In honor of its re-release in 3D, Lindy West rewatches Titanic; Hilarity ensues

[Double Down]

You may remember Lindy West from her epic review of Sex and The City 2: Menopausal Boogaloo. Probably the most appropriate scathing movie review written in years.

Well, now she's working for Jezebel, and decided to re-watch Titanic for the first time in 10 years. If you like a little snark, it's worth your time.

http://jezebel.com/5898432/i-re+watched-titanic-so-you-dont-have-to-youre-welcome

 

[JackReacher]

I think she's filled in for Magary on a couple funbags recently. And by recently, I mean the past year or so.

Also, that Titanic review is great.

 

[Evil Bastard (aka Chris_L)]

How could she not snark on Bill Paxton's sea captain sweaters? My favorite line:

Then Theoden, King of Rohan, drives the boat into this big iceberg

Albert Brooks was the king of snark when he pointed out how bad the writing was based upon how often the characters had to say each other's names. You can never watch the movie the same again



Wang

 

[Inky_Wretch]

I have never seen the movie. But, by Tebow, I loved that snarky review.

 

[DanOregon]

The best story I've seen on the Titanic re-issue:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/arts-post/post/titanic-night-sky-adjusted-after-neil-degrasse-tyson-criticized-james-cameron/2012/04/03/gIQAZyZItS_blog.html

 

[dooley_womack1]

I know it's hip to slag Titanic, but I rather liked it. Very visceral.

 

[YGBFKM]

I just clicked on the link, and I'll get to reading it shortly, but holy **** is that photo/headline hilarious. Although I'm sure the photographer is bent that some asshole put text on his artwork.

 

[Gehrig]

I enjoyed Titanic, too.

 

[Brian]

I've never watched the first half of the movie.

I always just skip ahead to the boat hitting the iceberg. Shaves a good hour and a half off the film and I get to see the cool stuff Cameron did to get the boat to sink.

 

[dooley_womack1]

Mere snark. But very readable mere snark.

 

[YGBFKM]

That was good, although she was one use of "hella" away from me going iceberg all over my keyboard.

My favorite line:

(spoiler: the boat is Keyser Söze).

 

[dooley_womack1]

(spoiler: the boat is a chick with a ****)

 

[imjustagirl]

(spoiler: the boat is dead after being shot by a New Kid)

 

[dooley_womack1]

(spoiler: the boat is people)

 

[Zeke12]

That movie made me root for the iceberg.

 

[dooley_womack1]

(spoiler: Zeke is really Rose Dawson)

 

[dooley_womack1]

(spoiler: Brad Renfro was good)

 

[joe]

That ****ing movie ruined my bladder.

After drinking beer all day, kinda had to **** going in, that feeling you have where pissing seems like a good idea but it isn't exactly urgent. Didn't. About an hour in, I want to ****. Theater is dark as hell, we're in the middle of a row, etc. Don't. Two hours in, I need to ****. I mean, this ****ing movie has to end soon, right? Wrong, and don't. Two hours and 10 minutes in, there's water, water everywhere. I gotta ****, mother****ers, get this **** over with. 2:20, what the ****? Sink this cocksucker already. 2:30, jesus ****ing christ. 2:40, **** **** ****. 2:50, there's a bee inside my skull, and just ****ing shoot me already, right here, yeah, right here in my eye. 3:00, gak gak gak. 3:10, get out of my way get out of my way get out of my way. 3:11 to 3:21, ****, ****, dribble, ****, dribble, horse ****, ****, dribble, dribble, horse ****, stop, ****, ****, horse ****, dribble, ****, end.

Mother****er.

All the Kate Winslet tits in the world won't make me watch that movie again.

 

[dooley_womack1]

(spoiler: joe wet his leather pants)

 

[DanOregon]

Great idea for movie reviews - describe a three or four-minute segment of the movie where people can bolt to the john or a soda refill and not miss anything.