Zidane's butthead

Two things are being overlooked in the inquisition over what exactly Marco Materazzi said to provoke Zidane's battering-ram assault.

1. That it was actually the tittie twister that preceded the insult that was perhaps the real inciting factor. Seriously. A vicious titty twister from a competitor would make me way more mad than anything he could say.

2. But the more pressing issue is the totally ineffective nature of Zidane's retaliation. Headbutting a guy's chest? Absolutely ridiculous. Sure Materazzi went down like he'd taken a cannonball off his broadside, but seriously, anyone watching could tell that there was no real damage done. Why not punch the dude? Make him spit teeth if you believe he has said something so intolerable. Kick him in the nuts if you really want to break the rules of man behavior. Instead, Zidane lowers his head and makes like a mountain ram with the obvious problem that with no horns he has no ability to do real damage.

This fact of just how weak the retaliation was got seriously overlooked amidst all the tongue clucking by the soccer commentators about Zidane's "shameful" act. Yeah. It was shameful. Shamefully lame. Dude got thrown out without even getting his money's worth. Can you imagine what would happen if Manu Ginobili got up all mad at Ron Artest and headbutted him in the chest? He'd be a total joke the rest of his career.

In the States, we may not appreciate soccer, but we certainly appreciate the proper protocol of the confrontation. The worst sports fight ever was the Larry Johnson and Alonzo Mourning miss-a-thon, but at least those dudes were throwing closed-fist punches. And yeah, Reggie Miller may have fought worse than his sister when he went against Jordan, but at least he looked like he was trying to claw Jordan's eyes out.

My girlfriend brought up the point that maybe Zidane was trying to head butt Materazzi in the face, and that made me pause. That's a move that could cause some real damage. That would have been a serious attack (and possibly an assault), but the more I thought about it, the more that's impossible. Zidane's job requires he regularly attempt to leap and head a soaring ball while on a dead run so the possibility that he tried to put his forehead into Materazzi's nose yet missed a nearly stationary target by more than a foot is hard to imagine.

Any thoughts?

 

yes. is your girlfriend hot?

 

But would Spaceman head-butt it?

 

Also, on SkyNews or whatever the hell it is called, they showed a previous red card Zidane got for head-butting a guy in the face and it was really serious. It definitely caused some blood.

 

Why mess up your hand when you've got that beautiful face?