HS FB gamers - critique/advice, please?

[JLaff]

Hey... I'm stringing for this paper and I'm also the ME at my college paper. I've been writing (if you want to include high school) for a little over seven years. A friend introduced me to this site and it's been a great read. Anyway, I was just wondering if I could get some feedback on a few articles I've done. Pretty much anything is appreciated. Thanks.

<a href="http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20070922/news_6s22p-south.html">Story 1</a>

<a href="http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20070915/news_2s15p-east.html">Story 2</a>

<a href="http://cfx.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20070908/news_6s8p-laff.html">Story 3</a>

 

[dawgpounddiehard]

JLaff:

Thanks for posting. That's some pretty solid stuff. Let's face it, a high school football gamer is pretty cut and dry, but you did well with the games.

Only thing I noticed is in the first story you mentioned another score rather than the final score. Most editors you'll talk to want that first score the final score, no matter what. Some aren't as picky, but as a solid general rule to live by, final score goes first and high up in the story.

What I like is there isn't much "SportsCenter" writing. There's no hokey comparisons or phrases written that sound like it's coming from Stu Scott. Keep that up.

I like the lede with the scoreboard... different and it got me to keep reading on.

Just keep this up. I'm guessing you read a lot? Do more of that and you'll continue down the right path.

Oh, and FU for living in San Diego!

 

[earlyentry]

Clear and concise with good ledes. If anything you could've provided more color, but that's being picky. Good job.

 

[jgmacg]

J -


Thanks so much for giving us a try.

Good, solid work in all three stories: clear language, crisp pace and good use of quotes.

As the Dawg says, most editors will want the final to be the first score in a piece. And as ee offers, don't be afraid of the apt narrative detail to bring a little more color to things.

Bring us more of your work any time. And thanks again.