Family un-adopts Russian-born son

[zimbabwe]

...and sticks him on an airplane with a one-way ticket.

http://online.wSportsJournalists.com/article/SB10001424052702304222504575173741062876452.html?mod=WSJ_World_LEFTSecondNews


The kid is 7.

Disgusting.

 

[Machine Head]

Saw this earlier and thought of this story:

http://www.startribune.com/local/east/90319512.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4OW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUnciaec8O7EyUsl

The boy had brought a gun to school:

http://www.startribune.com/local/east/90055697.html?elr=KArksCiUtEia_nDaycUiacyKUnciaec8O7EyUr

Can't get my head around any of this. Just heartbreaking.

 

[Point of Order]

Those stories remind me of this:

It really is sad, though, how profoundly ****ed up a child can be at such an early age.

 

[NoOneLikesUs]

In Soviet Russia adoption America sends you back.

 

[slappy4428]

A coach in our area adopted four kids from the Ukraine about two years ago. The stories he told me about the orphanages and how screwed up the kids were were just horrifying. The four kids he got were relatively balanced, but still had problems.

 

[Double J]

I've heard similar stories, I'm sure, from a friend who adopted a baby girl from China.

The girl was already so messed up after only the first year of her life that she eventually became all but uncontrollable, and my friend had to give her up. She's been diagnosed with an anti-social disorder that prevents her from forming emotional ties with other people; for all intents and purposes, she's a sociopath. And she just turned nine years old. It's so sad.

 

[House]

There are perfectly ****ed up AMERICAN kids to adopt. Why are we worrying about people on another continent?

 

[exmediahack]

Yup, House is right. The problem here in the USA is too many couples:
- Only want newborns/infants.
- Don't want to adopt minority children.

One of my neighbors has 10 kids - between the ages of 6-16, seven of them adopted, all from the US but most are African-American. They truck all 10, literally, to the elementary school and middle school in two seperate full size fans. They're inspiring.

We can call this parent "disgusting" but, if this kid were to go on and kill 17 students one day in high school, we'd be asking why the parents didn't see anything.

 

[YankeeFan]

Yup, House is right. The problem here in the USA is too many couples:
- Only want newborns/infants.
- Don't want to adopt minority children.

This kid was seven when they got him. He wasn't a newborn or an infant.

Russia was the No. 3 source of adoptive children to U.S. families last year, after China and Ethiopia.

I didn't realize that China and Ethiopia were great sources of white children.

 

[Lugnuts]

Yup, House is right. The problem here in the USA is too many couples:
- Only want newborns/infants.
- Don't want to adopt minority children.

Not true.

And I say this as someone who has been involved in lobbying Congress on the issue of adoption legislation.

It's easier to adopt an infant/newborn IN THE U.S. It's almost impossible to adopt a newborn internationally... so you've kind of got that backwards.

The real problem is that it can be hard to adopt in this country because of the laws we have protecting the birth parents.

The laws differ depending on the state, but there are A LOT of "take backs" by the birth mothers in the U.S.

If you adopt internationally, there are fewer take backs because you are typically adopting from an orphanage. International adoption is seen as more of a sure thing.

I know one couple who TWICE paid the birth mothers' entire expenses in domestic adoptions and TWICE had the baby taken from them after birth. It's heartbreaking.

That couple's story does have a happy ending, though, because they ultimately turned to a surrogate and conceived twins with her help.

Adoption in the U.S. can be a damn minefield. Or it can be wonderfully easy. You just never know how it's going to go. And often the couple adopting has nearly gone bankrupt undergoing failed fertility treatments, so the "sure thing" of international adoption appeals to them.

 

[crimsonace]

And I say this as someone who has been involved in lobbying Congress on the issue of adoption legislation.

It's easier to adopt an infant/newborn IN THE U.S. It's almost impossible to adopt a newborn internationally... so you've kind of got that backwards.

The real problem is that it can be hard to adopt in this country because of the laws we have protecting the birth parents.

Having adopted, and done so internationally, Lugnuts is spot-on. There are a lot of issues with domestic adoptions -- I've witnessed too many families that have been taken through the emotional wringer (and financial wringer) by "take-backs," which often happen AFTER all of the birthmother's hospital expenses have been paid by the adoptive family. "False start" is part of the lingo.

But it is not easy to adopt internationally. Families adopting from China have been waiting 4+ years (and some are still looking at 2-3 more years of waiting) because of the slowdown. Vietnam & Guatemala have shut down adoptions at different times in the process.

However, adopting internationally or transracially brings about a new set of challenges. One of the biggest is the "conspicuous family" issue -- we are on display for the world because our son is Chinese and we are not. We don't get too many dirty looks, but we do get a lot of questions and stares. Another is the quality of what they give you information-wise. Russia and ex-Soviet countries such as Kazakhstan, for example, is known for bait-and-switch techniques in underreporting or false reporting of medical conditions and horrible care in orphanages, and corrupt judges requiring bribes from parents, et al.

Another is the issue of institutionalization. My son was 15 months old when we adopted him internationally. He's now three. He still exhibits some orphanage behaviors, although he is pretty well-adjusted. We do have challenges, and any parent adopting internationally needs to know the risks going in AND be willing to accept them. Parents who send a 7-year-old back to Russia with a one-way ticket is the reason why we have to go through a months-long vetting process that involves national and state governments on both sides of the pond and thousands of dollars in added expense, plus hours and hours of education. It is very, very difficult to adopt, especially internationally.

But I wouldn't do it any other way. I love my son in a way that words cannot describe.

 

[YankeeFan]

And I say this as someone who has been involved in lobbying Congress on the issue of adoption legislation.

It's easier to adopt an infant/newborn IN THE U.S. It's almost impossible to adopt a newborn internationally... so you've kind of got that backwards.

The real problem is that it can be hard to adopt in this country because of the laws we have protecting the birth parents.

Having adopted, and done so internationally, Lugnuts is spot-on. There are a lot of issues with domestic adoptions -- I've witnessed too many families that have been taken through the emotional wringer (and financial wringer) by "take-backs," which often happen AFTER all of the birthmother's hospital expenses have been paid by the adoptive family. "False start" is part of the lingo.

But it is not easy to adopt internationally. Families adopting from China have been waiting 4+ years (and some are still looking at 2-3 more years of waiting) because of the slowdown. Vietnam & Guatemala have shut down adoptions at different times in the process.

However, adopting internationally or transracially brings about a new set of challenges. One of the biggest is the "conspicuous family" issue -- we are on display for the world because our son is Chinese and we are not. We don't get too many dirty looks, but we do get a lot of questions and stares. Another is the quality of what they give you information-wise. Russia and ex-Soviet countries such as Kazakhstan, for example, is known for bait-and-switch techniques in underreporting or false reporting of medical conditions and horrible care in orphanages, and corrupt judges requiring bribes from parents, et al.

Another is the issue of institutionalization. My son was 15 months old when we adopted him internationally. He's now three. He still exhibits some orphanage behaviors, although he is pretty well-adjusted. We do have challenges, and any parent adopting internationally needs to know the risks going in AND be willing to accept them. Parents who send a 7-year-old back to Russia with a one-way ticket is the reason why we have to go through a months-long vetting process that involves national and state governments on both sides of the pond and thousands of dollars in added expense, plus hours and hours of education. It is very, very difficult to adopt, especially internationally.

But I wouldn't do it any other way. I love my son in a way that words cannot describe.

Awesome story.

When you adopt internationally, you are basically saving a life.

 

[Lugnuts]

But it is not easy to adopt internationally. Families adopting from China have been waiting 4+ years (and some are still looking at 2-3 more years of waiting) because of the slowdown. Vietnam & Guatemala have shut down adoptions at different times in the process.

I have several friends who "just got in under the wire" before the slowdowns in Guatemala and China.

Great story, crimsonace... gettin' a little misty over here reading your post!

 

[TigerVols]

Back to the story at hand: How the hell did United send a 7-year-old all the way to Russia without an adult?

THAT's disgusting as well.

 

[crimsonace]

But it is not easy to adopt internationally. Families adopting from China have been waiting 4+ years (and some are still looking at 2-3 more years of waiting) because of the slowdown. Vietnam & Guatemala have shut down adoptions at different times in the process.

I have several friends who "just got in under the wire" before the slowdowns in Guatemala and China.

Great story, crimsonace... gettin' a little misty over here reading your post!

We traveled to China two years ago this month to adopt our son (after a 2.5-year wait). Had we been three months slower on our paperwork, we'd still be waiting.

It is *not* easy to adopt internationally, but our family has been so enriched by our adopted son, that we're diving into the pool again (and going through a vetting process that will, by the time is all said and done, have taken about a year to do).

Which is why it absolutely burns me up to see these parents send a child back to Russia. There are *hundreds* of families that would be willing to make this child a part of their family, and this family decides to send the kid on a one-way ticket back to Russia. You cannot adopt internationally without knowing there are going to be issues, and think everything is going to be bubble gum and lollipops when the child gets home.

The one thing every adoptive family is taught, through hours and hours of education, is that there *will* be unforeseen problems, both with the process of adopting and possibly after you get home. You need to be prepared for anything. If you're not, there are other options. However, years as a schoolteacher and coach have taught me, a lot of people hear something they don't want to hear addressed to a group, and they assume it refers to everybody else -- that it doesn't apply to them, that their situation will be different. Unfortunately, you have to be prepared for ANYTHING that happens.

 

[Point of Order]

Back to the story at hand: How the hell did United send a 7-year-old all the way to Russia without an adult?

THAT's disgusting as well.

Probably in coach. Kids fly alone all the time. They got people who look out for them.

 

[MacDaddy]

Back to the story at hand: How the hell did United send a 7-year-old all the way to Russia without canceling flights for no apparent reason and/or losing the luggage?

Fixed.

 

[beanpole]

Back to the story at hand: How the hell did United send a 7-year-old all the way to Russia without an adult?

THAT's disgusting as well.

Probably in coach. Kids fly alone all the time. They got people who look out for them.

No kid should fly from Washington to Moscow by himself, with a note from his mom that says they don't want him any more. This is ****ed up beyond words.

 

[Point of Order]

Back to the story at hand: How the hell did United send a 7-year-old all the way to Russia without an adult?

THAT's disgusting as well.

Probably in coach. Kids fly alone all the time. They got people who look out for them.

No kid should fly from Washington to Moscow by himself, with a note from his mom that says they don't want him any more. This is ****ed up beyond words.

True dat.

 

[beanpole]

And I say this as someone who has been involved in lobbying Congress on the issue of adoption legislation.

It's easier to adopt an infant/newborn IN THE U.S. It's almost impossible to adopt a newborn internationally... so you've kind of got that backwards.

The real problem is that it can be hard to adopt in this country because of the laws we have protecting the birth parents.

Having adopted, and done so internationally, Lugnuts is spot-on. There are a lot of issues with domestic adoptions -- I've witnessed too many families that have been taken through the emotional wringer (and financial wringer) by "take-backs," which often happen AFTER all of the birthmother's hospital expenses have been paid by the adoptive family. "False start" is part of the lingo.

But it is not easy to adopt internationally. Families adopting from China have been waiting 4+ years (and some are still looking at 2-3 more years of waiting) because of the slowdown. Vietnam & Guatemala have shut down adoptions at different times in the process.

However, adopting internationally or transracially brings about a new set of challenges. One of the biggest is the "conspicuous family" issue -- we are on display for the world because our son is Chinese and we are not. We don't get too many dirty looks, but we do get a lot of questions and stares. Another is the quality of what they give you information-wise. Russia and ex-Soviet countries such as Kazakhstan, for example, is known for bait-and-switch techniques in underreporting or false reporting of medical conditions and horrible care in orphanages, and corrupt judges requiring bribes from parents, et al.

Another is the issue of institutionalization. My son was 15 months old when we adopted him internationally. He's now three. He still exhibits some orphanage behaviors, although he is pretty well-adjusted. We do have challenges, and any parent adopting internationally needs to know the risks going in AND be willing to accept them. Parents who send a 7-year-old back to Russia with a one-way ticket is the reason why we have to go through a months-long vetting process that involves national and state governments on both sides of the pond and thousands of dollars in added expense, plus hours and hours of education. It is very, very difficult to adopt, especially internationally.

But I wouldn't do it any other way. I love my son in a way that words cannot describe.

We adopted our son from Kazakhstan. We couldn't have a biological birth despite several attempts at fertility treatments and got to the point where we could do one more cycle of meds OR we could put that money into an adoption. We adopted because it was a sure thing.

And we went overseas because we were terrified of a US birth mother backing out of the process at the last second. We know a couple who was approved to adopt from Georgia and had been in constant contact with the birthmother for the last 5 months of her pregnancy. They arranged time off from school (they're both teachers) and bought their plane tickets to go down for the birth. THE DAY BEFORE the c-section, the birthmother's attorney called to tell them it was off -- she's keeping the baby. It was heartbreaking and I couldn't put my wife through the same thing.

Our little Beansprout is a great kid -- we adopted him at 17 months old. We had to teach him to cry when he wanted us or when he was hurt because orphange kids learn pretty quickly not to bother crying because nobody ever comes. We had to teach him not to hit himself or rock back and forth in a self-soothing way when he was upset. When he came home, he had a habit of hiding toys when he was done playing with them because in the orphanage there is so much competition for the best toys (and we're talking about a figurine or a block) that the smart kids hide them so they have a chance to play with him again at some point. Our little guy has dropped his orphange behaviors, but he still has a habit of taking at least two toys to bed or in the car every time we go somewhere because I think on some level he's still getting used to the idea of having his own possessions.

This Tennessee woman who adopted the Russian kid is so evil I want to throttle her. She adopted a 6-year-old boy -- she HAD to know there would be difficult transition issues. Our son at 17 months mourned the loss of his orphanage caregivers and friends from the orphanage for a month, so you know that this 6-year-old boy would have an even harder transition. And to be honest, I don't think that any one of us can imagine how hard it is for a child to a place where the language, the food, the smells, the textures, the pace and everything else is completely foreign. On top of that, the adoptive mother even changed the boy's name, which even further tears his identitity.

Finally, i wish I could tell that woman that there are no guarantees to being a parent. Regardless of whether a kid is adoptive or biological, he's yours and you have to love him and make a good life for him. You can't send him back if he's sick or terminal or he's having a rough time. You just love him and be his mom and dad.

Sigh.