Ashamed enough to apologize

[Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!]

Under the something to read thread ... Tom Hallman Jr., of the Oregonian, hits this out of the park for me.
I teared up when he relayed his moment of shame .. It struck close to home for me ....

http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2012/04/a_teacher_a_student_and_a_39-y.html


I was not rich. I was not poor. I was not cool. I wasn't an outcast either. I was a regular kid. Not handsome or cute. I was skinny with stick straight hair and thick (pop bottle thick) glasses. I was teased some and bullied a little, but not worse than many others.
I WAS a regular kid who did and said a lot of mean and hurtful things to other kids, mainly for laughs.
I was kid who didn't stand up for other kids that were being picked on - one in particular, maybe I'll share that story later ...

But wow ... This is a great story ..

Second part: Is there anything you want to share about something you did that to this day makes you ashamed?

 

[qtlaw]

Yeah, when I was growing up, being mentally retarded made you open for ridicule. I still remember a kid many would tease mercilessly. Since I was a minority, I did not join in but I simply stood aside and let it happen. To Scott *****, I wish I could apologize to you.

 

[cyclingwriter]

I went to an all-white school in a predominantly white area. One of the other schools in our region had a star running back, who was black. The rest of his team was as white as us. We drew them in the playoffs. I remember one of the seniors going around trying to come up with a list of racial slurs he could call the kid during the game. I said nothing to stop because I was a "sophomore" and quiet. I wished I had the courage to slug him. I didn't and even meekly offered a slur to his list when he asked me in front of the rest of the team.

The only good lining is that now I won't let anyone say crap around me like that without calling them out. Still, I wish I started just a bit sooner.

 

[Point of Order]

I'll tell one:

I had just turned 16. Just got my license, and my first job as a busboy/dishwasher at a Catfish restaurant making $4.25 an hour. The head chef and part-owner of the place was a raging alcoholic lunatic with a short temper and a reputation that preceded him. I was scared of him.

Fast forward to closing time one night after I'd been there about a month. A kid in my grade was working his first night on the job. As we were cleaning up the kitchen he asked me if it was okay if he got some shrimp to take home. Not really paying any attention, I assumed he was referring to fried shrimp that was had not been served, which would have been fine to take. I told him yeah, go ahead. He wasn't talking about cooked shrimp. He went into the freezer and got a bag full of frozen or raw shrimp.

Minutes later, as the kid is about to walk out, the chef sees him carrying the bag and asks him what he has. The kid says shrimp. The chef flies off the handle, starts screaming "YOU'RE STEALING FROM ME!!!" at the kid and all kinds of hell. Kid is frightened to death, I'm at the dishwasher watching, and kid points to me and says "But he told me I could!" Chef looks at me. I can't remember his exact words, but asks me if that's true. I don't remember what I said, but scared out of my wits, I did not clarify the situation or come to the kid's defense. I probably said "I didn't say that" or something similar. Kid was fired on the spot. I never apologized to him and feel like a douche to this day for not doing more in that situation.

 

[farmerjerome]

I read this article early and thought it was fantastic.

Really, I could deal out a ton of these apologies. I was bullied in early middle school but was popular in high school. I couldn't just leave it at that, I had to be an asshole about it. There are a couple of kids who I owe apologies to, but oddly enough I'd say they're all aquatinces now.

I can still be a mean girl though and Dr. J points it out all the time. I can't help it. People just **** me off sometimes and I go overboard.

 

[dooley_womack1]

I'm ashamed of my entire existence. So, I'm sorry, everyone.

God, you should be.

 

[bpoindexter]

Pretty powerful.

 

[Versatile]

That was wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Cubbiebum]

When I was a kid (up to 7th grade) I was always 4-6 inches taller than anyone else. Due to that I was always bullying people to get what I wanted. I have too long a list of people I beat up for no real reason and too long a list of people I made fun of mercilessly for laughs (class clown).

I was also one to steal things small things. The one that has stuck with me is when I stole a ring from my best friends dad's bedroom. It was just a simple silver ring that I liked the look of. I remember my father found it a while later and knew it couldn't be mine. He took it but I refused to tell him where I got it. Many years later I found that ring in a dresser drawer of my parents. When looking at it as an adult I realized it was his wedding ring. He wasn't married anymore because his wife was an alcoholic but I remember my friend and his dad talking to her on the phone often and I knew there was still some love there. By the time I realized what it was I hadn't seen my friend in more than a decade and had no way of finding his dad. This one still bugs me.

 

[cranberry]

Say three Hail Marys, an Act of Contrition, two Our Fathers and keep it moving, folks.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

I'm ashamed of my entire existence. So, I'm sorry, everyone.

God, you should be.

Just wondering what took so long....

 

[Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!]

Say three Hail Marys, an Act of Contrition, two Our Fathers and keep it moving, folks.

This is one of the reasons - despite my lack of faith - is why I still go to confession.

I go the face-to-face confessions (partly to make sure the priest isn't pleasuring himself while listening to sins!) to make it as humbling as possible for myself when I admit my faults and wrongdoings.

 

[bigpern23]

Great story.

Here's mine. Working in a restaurant, we had a new guy join us as a line cook. He was a good guy and we genuinely liked him, but as young men are wont to do, we made fun of him pretty mercilessly.

I always told him we made fun of him because we liked him and that it's the people who we didn't make fun of that we didn't like (which was absolutely true).

I'm sure that was of small solace to him considering how mean we really were. In particular, we called him gay a lot. We used the slur and said all kinds of things that we thought were funny at the time.

When I was editor of my college newspaper, a gay gentleman walked into my office one night, literally minutes after getting beaten up by five frat guys. I'm not sure if he'd even called the cops yet. It was the last of several times these guys had harassed him after a class. He was an older student (late 30s?) and stood 6-foot-4 and was built like a linebacker. But he didn't have a violent impulse in his body. He couldn't defend himself against these guys.

So there I sat, a 21-year-old who frequently said things such as "That's so gay," or called my friends "fags," and I was his last refuge. I remember the look of shame in his eyes, as if he had done something wrong or somehow deserved what these guys had done.

I assigned my best reporter to write the story, to follow up with the cops, to try to contract the alleged attackers and to speak with the chapter president and school administrators.

I then wrote an editorial about my own use of the slurs and the way I had so often and flippantly used homophobic language. I vowed to break the habit of using that language and I have stuck to that. I have also asked people in my presence not to do it as well.

But for as transformational as that experience was for me, and for all the positive feedback I received on my editorial and handling of the situation -- particularly from Kevin, the assault victim (12 years later, I still remember his name) -- I've never apologized to Mike, who if the rumors are true, eventually came out of the closet to his sister.

As far as I know, he remains closeted for the most part today, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if the treatment myself and our co-workers gave him has a lot to do with it.

Apologizing to him now might be something I need to look into.

 

[Bob Cook]

One of the many things I love about this story is how it illustrates that asking for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness -- it's a sign of strength.

 

[WriteThinking]

Under the something to read thread ... Tom Hallman Jr., of the Oregonian, hits this out of the park for me.
I teared up when he relayed his moment of shame .. It struck close to home for me ....

http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2012/04/a_teacher_a_student_and_a_39-y.html

I was especially moved by writer Tom Hallman Jr.'s recollection of that for which he wished he could apologize: the treatment of the poor third-grade classmate who nonetheless did her best to participate in the class activity, and was rebuffed and ridiculed despite an honest effort.

Ouch...and uggh. It's truly heart-rending.

As an adult, I can only speculate what a difference it might have made to that girl had her gift been accepted politely -- perhaps even graciously -- and she herself treated to a genuine round of applause.

It takes so little to be kind, and often, means so much. If only we could realize such things sooner.

As for James Attebury, well, he can take great comfort, and real peace, in knowing, now, that he truly did make a definite impact on at least one student. Teachers live for that, and I would have loved some kind of post-script description or quote from him -- even though I thought the tag was great as written.

 

[bigpern23]

Under the something to read thread ... Tom Hallman Jr., of the Oregonian, hits this out of the park for me.
I teared up when he relayed his moment of shame .. It struck close to home for me ....

http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2012/04/a_teacher_a_student_and_a_39-y.html

I was especially moved by writer Tom Hallman Jr.'s recollection of that for which he wished he could apologize: the treatment of the poor third-grade classmate who nonetheless did her best to participate in the class activity, and was rebuffed and ridiculed an honest effort.

Ouch...and uggh. It's truly heart-rending.

As an adult, I can only speculate what a difference it might have made to that girl had her gift been accepted politely -- perhaps even graciously -- and she herself treated to a genuine round of applause.

It takes so little to be kind, and often, means so much. If only we could realize such things sooner.

As for James Attebury, well, he can take great comfort, and real peace, in knowing, now, that he truly did make a definite impact on at least one student. Teachers live for that, and I would have loved some kind of post-script description or quote from him -- even though I thought the tag on it was great.

I would love to hear a follow-up if Hallman attempts to reach that girl. I found that part of the story quite poignant as well.