that "oh ****!" moment. KVV found his "oh ****!" moment and fashioned the entire story around it.

And he made us work to get there.

 

[H.L. Mencken]

First person. Necessary in this piece?

 

[LongTimeListener]

Definitely. The text conversation was an indispensable piece, especially the "I can see you" moment from Pro Day.

"Told a reporter" always sounds ridiculous to me, and it would be especially so here.

 

[jr/shotglass]

I agree with LTL. Staying out of first person is a good starting point. But then you have to be ready to use it if it looks unnatural the other way.

Thought this was an outstanding piece.

 

[Songbird]

This person wonders if Muema played the game with other reporters who simply didn't put 2 and 2 together.

 

[Alma]

First person. Necessary in this piece?

Indisputably it is.

 

[Alma]

Raw Story has an update as of today. Muema says he's never talked to Ray-El. Well, of course not. It's more of a fraud than a cult.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/23/adam-muema-who-gave-up-the-nfl-for-lord-ray-el-may-flee-the-u-s-for-brazil-to-go-ninja/

I think it's enormous waste of time "looking" for Ray-El in the context of this story, unless ESPN wants to pay a hacker money to find him. Pretty obvious he's a scam artist.

 

[Songbird]

Maybe he's related to Antwaan Randle El.

 

[Double Down]

One criticism I heard about this story today is that it doesn't mention mental illness. It's clearly shaded within the story, but not explicitly stated. Should it have been? Legally can you suggest someone is suffering from schizophrenia without any medical diagnosis to back it up?

 

[Double Down]

I wrote the piece, btw. In case that's unclear. Just throwing it out there as a discussion point. Any criticisms are welcome.

 

[Boom_70]

Great story DD. Congratulations!
Did you by any chance check to see if Muema has any
concussion history?

As to reader, to me first person is the only way this story works.

 

[Songbird]

You pointed out the baseball bat incident. Add that to the day to day head injuries he suffered in football and it's probably easy to surmise he's got a few issues going on up there.

 

[Double Down]

None that I could find.

Btw, before it comes up, I stopped posting here for awhile only because I was sick of my own sanctimony and rep. No one chased me away. I have my issues with SJ, as we all do, but I needed a break from the fights I couldn't resist picking/responding to. I realized i'd been posting here for 10 years. Everyone knew who I was. And on here, I was occasionally an asshole. It was time for others to have the stage. I labored over this story though, cared and worried about it (and Muema) so I decided I'd weigh in here. Thanks to anyone who gave it a chance.

 

[Boom_70]

You pointed out the baseball bat incident. Add that to the day to day head injuries he suffered in football and it's probably easy to surmise he's got a few issues going on up there.

Yeah if you look at his yds per carry its one of lowest of top 25 D1 backs which tells you
he took a lot of hits. Combined with the bat injury you have to wonder if there is some
TBI working.

 

[Pete]

I enjoyed this Muema story, but it wasn't quite as good as Les Carpenter's take. JMO.

 

[Double Down]

I heart that comment, Pete.

 

[amraeder]

One criticism I heard about this story today is that it doesn't mention mental illness. It's clearly shaded within the story, but not explicitly stated. Should it have been? Legally can you suggest someone is suffering from schizophrenia without any medical diagnosis to back it up?

I'm curious how you think you would have worked it in to the story if you were going to.

You could have interviewed experts in mental illness, gave them the background and had them weigh in. But without them ever seeing him, whatever they said would have had very little weight to it. It's the kind of thing, in stories, that always sits wrong with me. So, personally, I'm glad you didn't go this route.

You couldn't mention it as the narrator of the story "As I stood there" or "as I read this text" or "as I reflected on his behavior." That would have been even worse than the qualified doctor who never actually saw him as a patient.

You could have worked it in through a quote of those around him, if they were wondering about it. But ultimately, that, I think would have been unsatisfying to me as a reader, because, again, they're just shooting off theories - they aren't experts in the field. They're just spit-balling.

I don't consider myself an expert in the craft, so there might be other options out there I'm not thinking of. But, given what I see in the story, I can't think of a way to address this, that, as a reader, would leave me better served that what you did - tell the story and let the reader draw his or her own conclusions.

Just my $.02 off the top of my head.

 

[Alma]

I wrote the piece, btw. In case that's unclear. Just throwing it out there as a discussion point. Any criticisms are welcome.

Nah, it's one of the best sports stories written this year so far.

I'd appreciated that it <i>didn't</i> dive into the deep end about mental illness or concussions. From afar, it seems to be a mental break, even if I suspect there's somebody on the ground in the CA area running an out-of-home church scam with Rayel. SoCal is primetime ground for that stuff.