HS VB gamer

[the_rookie]

Weekly paper, small town. Let me know what you think.

THE start of the volleyball season for the QEDHS Warriors senior boys looked promising, with a large, energetic crowd cheering them on for the season opener at home against the Atikokan Voyageurs September 18.
But home court advantage failed to prevent the Warriors from making Senior Boys drop season opener in three sets mental mistakes and unforced errors as they lost
three straight sets in their first games of the season.
“Initially, we played extremely well,” said Warriors head coach Bob O’Donohue. “We certainly played a lot better offensively than the Atikokan team did, but unfortunately we made far too many mistakes that were unforced.
“We got caught out of position (and) had trouble at times with serve reception.”
The Warriors started off strong and dominated in the early part of the first set, but lost their momentum when the Voyageurs took an 18-13 lead by scoring seven consecutive points.
From there, the Warriors scored only three more points before losing the first set 25-16.
In the second set, things began to unravel for the Warriors as plays began slipping through their fingers.
The Warriors trailed by as much as seven in the second set, which they lost 25-22.
In the third set, the Warriors showed improvement by taking a 15-8 lead. However that woke up the Voyageurs and they responded with a 10-1 run to take the lead.
The Warriors failed to catch up again and lost the final set 25-23.
“We certainly started off strong and I thought we had the game undercontrol for the first part, but after that it was far too many mistakes,” said O’Donohue.
In the earlier part of the match, noted O’Donohue, the team had some good passing and some good attacks.
On Thursday, the Warriors made up for the loss in their second game of the season by beating Whitefish Bay 3-1. The Warriors lost the first set 25-17, but responded by
winning the next three 25-16, 25-23 and 23-18.

 

[Angola!]

Just a few small things. I'll let the main workshoppers do the heavy duty work.

1. In volleyball, it is games inside of a match. Sets are reserved for tennis.

2. Why didn't you lead with the match they won on Thursday, rather than opening with the match they lost?

3. You should interview a player even if they lose, just to get some better perspective than coach-speak.

4. Watch your AP style. September shouldn't be spelled out. It should be Sept. 18.

5. I honestly didn't know they played high school boys volleyball.

 

[jgmacg]

THE start of the volleyball season for the QEDHS Warriors senior boys looked promising, with a large, energetic crowd cheering them on for the season opener at home against the Atikokan Voyageurs September 18.

But home court advantage failed to prevent [awkward construction] the Warriors from making Senior Boys drop [?] season opener in three sets [?] mental mistakes and unforced errors as they lost three straight sets in their first games of the season.

[You're writing really long sentences here, and it's hurting your pace. Rather than long sentences broken into clauses by commas, try writing short, complete sentences. Your writing will immediately have more drive.]

“Initially, we played extremely well,” said Warriors head coach Bob O’Donohue. “We certainly played a lot better offensively than the Atikokan team did, but unfortunately we made far too many mistakes that were unforced.
“We got caught out of position (and) had trouble at times with serve reception.”


The Warriors started off strong and dominated in the early part of the first set, but lost their momentum when the Voyageurs took an 18-13 lead by scoring seven consecutive points.

From there, the Warriors scored only three more points before losing the first set 25-16.

In the second set, things began to unravel for the Warriors as plays began slipping through their fingers. [Metaphorically? Or actually? Chose your imagery carefully when it conflcts with the sport you're covering.]

The Warriors trailed by as much as seven in the second set, which they lost 25-22.

In the third set, the Warriors showed improvement by taking a 15-8 lead. However [try to avoid the word "however" at the beginning of sentence. It slows things down. Instead, try to reorder the sentence so the qualifier ('but,' 'though,' 'however') comes one clause later. I.e. "That roused the Voyageurs, however...] that woke up the Voyageurs and they responded with a 10-1 run to take the lead.
The Warriors failed to catch up again and lost the final set 25-23.

“We certainly started off strong and I thought we had the game undercontrol for the first part, but after that it was far too many mistakes,” said O’Donohue.
In the earlier part of the match, noted O’Donohue, the team had some good passing and some good attacks.

On Thursday, the Warriors made up for the loss in their second game of the season by beating Whitefish Bay 3-1. The Warriors lost the first set 25-17, but responded by
winning the next three 25-16, 25-23 and 23-18.

Hey, rook --

Thanks for posting with us. I've made a couple of suggestions in the line edit above. And take Angola's notes on the rules of volleyball, too. Always try to brush up on the rules and terminology of the sport you're running out the door to cover. It's more homework, certainly, but that's how you learn this stuff. And that sort of knowledge is a must for a well-rounded sports writer.

Oh, and your opening line is a plausible start for a fine detective novel. "Weekly paper. Small town."

Please keep bringing us your work if you find the Workshop helpful. In the meantime, we thank you again for sharing it.

 

[the_rookie]

Thanks guys. I'll take this advice into my writing this week.