Your Chance to Join NIAFL Football: The Essay Contest

you let Scoop Jackson go ass-to-mouth on you? Ewwww.

 

You'd be amazed at the things I'll do for streetball tapes and Sobe Adrenaline Rush.

By the way, how disturbing is it to see a Wal-Mart ad on the SLAM! website? Tons.

 

I knew it! Fucking perverts.

 

Disclaimer: The views expressed herein by the individual NIAFL members do not necessarily represent the views of the NIAFL membership as a whole, or in this case, ass a hole.

 

So, who's the pro ass-to-mouth candidate again?

I vote for them.

 

The L.A. Rams abandoned me. Sundays from September to the Super Bowl are pieces of maggot-infested dogshit without the L.A. Rams. I need something NFL in my life. I need to feel like I'm a part of something.

For this reason, I wish to join the NIAFL.

If you don't think my essay is worthy for admission into your esteemed league, then y'all can lick my gooch.

With all due respect,
Songbird.

 

Dear lady and gentlemen:

I would like to be a member of the NIAFL's Football League for the obvious reason: the chance to kick BYH squarely in his embittered neuticles on a regular basis.

Sincerely,

2muchcoffeeman

 

Hmm, letting coffeeman might have potential. Unlimited coffee for everyone.


Of course I don't drink coffee.

 

Songbird: The feeling of pure ecstasy and bliss after you've busted a nut in the woman who makes you roar the loudest and feel like king of the fucking jungle.

 

I'm the last guy you want joining NIAFL. I am rude, inappropriate, loud, obnoxious and smell like Bubbler's insubordinate scrotum. When I win, I will merciless taunt the loser. When I lose, I will merciless taunt the winner for consistency sake. I will insinuate that BYH is gay and that Dooley post-pads to cover other inadequacies. I will make obliquely snide comments about Boom and 21's relationship. I will curse Idaho for being a made man who apparently lives with Uma Thurman. I will not give the league's hierarchy a LeBatard or a Lewinsky (but I repeat myself) to enter the league. My natural greatness -- the very essence of being the Papal Faceman -- will carry the day. I will draft all of the key sleepers and leave the scraps behind for the other members to claw over. Men will want to be me and women will want to be with me. I am PopeDirkBenedict.

For the love of God, people, just let me in. I just want to be in the cool kid's club.